


The Siren

by fenhongse_kookie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Bottom Choi Yeonjun, Brutal Murder, Disturbing Themes, Drunk Sex, Horror, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Peer Pressure, Rough Sex, Slurs, Social Anxiety, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Top Choi Soobin, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 60,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29312694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenhongse_kookie/pseuds/fenhongse_kookie
Summary: Yeonjun just wanted to go to college, make friends, party, and make his dad proud. He hadn't realized that every action he took would only snowball into a huge avalanche and consume every fiber of his being. Now he looked down at himself, stained red with blood and entrails, and then back up at Soobin who was pristinely clean. The boy didn't even want to take a single step into the whole disgusting mess and that fact made Yeonjun smile.Soobin had kept winding and winding and winding Yeonjun up until he spun off in a tornado that couldn't be controlled anymore, only blown in the direction that Soobin wanted to have destroyed. Yeonjun didn't know how it got this far, he couldn't think about the past or the future. All he could do is hope they would both survive another day.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 133
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

On the morning that Yeonjun was moving into his freshman dorm, the anxiety bubbling in his stomach made him feel wide awake even though he could barely sleep the night before.

He had showered a few hours before bed, set the next day’s clothes on his dresser, and even broke out a TONYMOLY facemask to make sure his skin was fresh and moisturized. As much as he didn’t want to care about first impressions, he cared. Yeah, he cared a lot.

He fidgeted in the car as his dad drove him to the university, everything he needed was packed into just a few boxes in the trunk. He had parted his hair down the middle and brushed about a thousand times until it was acceptable. 

The drive felt like hours, but Yeonjun finally made it to the University’s campus. 

“Yeon,” his father started, “let me know how your first classes go, ok?” He pulled Yeonjun into a tight hug. 

“I’ll call you,” Yeonjun said, forcing himself to smile through the anxiety. 

His dad pulled away reluctantly, tears forming in his eyes. He rubbed his eyes and let out an embarrassed laugh. 

“Ah, I knew you would cry.”

“You have to visit, OK?” 

Yeonjun smiled. “I will. It’s not that far, I’ll probably visit a lot.” Honestly, Yeonjun wasn’t a very social person. His dad couldn’t truly expect him to just disappear, right? Not when Yeonjun was all he had. 

When his dad eventually drove away, Yeonjun held the boxes for his new room in his arms and slowly turned to the huge dorm building looming in intimidation behind him. His heart began to race again from the momentary calm that his dad brought.

He really wished he had a friend from highschool that he could have roomed with instead of three new strangers. 

The trek up to his third-floor dorm made Yeonjun’s arms feel like jelly after a few minutes and he distracted himself with the idea that he could make use of the campus gym this semester. Maybe he could become a beefhead and get a girlfriend so his dad would be proud of him. 

Yeonjun adjusted the boxes in his arms when he arrived at the front door. He could hear people talking inside. For a moment, he hesitated. He wondered if he would love or hate his new roommates; and if a new life laid behind that door. 

Nah, that was just his anxiety talking. 

Yeonjun pushed through the heavy wooden door and winced from the brightness of the room. He heard those same voices suddenly quieten. There were three people sitting in the mini kitchen to his left, just sitting there, staring at him. 

“Wow! I didn’t think you were gonna show up!” One of the boys said. He was small and blond. “We thought maybe you dropped out or something!”

Another small boy with big eyes furrowed his brow and scoffed, “no, we just got here super early.”

The first boy smiled at Yeonjun, “Taehyun got here like a week ago, but me and Soobin came like two days ago.”

The second boy, Taehyun, groaned. “When I was here by myself, I kept waking up every night hearing noises. I thought I was gonna get murdered.” 

“You’re so lucky we’re here. You can’t survive on your own, can you?” The blond boy asked smugly, gaining only an eye roll in response. 

Yeonjun smiled and put his boxes on the counter for a minute as he watched them go back and forth. He was surprised at how natural they were acting around him. His arms still felt like jelly, he was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

“Wait.” Yeonjun looked over at the third boy who just decided to speak. “What’s your name? I’m Soobin, this is Taehyun, and that’s Beomgyu.” He said, motioning to each of them as he spoke. Yeonjun couldn’t help but notice how his lips formed into a natural pout when he spoke. 

“Oh, my name is Yeonjun.”

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun as if he had only just seen him, “on the housing application I asked for our fourth roommate to be another asian but I didn’t think they’d actually do it!”

Yeonjun let out a short, awkward laugh. “Um, I don’t know if they would be allowed to pick roommates based on race…” 

“They definitely can’t.” Taehyun pointedly said to Beomgyu, then he looked over at Yeonjun. “I know because I work with housing. That’s why I was here so early. They don’t even write down ethnicity on the housing application so they have no idea.”

Beomgyu scoffed, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Yeonjun is an extremely asian name.”

Yeonjun tried to hold back a grimace. This conversation was kind of uncomfortable for him, but he didn’t say anything. Except he accidentally made eye contact with Soobin, who groaned and stood up from the chair at the kitchen table. He was a lot taller than Yeonjun anticipated. He kind of looked like Taehyun and Beomgyu stacked on top of each other. 

“Let’s not talk about that. Anyways, I’m hungry. Let’s have a family dinner.” Soobin stretched his arms above his head, intertwining his fingers together, until his back cracked and made Yeonjun flinch. 

“We’ll have to go to the grocery store then, I don’t have anything here.” Taehyun said. “There’s a Target just a few minutes down the road, though.”

Beomgyu perked up, “family field trip?”

Taehyun nodded and stood up with Beomgyu. Yeonjun watched the three of them head towards the door before Beomgyu turned his head and smiled at Yeonjun. “Do you want to come? We can figure out what we’ll get for dinner on the ride!” 

Yeonjun was surprised at the offer; honestly they were being really nice to him even though he felt so awkward. He already felt a little jealous of Beomgyu. It seemed like social situations were second nature to him. 

So he went to the grocery store with them in Taehyun’s car. They decided to make spaghetti (though Taehyun ended up actually cooking it), and ended up eating it on the living room couch while the TV played some show that Beomgyu picked out. 

“This couch is so shitty,” Soobin complained. “What’s it made out of, plastic?” Yeonjun looked down at the ugly dark green couch and grimaced.

“We should get a cover for it or something.” He said. 

Beomgyu gasped, “yes! We should go back to Target tomorrow and find couch covers, oh my God. I wonder how much they cost...because I’m broke.”

Yeonjun smiled, “it’s probably not that bad? it’s just, like, a piece of cloth.”

“Speaking of tomorrow,” Soobin interjected, “what are we going to do?” He looked over towards Beomgyu. 

“What?”

Soobin scoffed. “You know where all the parties are at. There’s got to be one tomorrow. It’s the weekend before classes start, there’s probably like ten different parties going on.”

Beomgyu feigned a thoughtful expression for a few seconds and then relented. “OK, OK, I know Dalton is throwing a party at his house tomorrow but it’s gonna be all people from highschool so it’ll probably be weird.” 

Yeonjun felt a pang of jealousy. He had originally thought just the three of them knew each other from highschool but apparently there was an entire crew of friends here at the University together? He wondered if his roommates would like him enough that he became a part of that friend group, too. 

“Is that the only one you know of?” Soobin asked, his lips forming into a pout. Yeonjun hoped that the boy didn’t notice him staring at it. 

Beomgyu nodded, “they’ll have alcohol, though.”

“Well I can’t go, I have work.” Taehyun explained, turning back to the TV. Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun, “do you want to come?”

Yeonjun tried to act cool, “um. I guess so.” 

Beomgyu smiled. “OK! We’re gonna need to take an Uber though. I don’t think any of us want to be DD.”

Yeonjun didn’t want to say that he had never drank before or even went to a party...or knew what DD meant. So he just nodded along with them. 

“Yeah you guys have fun with that.” Taehyun stated. “Last time we went there, Dalton asked us to pick up the alcohol, promised to pay us back, and then never did. So fuck him.”

Soobin huffed in agreement. “I fucking hate liars,” he seethed.

Yeonjun felt like the air ran cold with the way Soobin hissed those words out. It was a lot different than the cheerful, laid-back person he had been the entire day. Yeonjun hoped he wouldn’t ever be the target of that ire.

~~~

Taehyun wasn’t lying when he said he had to go to work the next night. He left at 6pm and his shift wouldn’t end until midnight. Yeonjun thought Beomgyu, Soobin, and himself would be back by then, but that was just his naivete showing. 

He didn’t even think partying would be that fun. He had never drank before, so he just thought that alcohol made you feel tired or groggy? He definitely didn’t think it could change your entire personality; take someone riddled with social anxiety and make them into a connoisseur of charisma. 

When they got to the party, Yeonjun had a lot more fun than he ever thought he would. Even though he didn’t know anyone there, Soobin and Beomgyu kept him close to them. They introduced him to their friends who seemed just as nice as his roommates. They would even occasionally point someone out from the crowd that they didn’t like or that they knew some drama about. Yeonjun was learning more here than he did in his four years of highschool.

Eventually he found himself alone by the food and drinks while most of the other people were jumping and dancing in front of the music speakers. Yeonjun got buzzed on two jello shots and felt himself begin to loosen up. Yeah, he really liked how his anxiety just melted away. 

“You gotta try the Jungle Juice, man!” Dalton swooped in and egged him on in the direction of a big pitcher of green, sloppy, swamp-looking water. 

“The fuck is even in that?” Yeonjun laughed, almost having to yell over the music. 

“We just mixed a bunch of shit together like Svedka, some Kool Aid packs, some Gatorade, and uh...some fuckin’ apple juice I think. I can’t remember.” Dalton poured some out into a cup for Yeonjun and handed it over. Yeonjun brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip, it tasted like straight acid. 

“How much Svedka did you put in this?” He questioned as it burned down his throat. 

“I dunno like two handles?”

Yeonjun stayed silent because he didn’t know what a handle was. 

“Hey…” Dalton leaned in really close and Yeonjun could see Soobin watching them from the other side of the room. “You wanna hear something gross?”

Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows, “uh...sure.”

“There was one time I made this bomb fruit punch and I was drunk as fuck, right? So I’m drinking this fruit punch and it’s like three in the morning and there are these chunks in it. So I’m like, ‘I don’t remember putting real fruit pieces in this fruit punch’ and then I went to go look at the drink bowl and there’s this chick passed out next to it, right? She fuckin’ spit her guts all over the fruit punch and I drank that shit.”

Yeonjun made eye contact with Soobin across the room with a grimace painted on his face. He lowered the cup of Jungle Juice and sat it on the counter. “Maybe I don’t actually want this drink…” he said uncomfortably, causing Dalton to throw his head back in boisterous laughter. 

Soobin appeared, grabbing Yeonjun’s arm and gently pulling him a few steps away from Dalton. “I think you and me are leaving soon,” he said loud enough for the white boy to hear, “Taehyun got off work so we don’t have to Uber back to the dorm. Beom is drunk and I think he found a girlfriend for the night.” 

Yeonjun looked around the room to find Beomgyu, who was entwined with some girl in the corner of the room while she kissed him and he stumbled over his own feet. He was leaning over and his eyes were drooping like he could fall asleep at any second. 

“I don’t think we should leave him here.” Yeonjun said, Soobin leaned in with a confused expression.

“Why?” He questioned. Yeonjun didn’t want to keep yelling over the music so he pulled Soobin out into the apartment hallway. The music was still leaking out into the hall, and he could feel the ground vibrating from the bass. He was really surprised nobody had complained yet. 

“I don’t think we should leave him there. I mean, he looks pretty out of it. It’s kinda messed up for her to kiss him or try to have sex with him.” Yeonjun explained. “Shouldn’t we just take him back with us?”

Soobin hesitated, “you know what?”

Yeonjun felt his nerves peaking back up, wondering if he had said the wrong thing. 

“You’re a real one.” Soobin smiled, “I’m so glad you’re our roommate.” 

Yeonjun smiled too, and wanted to lean into Soobin’s arm when he patted him on the shoulder. “We vibe so well, you’re just like one of us already.”

Yeonjun felt his cheeks getting hot. “I-you know…” ‘I never really had friends’ he wanted to say, but he held his tongue. “I’m so happy you guys are my roommates, too.” He looked down at the ground, unable to hold eye contact with Soobin, like the taller boy was so good at. 

“Before we go get Beom, let me tell you something.” Soobin’s attitude suddenly switched, just like before. “Don’t let Dalton give you drinks, dude.”

“Uh…” that caught Yeonjun off guard. “Why not?”

Soobin sharpened his eyes and Yeonjun felt like he was being lectured. “Watch how a guy approaches you. When they’re trying to intimidate you and get in your pants, they back you into a corner, physically, so you can’t really back up if they get too close and you can’t get away without pushing right by them. Trust me, I’ve been to a lot of parties and I’ve seen him do it before.”

Yeonjun was really confused. He didn’t get any creepy vibes from Dalton and definitely not like he was being hit on. 

“I’m just saying,” Soobin continued, “that’s why I had to literally pull you out of the corner in the-”

“Wait,” Yeonjun put his hands up and took a step back from the other boy, “is he gay?”

“Yeah and you’re cute so I’m just trying to help you out, here.”

“Oh.” Yeonjun was embarrassed at how surprised he sounded. Not that Dalton was gay, but that anyone would call him cute. 

“Anyways, let’s go get Beom. Tae is probably already waiting for us in the parking lot. He’ll be pissed if he has to wait.” 

~~

“We shoulda gotten the cover, I told you!” Beomgyu whined. 

“No no it’ll be fine. It’ll stay this time.” Yeonjun responded. They had decided to save money by buying a yard of black cloth to cover the ugly couch instead of a couch cover. Beomgyu and Yeonjun cut it into pieces and then duct taped the pieces onto the individual pieces of the couch.

So far, the tape had popped off the cushions every time Beomgyu sat down, revealing the ugly green color underneath. They must have cut the pieces too small, but they only had a yard to work with so they couldn’t cut off any more. 

“Just sit down one more time, it’ll work.” Yeonjun said. Beomgyu plopped down and the fabric pulled away once again, causing the blond boy to moan in frustration. He slid down onto the floor in front of the couch. “Can’t we just staple it or something?”

“uh...I think the school would charge us for damages.”

“But maybe they won’t notice if it’s just tiny staple holes on the back…”

Yeonjun sat down on the floor next to his roommate. “We’re just gonna have to be gentle with it and keep tucking it back under the cushions if the tape doesn’t stick.”

Beomgyu didn’t respond for a few minutes and Yeonjun felt too awkward to try and move the conversation forward. He missed how easily conversation came to him when he had been drinking with them at the party. He was able to make friends with so many people he had never even met before, just because he had a few shots and his mind decided to unfilter itself and stop stressing over every single word. 

He got, like, ten people’s snapchats in just one night. He actually felt like people liked him and wanted to be around him. The validation felt addicting.

But, now, when he only had himself to rely on, Yeonjun just felt uncomfortable. It had been too long in silence for him to continue the last conversation and he felt too weird now to start a new one. He wondered if the silence was awkward for Beomgyu, too. Eventually, the boy’s phone beeped and he grabbed it, looked at the notification, and sighed. 

“Listen to this bullshit,” he started, “you remember Elizabeth?”

Yeonjun nodded even though he really had no idea who that was. 

“Well! Every time we’re at the same party and we both get drunk she’s always all up on me and kissing but when we both go home and we’re sober and I try to talk to her about it she says she doesn’t wanna ruin our friendship.”

“Ah.” 

“And even worse than that,” Beomgyu began to pout, “we went out to the woods for a while that night at the party you came to, and she smoked all my fucking weed.”

Yeonjun hesitated for a few seconds and then asked, “isn’t your friendship kind of ruined already if you’re already kissing and stuff?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” His roommate exclaimed, “it’s already weird between us...we basically don’t talk unless we’re drinking and then it’s - well you know...then we’re already making out.”

Beomgyu’s voice became quieter as his sentence came to an end. Yeonjun wished he knew how to give advice, but he had never been in a situation like this before. “Is she the one who just texted you?” He asked. 

“Actually, it was her roommate, Alisia. She asked if her and Elizabeth could come over to hang out, what should I say?”

Yeonjun wasn’t expecting to have to make any decisions and his brain fired off in different directions in what would be the most socially acceptable answer.

“...Yes?”

Beomgyu smirked, “you just wanna see the fallout don’t you? Don’t be looking for drama in this household ‘cause I won’t say anything to her face, I’m not gonna bring it up at all! I’m just gonna pretend like nothing ever happened between us.”

Yeonjun let out a small huff of laughter while Beomgyu texted Alisia to come over. “Wait,” Yeonjun thought, “doesn’t Taehyun get off work soon? Should we tell him that people will be here?”

Beomgyu made an unimpressed noise while still looking at his phone, “he doesn’t care. He would only be mad if we’re, like, fucking someone in here and he had to hear it.” His roommate looked over after a few seconds of silence from Yeonjun only to see him avoiding eye-contact and pretending to play with the string on his hoodie. “Are you a virgin?”

Yeonjun’s eyes darted up to the other boy. 

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I’m curious. I’m a virgin so I won’t judge.” Beomgyu explained. 

“Well yeah, I am. I never - uh, nevermind…” Yeonjun stuttered. 

“Wait, wait, you never what?”

“Nothing!” Yeonjun whined, causing Beomgyu to break into giggles.

“You never what! You can tell me, seriously. I told you I’m a virgin!” He exclaimed loudly, and then immediately quietened when the door opened, revealing the two girls, barely holding back laughter. 

Yeonjun couldn’t hold his own laughter when Beomgyu dramatically flopped back down onto the ground, holding his hands over his eyes in embarrassment. 

He never got to tell Beomgyu that he had never even had his first kiss.

~~

His first week of class was better than expected. The university had so many students that nobody really knew each other in their class. The result was a nice and quiet learning experience.

Yeonjun had taken some college courses in high school and was set to graduate university in only three years. Most of his classes this semester were early childhood development courses since he wanted to be a pre-k teacher when he graduated. 

For everyone majoring with teacher licensure, they had to use their last semester in university to be an assistant teacher at a nearby school. Honestly, Yeonjun was very excited for it. Young kids could be brutal but if you persevere and really get to know them, they become very sweet and dependent on you. 

But he still had two and a half years of classes until then. A lot of time to fuck around and not focus. He was itching for the weekend to come back around so he could go out with his roommates again. They didn’t talk much during the week since all their classes were at different times and Taehyun was always working but Yeonjun really hoped Soobin and Beomgyu would invite him out to party again. 

It felt like the only way for him to meaningfully bond with them and become their friend. When Yeonjun drank, he felt lighter. His words came out easier and he didn’t second guess himself so much. He really loved-

A loud ringing buzzed from his pocket, interrupting his musings. He smiled when he realized it was his dad calling. 

“Hey!”

“Yeonjun, how was class?” 

“It was good, we don’t have much work right now since it’s the beginning of the semester but so far my professors seem OK.”

His dad let out a sigh of relief from the other side, “that’s good! Where are you right now? It sounds like you’re in a wind tunnel.”

Yeonjun laughed, “I’m just walking back to the dorm right now. I just got out of class.” He covered the microphone with his hand, hoping to block out some of the wind. 

“That’s better,” his dad said, “are you planning on coming home this weekend?”

Yeonjun bit his lip, he honestly wanted to go party with his roommates. “No...I’m getting along really well with my roommates and we might do stuff this weekend so I want to be here, you know?”

“Oh? What kind of stuff?”

“We might go out - I mean, go out, like, out to bowling or something, you know? The theatre, too, maybe.”

His dad reluctantly agreed, but told Yeonjun he had to visit at some point. “Don’t forget me now that you’re away at college, boy!” He jokingly said before they got off the phone. 

Yeonjun felt a little guilty for lying about going bowling but he wasn’t sure how his dad would feel about it. He had never been one to stay out late or go to parties or drink or even really go out at all. They had never talked about it. Anyway, it was just one lie. It wouldn’t hurt anyone.

When he got back to the dorm, there were several people in the living room. Cans of Mike’s Hard Lemonade were piled on the kitchen counter next to little red and blue jello shots. On the kitchen table stood, in all its glory, a gigantic bottle of Smirnoff, still filled to the brim. 

“Hey Yeon!” Beomgyu called out from their little cloth-covered couch. Yeonjun made his way over to Beomgyu and Soobin, glancing at the other people in their dorm. He recognized Dalton and the two girls from a few days ago, Alisia and Elizabeth. Beomgyu first introduced him to the other three people that he had not met before. 

“So, here’s the plan,” Beomgyu explained, “there’s a party at Delta Phi Omega tonight to celebrate the first week of classes being over! It’s a frat party so it’s gonna be big, way bigger than the little house party we went to last weekend, you know?”

Yeonjun nodded. 

“So we’re all pregaming here and then we’ll head over there at nine.”

“Isn’t it only uh,” Yeonjun looked at his phone, “six PM right now?” Were they really trying to drink for, like, ten hours straight?

Beomgyu and Soobin laughed. “You’ll be fine,” Soobin reassured, “you know your limits, right?”

Yeonjun nodded with no idea what his limits were.

“Oh by the way Yeonjun, what do you usually use as a mixer?” Soobin asked. 

“Well what do you use?” 

“Eh, usually fruit juice. Anything that covers up the alcohol taste instead of enhancing it like those fuckin’ disgusting chocolate mixers.”

Beomgyu laughed, “you’re only saying that because the last time you had chocolate flavored Kahlua you got so drunk you threw it up for like two hours straight.”

Soobin closed his eyes, “don’t remind me. I get nauseous just thinking about it.” 

Yeonjun watched them with a smile, he really hoped that one day he could sit with them and talk fondly of past drunken shenanigans.

Soobin turned back to Yeonjun. “Anyway, I have to go pick up mixer from the xpress mart downstairs so will you come with me? It’ll look suspicious if I buy like three bottles of lemonade and pomegranate juice on my own.”

“Okay, sure.” 

On their way down the stairs to the xpress mart, Yeonjun asked Soobin what chocolate mixers tasted like with alcohol. 

“Imagine taking a shot of Robitussin when you’re sick and then drinking a glass of milk afterwards. God, I’m gonna vomit.”

They both laughed, making their way into the little store and heading straight to the refrigerated section. “Hey…” Soobin’s voice said lightly.

Yeonjun looked over to his roommate, who was still picking out a flavor of lemonade. “Have you ever done acid?” 

He briefly considered lying and saying yes, but pretending to have done a hard drug was probably harder than just pretending to have drank alcohol. 

“No, why? Have you?”

Soobin grabbed a pink lemonade bottle and handed it to Yeonjun. “That’s very interesting.” He smirked. “I happen to have two tabs of it back in my room.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened, “if you get caught with that, you’ll be in big trouble.”

Soobin waved him away. “Don’t worry, I put it in my laundry basket, they won’t look there when they do their check-up shit.” Yeonjun was really reluctant to believe that but he didn’t want to argue with his roommate. 

“We probably shouldn’t talk about it here in public but I’ve done it once before and I barely even felt anything. I probably got some weak-ass tabs but if you did wanna try, I got two left.”

Yeonjun hummed, not saying anything in response. He felt really uncomfortable. He had barely even started drinking and he was already offered acid? Yeesh.

They went to the checkout with two bottles of lemonade and one pomegranate juice. Yeonjun noticed the girl working at checkout was in one of his classes, but she didn’t seem to recognize him. 

“Have you smoked weed before?” Soobin asked on the way back upstairs. Yeonjun just shook his head in response. “God, I need to show you things. I wanna pop your weed cherry.”

Yeonjun stuttered, how could he even respond to that? “O-oh…Okay…” Soobin looked at him and the corner of his mouth lifted up into a smirk. 

By the time they got back up to the dorm, everyone was already rowdy. The TV was playing some music video Yeonjun had never seen before, several jello shots were missing and the pantry had been broken into for snacks. 

Yeonjun was a little uncomfortable, he didn’t know where to go or who to talk to since they all knew each other well and he was still new. He didn’t like how loud they were being because they had neighbors and the walls were thin. The last thing they needed was for an RA to show up and write them up to campus police for having alcohol. 

Dalton eventually made his way over to Yeonjun with a can of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. He wasn’t as drunk as he was the first time they met but Yeonjun still tried to stay distant from him as Soobin had suggested. He was concerned about Dalton, but...Soobin knew him better, right? So, Soobin would know if there was something to be concerned about. 

“Have you tried the strawberry flavor?” Dalton asked, offering the can towards him. Yeonjun could feel Soobin’s eyes on him from somewhere else in the room and his anxiety started to peak.

“Yeah, I don’t really like it.” 

“Oh I mixed some of the regular lemonade with it so you should try, I bet you would like it!” Dalton pushed the can towards Yeonjun again and Yeonjun took it this time. He looked down at the can, hoping it wasn’t drugged or anything. 

Before he could take a drink Soobin came over and took it out of his hand. “Dalton, what did I tell you about forcing people to drink your weird fucking concoctions?” He asked, pouring it down the kitchen sink. Dalton sighed.

“You didn’t have to waste a good drink, man.” 

“It was probably disgusting.” Soobin said, his voice low. When Dalton walked away, Soobin turned towards Yeonjun. “Now let’s get a real drink in you, baby.”


	2. Chapter 2

Yeonjun could feel the warmth of every shot he took, going clear down his throat and bringing a fire into his stomach. He felt looser with each shot, and Soobin refilling his glass with a proud smile made his face flush. 

Remembering how Soobin called him baby just a few minutes ago almost made the warmth travel right down to his dick but he quelled that feeling quickly. Yeah, he was gonna pretend like that never happened.

He decided to stop at three shots. That was probably enough pregaming for someone as inexperienced as him. Even though everyone else had done several shots on top of mixed drinks and other shit, Yeonjun felt buzzed enough that he was ready to socialize. 

They decided to head over to the party a few minutes after 9PM and on the Uber drive, Yeonjun couldn’t help but sing along to the radio with Beomgyu, descending into giggles every few seconds. 

The blond boy was hanging off of him, he obviously had too much already, but was still lingering in that phase of bubbling happiness before you drop off the edge. 

“You’re too small to drink, Beom I bet you can only handle like two shots and you’re gone, huh?” He asked between bouts of laughter.

Beomgyu laughed loudly and yelled, “stupid! It’s all about your tolerance!” 

Soobin shushed them from the passenger’s seat and Yeonjun looked at the uber driver, a man in his 40s who clearly did not like driving around a bunch of stupid kids. The thought of pissing this guy off made Yeonjun giggle.

When they finally made it to the run-down house just off campus, Yeonjun could tell this party was  _ big _ . People were overflowing from the inside of the house to the backyard and front porch. As the three boys made their way around the house to the backyard, Soobin grabbed Yeonjun’s arm, pulling him close enough to make his face pink.

“You know why Dalton isn’t allowed to come to frat parties anymore?” 

Yeonjun shook his head.

“Because,” Soobin turned to him as they walked together, and he smelled so fruity and sugary it was almost the only thing Yeonjun could focus on. “He was harassing some girls at one of the parties and they told the guys running it. So obviously the guys kicked him out and banned him from coming to any in the future.”

“Wow…” Yeonjun said absentmindedly. He was watching Soobin’s lips as he talked. How they looked so pouty when he spoke. He didn’t really care about gossip and he didn’t care about Dalton, but he wanted to see Soobin keep talking.

Unfortunately, Soobin let go of his arm as they made their way from the backyard to the wooden deck entrance. There were tons of people inside, crammed in so tight together that Yeonjun wasn’t sure they could even fit alongside them. 

The music was blasting so loud Yeonjun could feel the bass vibration but he couldn’t even tell what song was playing, this person’s neighbors must be able to hear it.

Beomgyu grabbed Soobin’s hand, who then grabbed Yeonjun’s. They filed into the room and squished past the other partygoers without letting go. At one point Soobin passed him a drink and Yeonjun briefly wondered where it came from but started to sip it anyway. 

They made it to the middle of the room, every moment they were touching someone, there was no avoiding it. Soobin was so close to Yeonjun now.

The house was dark but blinding lights flashed to the beat of the music, making him feel like he was tripping out. Beomgyu and Soobin were jumping, yelling along to whatever song was playing. Yeonjun could feel the bass thrumming deep in his chest and it kind of felt like he was having a heart attack so he took a big swig of the drink Soobin had given him.

Some girl got on top of a table in the room and everyone looked over at her, yelling and laughing as she danced. Another girl pulled her down and stumbled up the table herself, nearly falling off in the process. 

Beomgyu wrapped his arm around Yeonjun, forcing him to bounce along to the beat with him, and spilling some of the drink out onto the floor. Yeonjun quickly gulped down the rest of the drink. The room was already hot with all the bodies in such close contact but now he felt a fire building up in his stomach and touching every part of his skin. 

He turned in Beomgyu’s arm and started dancing with him. It didn’t take long before they were laughing hard and Yeonjun leaned his head on his roommate’s shoulder, feeling so comfortable. Beomgyu was so nice and fun, Yeonjun wished he could be like that. 

Beomgyu pulled back and took a cup from a boy passing by. He took a small drink and then handed it over to Yeonjun. “What is this?” He asked.

“What!” The blond boy yelled, leaning forward.

“What is this?!” He yelled back.

Beomgyu shrugged and pointed to his ears. Yeonjun just decided to drink it anyway. If Beomgyu drank it it must be OK. 

Of course it tasted like absolute shit. He had no idea what kind of alcohol it was but he wanted to keep his buzz going strong so he drank half the cup before giving it back to his roommate. 

Beomgyu noticed Elizabeth somewhere in the room and went off to go see her. Yeonjun didn’t mind, he just kept dancing with all the people around him, feeling the beat of the music infiltrate every one of his senses until it was the only thing he could focus on. 

He felt so much more comfortable here with these random people than he ever did in his life before. They were just trying to have fun, get drunk, and dance. They didn’t care about who he was socially or if he was a loser or anything. He was a complete blank slate to them. He loved it.

All the bodies in the room made it so hot, he was starting to sweat. Maybe that drink was really kicking in now, because when someone wrapped their arms around his hips and almost fully pressed up against him, everywhere their body touched felt like electricity. 

Yeonjun didn’t stop moving. Even when the person’s hands felt up and down the sides of his pants, carefully avoiding his dick or ass. He grabbed their hands in his own, moving them around his waist as he leaned his head back. God, it felt like all the sexual frustration he had been holding in for eighteen years was flooding out. 

He pressed himself back, feeling the other’s chest on his back and their crotch on his ass. He opened his mouth to let out a little pant as the person grinded forward against him, holding his waist back, hard. 

Yeonjun closed his eyes, the bass in the room was too much. It felt like his whole body was vibrating. He was definitely hard in his pants, now, but the friction against his jeans felt good. It was so hot in the room, a part of him wished he could just take his clothes off. 

He leaned his head back trying to fully rest it on the other person’s shoulder but realized it could barely even reach. This guy must be  _ tall. _

Yeonjun turned to look at the person and the first thing he saw were those lips that he liked to look at so much. He looked at every detail of Soobin’s face now that they were so close. The darkness of the room and blurriness of Yeonjun’s vision made him look flawless.

Yeonjun would’ve been completely embarrassed in any other setting but he knew deep down he was OK with being so close to Soobin. Actually, he was a lot more than OK with it. It was a party, fuck it. He  _ wanted _ Soobin to keep holding him in place while he danced and grinded on him. 

Yeonjun moved his hips back. It was a party, fuck it. Maybe Soobin just gets touchy when he’s drinking. Maybe this is just what friends do, not like Yeonjun would know. He kept his head leaned back and eyes closed when he felt Soobin rub against him. He could feel Soobin’s face still close to his, breathing hard, smelling like strawberries and lemonade, making him even hotter.

Every time Soobin grinded, Yeonjun could feel the blood rushing in his dick, he just hoped his boner wasn’t noticeable, and hopefully he didn’t cum in his pants like this. Soobin probably did this with all of his friends. It would be weird if he knew Yeonjun was so turned on.

After a few seconds, Soobin grabbed his shoulders and turned him around so they were facing each other. Yeonjun stumbled over his feet but the taller boy steadied him. He said something that Yeonjun couldn’t understand. 

He pulled Yeonjun through the crowd and thank God he did because the room was spinning and there’s no way Yeonjun could make it out himself. 

Someone put a bottle in Yeonjun’s hand, but he didn’t know who. He took a swig straight from the bottle and made a face.

They finally made it outside onto the back deck and Soobin groaned. “It was so hot in there, fuck, I had to get out.” 

He agreed. It was a lot more comfortable outside, but he still felt warm from the adrenaline, hormones, and alcohol running through his system. Soobin led him to the stairs down into the backyard but Yeonjun didn’t move from the top step. 

Those stairs looked awfully precarious. He couldn’t exactly see where one ended and the other began. It kind of looked like they were moving too. Maybe there was no more blood left in his head, it probably all rushed down to his dick. “Can you come down the stairs?” Soobin asked. 

Yeonjun nodded but didn’t move. Maybe some liquid courage could help him get down the stairs like it helped him talk to people.

He took another gulp of the bottle before Soobin snatched it out of his hands.

“Goddammit, Yeon. This is cooking wine. Where did you even get this?!” Soobin wrapped his arm around Yeonjun’s waist to keep him steady. He felt like jello and cooked spaghetti noodles. “I thought you knew your limit!”

Yeonjun leaned his head away from his roommate, squinting at him. “I know my fuckin’ limits” he slurred. And that was the last thing he remembered before completely blacking out.

~~

Next thing he knew, the sunlight through his curtain was shining directly in his eyes. He reluctantly sat up and picked up his phone to look at the time. It was 7:47 AM. There was a glass of water on his bedside table, but it was still entirely full. His laptop, schoolbooks, and journals had been moved from the bed to the floor. He definitely wasn’t the one to bring himself to the room last night. 

After a few seconds of looking around the room, he rolled out of bed, stood, and stretched, popping a few joints in the process. He actually felt pretty good and awake, he thought he would have a hangover or headache or something but-

Then he got the slightest flash of the memory of throwing up last night and grimaced. For a second, it still felt like he could taste it at the back of his throat, but the feeling went away quickly. 

Yeonjun opened his bedroom door, squinting at the light coming through the living room window. He went to his and Soobin’s shared bathroom to see if it was covered in vomit or something but luckily it looked fine. 

Maybe that flashback was just his imagination. That would be nice.

As he was about to slump back to his room, he made eye contact with Taehyun, who was in the kitchen brewing coffee. Yeonjun immediately felt awkward. Taehyun was the one he knew the least and he was intimidatingly quiet. 

He raised his hand up in a small wave but Taehyun didn’t return it or even smile. “Are you feeling OK?” 

Yeonjun hesitated, “y-yeah I’m actually not that bad, I think. Not as bad as I thought, I guess.”

Taehyun nodded slowly. “Yeah you probably threw up all the alcohol and cleared your system out so you’re not going to have a hangover.”

Yeonjun nodded back but before he could turn to open his bedroom door, his roommate spoke again. “Do you remember anything?”

“Uh, I remember being at the party,” his face began to feel hot as he remembered dancing with Soobin, “and someone gave me a bottle of cooking wine? But I don’t really remember anything after that…”

Taehyun sighed, pouring his brewed coffee into a cup. “First of all, why would you guys leave here with only one key?” 

Yeonjun remembered Beomgyu saying they should only bring Soobin’s key when they went out because they were big and chunky and they just didn’t feel like carrying them around. But with Taehyun’s lecturing tone and hard stare, he felt like he should say “I don’t know,” instead of the truth that they were just lazy. 

“Well,” his roommate continued, “they sent you back in an uber by yourself and  _ somehow _ you made it here but you were way too fucked up to go let them in when they came back so they blew up my phone at three in the morning until I woke up to let their dumb asses in. Nevermind the fact that I have work at eight and I’m so  _ fucking _ tired right now.”

Yeonjun didn’t say anything. He felt guilty, he didn’t know any of this happened but he didn’t know how to respond to Taehyun now. Should he apologize? Should he try to play it off? He just looked at Taehyun until he grabbed his coffee cup and walked out of the dorm. 

After the door closed, Yeonjun slowly opened his own and went back to his room. His hands were shaking a little, but he tried to put his mind elsewhere. Honestly, he was kind of hurt that Beomgyu and Soobin would send him back by himself; he thought they would stick together. 

He didn’t want to be a burden to Taehyun, or  _ any _ of them, he wanted to be their friend. He probably should have just apologized to Taehyun...but he was so awkward. He didn’t know how to get words out. 

A few seconds later, someone knocked on his door. It brought anxiety to his chest that one of his other roommates would be mad at him for some reason, but when Soobin opened the door, he didn’t look angry. 

“Hey…Can I come in?” He asked. Yeonjun nodded his head. 

His roommate closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of Yeonjun’s bed. 

“So, about last night.”

Oh God, Soobin was going to yell at him for the dancing. He knew he shouldn’t have let it happen. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Soobin said, making Yeonjun’s eyebrows rise into his forehead. “I hope you aren’t upset. I didn’t mean to kiss you.”

Yeonjun jaw hung open. He was so, so confused. “When did we kiss?!” He exclaimed. His heart felt like it was going to beat directly out of his chest in a few seconds. 

“You don’t remember?”

“No, when-”

“After we came out of the frat house, when we were on the deck. Remember how you couldn't go down the stairs?” Yeonjun nodded. “I carried you down and we were in the backyard. Someone offered me weed and I got kinda high and I was drunk and you were drunk and it just  _ happened. _ We made out.”

Yeonjun hid his face in his hands and it felt like he was holding an entire ball of fire. 

“Are you OK?”

“Yes.” Yeonjun’s muffled voice called. 

He felt Soobin move around on the bed until he was sitting next to Yeonjun instead of in front of him. “I’m good, too. I’m not homophobic or anything but I  _ am _ straight.”

Yeonjun internally grimaced. Of course Soobin was straight. He was tall and handsome and cool. He knew this. Of course Soobin didn’t like him or anything. They were just friends. 

“Can I ask you a question…” He said slowly, lifting his face from his hands.

“You can always ask me anything.” Soobin said, putting his hand on Yeonjun’s thigh. 

He breathed out, trying to ignore Soobin’s hand. “Um...does Taehyun not like me?” He didn’t know if it was a good question to ask because these three boys had known each other so much longer than Yeonjun had. They were much closer and probably reluctant to gossip about each other.

But...Yeonjun just hated the idea of someone not liking him. He could understand Taehyun being irritated at the situation last night but he didn’t think it warranted the cold lecture he got this morning, especially when they have never talked alone before. 

Soobin hummed, “Taehyun is...well...you know Alisia, right?” 

Yeonjun nodded, she was Elizabeth’s friend, right?

“He really likes her. We’ve known her since kindergarten and he’s always had a big crush on her but he’s always been too pussy to tell her. Well Beomgyu told me that Elizabeth told him that Alisia told her that she thinks you’re really cute and wants your number.”

“Uh…”

“What I’m saying is that I’m sure Beomgyu told Taehyun that, too. He can’t keep his mouth shut. Taehyun probably doesn’t like you because of that.”

“Somebody thinks I’m cute?” Yeonjun blushed. 

Soobin laughed, “uh, yeah? Obviously. You  _ are _ . Are you one of those hot people who doesn’t think they’re hot?”

“I-well, I...I don’t know, people didn’t think that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean,” Yeonjun scoffed at himself, he was about to make himself sound really lame. “I don’t know. I was the only Asian at my highschool. People made fun of me for being smaller than the other guys, more feminine, not athletic, whatever...you know, don’t you?”

Soobin squeezed Yeonjun’s thigh, “we didn’t really have that at our school, no...of course there were a few assholes but they weren’t the majority. I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope it’s a little better now. Now you have me, and I’d never say that stuff.”

Yeonjun felt his heartbeat quicken at the words. He wasn’t interested in Alisia, Taehyun could keep chasing her. No, he was interested in Soobin even if he didn’t feel the same.

“But anyway,” Soobin continued, “Taehyun probably doesn’t like you because you’re attractive. All the girls like you, seriously. I’ve had like five ask me about you and they’re already fighting over you. You’re fresh meat to our little crew.”

Yeonjun smiled. He was sure Soobin was blowing smoke up his ass to make him happy but wouldn’t it be nice if people actually liked him? If girls really did like him, they’d want to see him more, right? And the more he saw everyone, the closer he was to becoming a permanent fixture to this friend group. 

~~

Yeonjun began to fall into a routine. He would spend the week going through classes, doing his work, going to bed at a reasonable time and generally being the good student his dad would be proud of.

During the weekend, him, Beomgyu, and Soobin would go to different parties, get drunk, dance, and have fun until they couldn’t even stand. He couldn’t even count the amount of times that they would be waiting for their uber on a sidewalk when him and Beomgyu would just fall into a heap of drunken limbs that Soobin had to untangle before they could even get in the car. 

He realized he did not really know who his roommates were when they were sober. If he bumped into them at the dorm during the week, he felt uncomfortable. His words were all stilted and jumbled and he was just so socially awkward.

He hated having to talk to people because of this, which caused him to be quiet. It was really hard to make friends when you don’t talk. Alcohol made it so much easier, everything just melted away. 

“I just have so much homework this week...but I promise I’ll be back for fall break.”

His dad made a noise of discontentment and Yeonjun felt guilty. But he also wanted to have fun and party in college while it lasted. He just needed this moment in his life. Then he would become a responsible teacher just like his dad wanted.

“I’m sorry. You know what it’s like to take classes that are really essay-heavy, don’t you?”

“I went to school for engineering so no, it was a lot of math assignments.” His dad responded. 

“Oh...well I promise I’ll be home for fall break. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

When Yeonjun heard the click of the phone hanging up, he exhaled deeply. He felt so guilty for lying but he didn’t want to go home yet. Partying on the weekend was quickly becoming the only thing that he looked forward to.

He had even overheard Beomgyu and Taehyun talking about how weird it was for college students to go home to see their parents on the weekends. They couldn’t understand it because they didn’t have good relationships with their parents. Even though Yeonjun loved his dad more than anything, he followed suit. He didn’t want to be the weird kid that was still too attached and reliant on his dad. 

His phone dinged again but this time it was from Beomgyu, asking if he wanted to catch dinner with him. Yeonjun agreed, but sneaked over to the refrigerator to have a couple shots before going. Maybe he could trick Beomgyu into thinking he was actually a super fun person  _ all _ the time. 

Beomgyu ended up driving him to an IHop. “I just really need the carbs right now to de-stress.” he explained and Yeonjun laughed, “why are you stressed?” He asked. As long as Beomgyu led the conversation, it should be fine. Beomgyu could carry a conversation with a fucking snake if he wanted. 

“Ugh, I have so much schoolwork. I hate being an English major, every single class gives me like three essays a week. Seriously, I don’t think I’ll be able to go out this weekend at all. I have to write a thirteen page paper on which poet is my favorite and why. Isn’t that stupid?” 

Yeonjun pouted, “what are we gonna do this weekend if you can’t go out?”

Beomgyu laughed and then wagged his finger at Yeonjun. “Boy, there are things to do. You can binge watch Netflix shows, you could go ice skating, I think the state fair is this weekend, too. Oh! Actually, I think Taehyun is going to the state fair so maybe you can tag along with him?”

Yeonjun looked down at his plate. “I don’t think Taehyun likes me.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because...I don’t know. He got kinda pissed at me a while back when I got really drunk and threw up and...ever since then we never talked. I mean, we didn’t talk much in the first place but now I just never see him and when I do he doesn’t even look at me.” He rambled.

“Huh,” Beomgyu thought for a second, “I’ve never heard him say anything negative about you.”

Yeonjun sighed, “he doesn’t have to, it’s the way he acts around me. He’s just really cold.”

“Well Tae’s personality is just kinda like that. I admit I used to be scared of him but I think he just has a resting bitch face. Like, this one time a few years ago we went on a trip with our whole friend group and he had a huge crush on Alisia but we got super drunk and I ended up sleeping in the same bed with her.”

Yeonjun’s eyebrows raised. 

“We didn’t have sex or even kiss but I thought Tae was gonna murder me so I went and apologized to him first so he wouldn’t find out from anyone else. It turned out he was fine, he didn’t really care. I don’t think he cares about relationships at all, really. He just seems a lot more scary than he actually is. You know, he was the one who took care of you that night. He stayed with you while you threw up, gave you water and medicine, everything. He really cares about people.”

It took a second for Yeonjun to absorb the information. He thought Taehyun was weirdly jealous about this girl…This story was not adding up with what Soobin told him. Maybe Taehyun was only forgiving of Beomgyu because they were close friends, but he wasn’t so forgiving of a stranger like Yeonjun.

“Are you sure?” He asked, unconsciously picking at the skin next to his fingernails. “I mean, I don’t know. He always seems like he’s going to murder me.”

Beomgyu laughed, “trust me, I’ve known him forever. He’s got a really blunt personality, it’s a good thing because he tells you how it is. If you’ve done something stupid or assholeish, he’ll let you know immediately and then move on. I guess he might not be the best match for someone sensitive, though, because he can be harsh!” 

For a few minutes, they sat in silence, eating. Yeonjun tried to take in the words. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe Taehyun wasn’t anyone to be afraid of, maybe he wasn’t actually mad at Yeonjun. But this was different to what Soobin had said. Soobin was very sure that Taehyun was angry with him. 

“I have another question…” He said.

“OK, shoot.”

“So, Soobin. Has he ever, like, dated someone before?” 

Beomgyu laughed loudly, “God, I think he dated every girl in our school. At least that’s what the rumors were.”

“Wouldn’t you have known? You’re friends after all.” Yeonjun asked.

“Nah, we didn’t exactly run around in the same circles. I mean, we were acquaintances but he was really popular. He was high in class like every day, he went to a bunch of parties and slept with a bunch of girls. Me and Taehyun went to parties, too, but not to the same degree as him.”

“Then why did you all room together?”

Beomgyu shrugged. “We were going to the same university.”

Yeonjun slumped back in his seat. So Soobin really  _ was _ straight. Well, that’s unfortunate. 

~~

“So you’ve never smoked weed before, huh?” 

Yeonjun pouted his lips while his roommate smirked. They were both sitting on Soobin’s bed watching American Horror Story. When Soobin found out Yeonjun had never seen it, he immediately dragged him away to watch it together. 

They were half way through the first season when Soobin asked him that question, his eyes glimmering with mischief. “I told you I wanna pop your weed cherry.”

Yeonjun groaned, turning on his side, away from his roommate. He moved off the bed to sit on the floor next to it so he didn’t have to be so close to the other boy who was snickering at him. Soobin stood up, patting Yeonjun’s head as he did, and began to root through his laundry basket. He pulled out a little plastic container of white joints. 

“I’ve been waiting for this, Yeon. I even went ahead and wrapped them.” 

Soobin sounded way too excited about this. 

“Won’t the smoke alarm go off?” Yeonjun asked, a last effort to just enjoy watching TV instead of doing drugs. Honestly, he was more scared that he would have a bad experience and embarrass himself in front of his friend. He heard that smoking weed while having anxiety can make you feel like you’re going to die and that just made him even more anxious. 

“I put a little cap on it so it won’t detect anything. Dalton has one, too. Trust me, it works! By the way, have you smoked cigarettes before?” 

Yeonjun shook his head. 

“That’s ok. It might irritate your throat at first but you’ll get used to it. I have water if you need it.”

Soobin took one of the joints out and lit it. The first thing Yeonjun noticed was how bad it smelled, the second thing he noticed was the way Soobin’s lips wrapped around the joint when he inhaled deeply. 

He blew the smoke out, then handed the joint down to Yeonjun, who was now sitting on the floor next to his bed. “Here. We’ll share this one for now.”

Yeonjun held the tiny thing between his fingers the same way Soobin did and then inhaled. He couldn’t take as much in as his friend but Soobin praised him anyway. “You’re doing better than Beomgyu, he almost spit out a lung when he smoked the first time.” He laughed and went to sit on his bed, right above where Yeonjun was sitting on the floor.

He took one more drag before handing it up to Soobin. He felt his tense shoulders suddenly droop, he didn’t even realize they were tense. 

Soobin blew out smoke from above him. “So, you never drank until you met us, did you?”

Yeonjun groaned, “no...no I didn’t.” 

He didn’t hear anything for a few seconds so he leaned his head against the bed to see Soobin above him in a contemplative state. He blew out another puff of smoke and then said “so you’re saying I also took you alcohol cherry?”

“If you don’t stop saying things like that…” He threatened

The taller boy laughed, handing the joint back to Yeonjun. 

“Did you just never go to any parties in highschool? I have a hard time believing that.”

Yeonjun inhaled the smoke, his body falling into a more relaxed state as he did. “I...I’m sure there were parties going on, but…” He exhaled, bringing his head forward. “But I was just never invited.” He said lowly.

“Fuck, not even once? Brutal.”

“There are more things to life than parties, you know? I had schoolwork to do. And chores. Wow that kinda sounds pathetic.” He laughed bitterly at himself.

“It’s not pathetic, they just suck.” Soobin said. Yeonjun could hear him rustling on the sheets, laying down on his back, perpendicular to Yeonjun’s head. “The only thing that pissed me off about my school was how my girlfriend always said she thought I was gay.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. But...The thing is, I’d really hate to have to text her and say she’s right.”

Yeonjun let out another puff of smoke, “what do you mean?” Beomgyu said Soobin was a manwhore in highschool, why is he acting like he only had one girlfriend? Maybe he’s just too shy to say he was a player, yeah, that must be it.

“When I was dancing with you that night at the party, it kind of made me feel different. I think I liked it. I think I might like boys.”

Yeonjun didn’t know what to say. It was weird. He could tell his heart was beating as fast as lightning but his body just wanted to fall asleep. 

“I think I want to kiss a boy and see if I feel anything.”

“Who..?” Yeonjun asked in a small voice, the joint still burning in his hand. 

“Well if I kissed Taehyun I think he would slap me. If I kissed Beom I think we would just laugh the whole time. But if I kissed you I think it would be hot.”

Yeonjun waited a few seconds and then leaned his head back on the bed to find Soobin on his elbows, leaning over him. There was a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he stared down at Yeonjun. 

When he finally looked into Soobin’s eyes, the taller boy leaned down and connected their lips. 

At first, Yeonjun didn’t move, he didn’t know what to do. But Soobin began to move his lips against Yeonjun and then he could hear the noise of their lips pulling apart and he didn’t want that. He lifted his free hand up to pull Soobin’s head back down and the boy easily kissed him again. 

He let his instinct dictate how to kiss Soobin and it was surprisingly easy. Their lips moved together like they were made to be together. He finally got to know how those pouty lips tasted, it was perfect. He gripped his fingers in the hair at the back of Soobin’s head, wanting him to be even closer. 

Every time their lips separated for a millisecond, Yeonjun wanted more. Eventually he felt Soobin lick his lip and it turned him on even more. He opened his mouth and let Soobin kiss him even deeper than before. 

He lazily stroked the boy’s hair, feeling his cock harden in his pants. He wanted to feel Soobin like he did when they were grinding together. He wanted to feel more than that, he wanted Soobin on his skin. 

Yeonjun pouted when Soobin moved off his mouth, but the boy only moved down to start kissing his neck. He closed his mouth around a spot and sucked. Yeonjun, surprised at the new feeling, couldn’t hold back a lewd moan. 

Soobin smiled against his skin and moved back up to kiss his lips and then lick Yeonjun’s bottom lip before huffing out a laugh and pulling away and laying back down on his bed. 

Yeonjun laid there for a few minutes while the TV still played American Horror Story. Neither of them were saying anything and Yeonjun couldn’t handle the silence. “I gotta, uh, go pee.”

Soobin laughed, “Okay.”

When Yeonjun stood up, he felt light on his feet. It was a very different feeling than being drunk.

He left Soobin’s room and opened the door to the bathroom, where he was faced with the mirror image of himself. His lips were swollen and red and the spot on his neck where Soobin sucked had turned into a big red splotch. 

He let out an exasperated sigh. He had class tomorrow, he needed to cover all of this up. But fuck, he just did not care enough right now. So after he peed, he went right back to Soobin’s room and plopped down on the bed.

“Can I ask a question?”

Soobin kept his eyes on the TV, but nodded. 

“Beomgyu told me that he cuddled with Alisia but Tae didn’t get mad at him for it.”

“So?”

“So why would he be mad at me over her?”

Soobin sighed and paused the TV. “Probably because she actually wants to fuck you? She didn’t wanna fuck Beom, it was platonic cuddling. Nothing about you is platonic with her, she wants to suck the life out of your dick. Does that make sense?”

Yeonjun cringed, “yeesh, sorry I asked.” They sat in silence for a few seconds before Yeonjun asked how much longer the high would last. 

“Eh, a few hours. Too bad it’s still daytime. We can’t go anywhere right now or an RA will catch us for sure.”

“What should we do until then?”

Soobin smirked and pulled Yeonjun closer to him, “I have an idea,” he grabbed Yeonjun’s chin and rubbed his thumb gently over his red bottom lip. “I messed you up, didn’t I?” He asked, looking closely at his work.

Yeonjun nodded, his breath becoming quick. 

“You’re sensitive, aren’t you?” He leaned down to kiss Yeonjun’s bottom lip. “I wonder how your lips would look after…” He kissed underneath Yeonjun’s ear. 

“After what?” He breathed out.

Soobin started to laugh and pulled away from Yeonjun, turning the TV back on. “This is the best part of the show. You gotta see it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peep the last coupla tags I added. It's not taken too far but...just so ya know

Yeonjun was planning to sleep in on Sunday morning but unfortunately his phone rang and woke him up at 8AM.

“...Hullo?” His eyes weren’t even open yet.

“Yeonjun, come let me in, I’m outside your building.”

He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the contact, it was his dad. 

“Huh?”

“Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah, it’s early.” Yeonjun whined. He just wanted to crawl back under the covers and die for a few more hours. He stayed up all fucking night with Beomgyu playing the alcoholic version of Never Have I Ever. It was very eye-opening. Everyone had way more drug and sexual experiences than him and even though he was slowly closing the gap, he still felt a lot more socially stunted than the rest of them. 

His dad laughed, bringing Yeonjun out of his thoughts. “I came to visit you and see your dorm. I need you to come down and let me in.”

Fuck, his room was an absolute disaster with a couple nasty beer cans strewn around, schoolwork laying around his floor, and even an entire handle of vodka in his closet. “Uh, it’s gonna take me a second, sorry, I have to put pants on.”

As soon as he got off the phone with his dad, Yeonjun grabbed as many empty cans as he could and carried them to the kitchen trash can, shoving them inside and slamming the lid closed. On his way to change clothes, he saw himself in the mirror. The hickey on his neck was blue and obvious against his pale skin. 

He grabbed a hoodie and zipped it up until only his face peeked through. It wasn’t a very good disguise but he didn’t have that much time. 

He pushed the handle of vodka under his bed, hoping it was a good enough hiding spot, and then, on second thought, also pushed all of his schoolwork under there, too. Some pages got crumpled but whatever. He didn’t feel like finding a drawer for them. 

He ran downstairs to the front of the building to let his dad in and they immediately hugged. He really did miss his dad. He was the only person Yeonjun was really comfortable just being himself around.

His dad pulled back but kept his hands on Yeonjun’s shoulders. He looked his son up and down before breaking out into laughter. “College changed you, you’re not as handsome.”

Yeonjun playfully groaned, turning around to walk back upstairs. “You literally caught me at the worst possible time! I was planning on sleeping another three hours.” He sighed, “I didn’t even get to brush my hair.”

“I had no choice. You wouldn’t come to me so I had to come to you. You’re still my son, you know? I can’t just let you run away to college and never come back. You’re not grown up to me, yet.”

Yeonjun breathed out, he felt guilty. “I know, but there’s just...so much work…” he lied. 

“I know, it must be a lot. Your grades aren’t as good as they were in school.”

Yeonjun turned on his heel to face his dad, “h-how would  _ you _ know?”

His dad smiled smugly, “I can log in to your school account and check your grades.” Maybe Yeonjun should change his password. “And if you change your password now I’ll know you’re hiding things.” Ah, nevermind

“I...did  _ not _ know you could do that.” He said quietly, opening the door to his dorm. Surprisingly, Beomgyu and Taehyun were in the living room, speaking quietly to each other. He expected them to still be asleep. He had only left the dorm, like, a minute ago and they were nowhere to be seen.

“Hi, I’m Yeonjun’s dad.” His dad introduced. Beomgyu smiled weakly and forced, but Taehyun didn’t. He didn’t even say anything, just stared at his dad and then walked back to his own bedroom with Beomgyu following him like a baby duck. The fabric of the couch they were previously sitting on had come loose until the ugly gross color underneath was exposed for the world to see. 

Yeonjun turned to his dad to see a confused expression on the man’s face. “Oh, okay.” The man said quietly. 

Yeonjun looked in the direction of Taehyun’s room and felt confusion and anger bubbling beneath his skin. 

His dad watched Yeonjun’s reaction and patted him on the shoulder, a smile coming back to his face. “So which one is your room?”

~~

It was Friday night again, which meant that there was a frat party to hit up. As usual, Beomgyu told him when to be ready. But this time, he had begged Yeonjun to let him put makeup on him. At first he was weirded out because he had never even touched makeup before but...if it made him cuter then it couldn’t be a bad thing. Maybe it would help keep Soobin’s attention?

On the way to Beomgyu’s room, Yeonjun stopped by the couch and pulled the fabric tight around each cushion. He flattened the tape on the bottom. It had difficulty sticking now, with all the times it had been pulled off, but God that couch was so horrendous, nobody would want it if it didn't have the cover on it.

He took one last look at it and then continued his way to Beomgyu’s room so he could become pretty.

“Taehyun is coming this time. It’s the first time he hasn’t had to work on the weekend.” Beomgyu told him as he applied some cream stuff to his face. Yeonjun grunted, making him laugh. “You can speak! It won’t ruin the makeup if you do.”

Yeonjun still didn’t say anything. He was really pissed off at Taehyun and he still didn’t know how he felt about Beomgyu, either. The fact that he could just walk away with Taehyun after ignoring his dad straight to his face...It really got under Yeonjun’s skin. 

He was not confrontational enough to bring it up, so he just let Beomgyu continue to paint his face. 

“You haven’t seen Tae when he parties, he’s so much fun. Except he doesn’t seem like the type to get drunk and his tolerance is so high that by the time everyone else is wasted he’s still buzzed so he just ends up taking care of everyone, it’s pretty funny! He’s such a mom.”

“Ok.”

Beomgyu handed Yeonjun a little mirror, ignoring the obvious tension in the air. “I’m done!”

Yeonjun looked at himself, he actually liked how it looked, which was surprising. He always felt like his eyelids dropped too far in front of his iris, making him look perpetually tired or angry. Beomgyu didn’t try to hide or fix that, but he used eyeliner to enhance them to be sharper and sultry. He was impressed. 

“Hey,” Beomgyu called to him, “if there’s something wrong you can always tell me, you know? I mean, about life and stuff, not the makeup.”

Yeonjun didn’t know what to say, so he just looked at him. He didn’t want to be mad at Beomgyu but it was hard. He was guilty by association in Yeonjun’s eyes. But maybe he was just mad and Taehyun for being mad at him and that was making him mad at Beomgyu? This is too complicated. 

Maybe he did something to piss Taehyun off, maybe it all stemmed from the party where they woke Taehyun up in the middle of the night and he was mad because Yeonjun had never apologized? But surely it was too late to apologize now, it had been weeks. 

Maybe if Yeonjun could make it up and fix it somehow by being nice to Taehyun and being a person that Taehyun would like to be around, maybe Yeonjun could fix this whole mess. He just wished he knew what exactly Taehyun didn’t like about him. 

“Um, do you like it?” Beomgyu asked nervously, bringing Yeonjun back into the world. 

“Yeah...you’ll have to teach me sometime.” He handed the mirror back to Beomgyu and headed out of his room. He still had to change into his clothes for the night. 

In the uber, Soobin sat in the passenger seat while the other three were crammed into the back, Beomgyu in the middle. He and Yeonjun were laughing and singing along to some 2000’s playlist that Beomgyu had blasting out of his phone. 

He held on tightly to Yeonjun, practically in his lap, laughing and bouncing around like a hyper puppy. Soobin was watching them in the rear view mirror and when Yeonjun made eye contact, his chest got all twisted up and he wished Soobin was the one back here with him. 

Beomgyu pulled him back into laughing and playing but a loud shushing came from someone within the car, causing the blond boy to look over at Taehyun and start giggling. 

But Yeonjun didn’t think it was funny. Why did Taehyun have to ruin every moment of fun? He wasn’t fun at all, why did Beomgyu even like him?

Soobin was looking at him through the mirror again and this time a smile grew on his face. Yeonjun didn’t know why. 

When they arrived to the party, he immediately went to the keg and downed almost an entire cup of the bitter beer inside. They had pregamed a little at the dorm but it wasn’t enough. Yeonjun wanted to force his anger at Taehyun out of his mind and just have fun. 

The room was packed around the center where everyone was dancing, but Yeonjun stayed against the wall because he couldn’t bring himself to have fun yet. At least not until he had a few more drinks in him. 

The other three boys came up next to him, Soobin pouring a cup of some other drink into the remnants of the beer he got from the keg. It was pink and swirly so Yeonjun took a drink of it, too. 

“You wouldn’t’ve been able to handle it.” He overheard Taehyun say. Soobin wrapped his arm around Yeonjun’s shoulders, giving him a tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew it wasn’t much, but he loved Soobin touching him in public. A deep part of him wanted to be publicly owned by the taller boy. 

“Hey! I can handle myself in a mosh pit, I might be small but-”

“I don’t  _ care. _ ”

Yeonjun looked over at the other two boys and Beomgyu looked back at him, laughing nervously. Taehyun had no expression on his face. It was so fucking annoying. 

He downed the rest of his drink. Soobin leaned down and spoke into Yeonjun’s ear, “all done?”

Yeonjun nodded and Soobin took the cup, sitting his own full one inside of it. “Good boy, now we can share.”

Yeonjun stopped breathing for a second. Even through the haze of a buzz, he could feel his heart beating like a ticking time bomb. He squeezed closer into the taller boy’s side, breathing in the scent of his cologne. 

He remembered how Soobin called him baby once, and he wanted to hear it again. He wanted Soobin to give him pet names, just call him whatever he wanted.

He felt Soobin’s hand drop from his shoulder to his hip and then slide to his ass. Yeonjun tensed. Even though they had their backs to the wall, he still felt like everyone could see and it made him shy. 

Soobin grabbed a handful and Yeonjun made an embarrassing noise, his eyes widening as he looked up to the boy. Everywhere that Soobin touched felt like he left a fire burning in that spot and honestly, Yeonjun couldn’t get enough. He held his arm around Soobin’s waist, pulling him closer.

“You’re sensitive, I’m barely touching you.”

Soobin raised the cup up to Yeonjun’s lips, who drank everything Soobin gave him. The taller boy smiled down at him and squeezed his ass again. “You’re such a good boy.”

Yeonjun felt something in his stomach but this time it wasn’t good. He kind of felt like he was going to throw up. The music vibrating through his stomach made it feel like it was sloshing around and...yeah it wasn’t good. 

“I have to go outside.” He said, pulling away from Soobin. The whole house smelled like gross weed and bitter beer, now. It was suffocating him and sending waves of nausea through his body.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Taehyun asked, grabbing Yeonjun’s hand.

“Uh...ok.” He really didn’t want Taehyun to be around him at all but he had to get out of here as fast as possible. 

They got outside on the gravel driveway in front of the house and Yeonjun hunched forward, hands on his knees and head hanging forward trying not to throw up.

“What all did you drink?” The other boy asked, rubbing circles on Yeonjun’s back.

“Um…” he thought back, “three shots at the dorm and like, I dunno, three cups of whatever the fuck they have here.”

“We’ve only been here an hour. That’s way too much too fast.”

Yeonjun held back a dry-heave. He really wanted Taehyun to shut up. 

“Let me get you some water. If you drink it it’ll make you go ahead and throw everything up so we can take you back and get you to bed, that’s what I did for you last time.” Taehyun started to turn back to the house but Yeonjun whined. 

“No! I don’t want to throw up. I’m fine, I just need a second to get it together.”

Taehyun pulled Yeonjun down into a sitting position and sat in silence with him for a few minutes, holding his hand. Yeonjun felt uncomfortable. He was trying to focus more on controlling his breathing so he didn’t throw up, but he couldn’t help his mind wandering to the boy next to him. 

He wanted Taehyun to go away and leave him alone to recover. Sure, it was nice of him to sit out here with Yeonjun, but what if he just used it against him in the future? Just another reason to be pissed at him. 

Yeonjun breathed out slowly, he wanted to say something to Taehyun. He wanted to ask the boy why he was so cold to him. But before he could even formulate a sentence in his mind, they were brutally interrupted by the sound of two guys shoving out of the front door, punching and yelling indiscernibly. 

They stumbled down the porch and onto the gravel near Taehyun and Yeonjun, who quickly stood up and moved off to the side. Luckily Yeonjun felt better by then or else he would’ve spewed his guts at the movement. 

“This is so stupid.” Taehyun rolled his eyes at the two boys. “Do you feel better?” 

Yeonjun shrugged, “I guess.” 

They began to walk past the two guys and back into the house, “ _ don’t _ drink any more.” Taehyun said, and his eyes were hardened, squinting at him like he was an idiot. 

Yeonjun just rolled his eyes. He was going to do whatever he Goddamn pleased. He never asked Taehyun to take care of him. If he didn’t want to, then he didn’t have to. He wasn’t going to guilt trip Yeonjun into being sober. 

When they got back in, he noticed the party was a lot more relaxed than it was before. The music was loud and the lights were low but the room wasn’t as packed with people dancing. There were small groups just hanging out around the room, not really dancing. It felt more low-key and sultry to Yeonjun. His body still felt warm from the drinks inside him and it made him want Soobin. 

They found Beomgyu and Soobin quickly and Yeonjun melted right into his side. “Where did everyone go?” He asked. 

“Some guys got in a fight and I think it freaked some people out so they left.”

“Huh,” Yeonjun didn’t see anyone leaving when the guys came outside but maybe they all left through the back door. 

“Did you see them fighting?” Soobin asked.

Yeonjun nodded. 

Soobin looked contemplative, “what did you think? Were you scared?”

“No, they’re just some drunk dudes. They probably couldn’t even punch that hard right now, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Soobin smiled, “what would you do if they weren’t drunk?”

Yeonjun shrugged, “as long as it’s not me I don’t care.”

He squished himself to Soobin’s chest, the smell of his cologne was intoxicating. Then he heard the boy’s low voice again, “I’m sure there are some people you’d love to beat the shit out of, baby.”

Again, Yeonjun couldn’t handle the way Soobin talked to him. He accidentally whined and then stumbled when the boy turned him so they were facing each other. The world felt like it was moving so quickly and Yeonjun, in all his drunken grace, could barely keep up with it. 

The nausea had gone away but his system was just catching up to the poison floating through his body, slowing down his thoughts and allowing himself to be pliable when Soobin grabbed his chin and lifted his face up to look directly at him. 

“You’re so cute like this, all made up.” He squeezed Yeonjun’s cheeks until his lips smushed forward. It made Yeonjun want to laugh.

Soobin lifted his cup to Yeonjun’s mouth, “drink it.” 

Yeonjun opened his mouth, but Soobin poured too much, too fast, and he couldn’t swallow enough. It ran down the side of his mouth and onto his shirt before Soobin pulled it away. 

“Look at you, you’re so messy.” He leaned in close to Yeonjun, “what if that was cum and not liquor?” Soobin swiped his thumb over Yeonjun’s wet bottom lip and down his chin, wiping some of the alcohol off.

“I think,” Yeonjun slurred, “I think it would fuckin’ taste better.”

Soobin chuckled and then stole a quick kiss from Yeonjun. “I don’t know, I think liquor tastes good on you.”

Yeonjun stood up on his tippy toes to catch Soobin’s lips in a much deeper kiss. He was right, liquor tasted just fine when it was intertwined with the taste of a hot boy. Soobin tasted like sugared fruit and he smelled like Old Spice, a combination that was quickly becoming irresistible. 

It was clogging Yeonjun’s senses so much, all of them were just covered with Soobin. Soobin’s hands on his waist, his tongue running across Yeonjun’s lips, Yeonjun wanted more. He gripped his hand in the boy’s hair, pulling it hard and feeling Soobin smile against his lips.

Soobin pulled him forward roughly and Yeonjun whined, Soobin was so tall he had to lean his head back to keep their lips together. He wanted more, he wanted Soobin to be on top of him, touching him, grinding on him, fucking him.

Soobin pressed forward, making Yeonjun’s cock flinch from the feeling. He didn’t want to cum in his pants right here in front of everybody so he pulled away and leaned back on his heels, a dopey smile covering his face.

Unfortunately, he didn’t know someone had been recording the entire time. 

~~

The next morning, Yeonjun woke up to a ton of snapchat notifications. All the people in their friend group were asking him if he was gay, if him and Soobin were dating, if  _ Soobin _ was gay, and other personal shit. 

He quickly found out Beomgyu had posted a video of him and Soobin making out at the party, like it was a joke, and posted it on his public story for anyone to see. And Beomgyu had a  _ lot _ of friends. 

He knew they shouldn’t have kissed in public like that but he didn’t think his own roommate would be the one to spread it around. Yeonjun wasn’t particularly ready to come out, he wasn’t even really sure if he was gay or just liked Soobin. 

Everybody hitting him up and questioning him about his sexuality made him anxious. He had no idea how they could react. What if his female friends were only nice to him because they wanted to fuck him and now they wouldn’t care about him anymore? What if their guy friends were afraid he would be into them now and didn’t want to talk anymore?

On top of that, Soobin had apparently only dated girls throughout highschool so Beomgyu had outed him, too. God, what was he thinking? 

Yeonjun got out of his warm bed and opened his bedroom door, making his way to Soobin’s room. He wondered if the boy would be upset, too.

Without knocking, he entered the room he had become familiar with these past months. Soobin was laying in his bed on his phone but stood up when Yeonjun came in. “Did you come to smoke?”

Yeonjun thought for a second. It would be easier to talk if he was relaxed, so he nodded and climbed into the bed, sat down near the headboard, facing Soobin.

“Do you wanna try the bong this time or keep with the joints?” His roommate asked. He was standing by the edge of the bed holding a joint in one hand and a bong in the other. The bong looked...a little bit too freaky for Yeonjun so he pointed to the joint. 

Soobin frowned, “use your words.”

“Joint.”

That made Soobin start laughing. “What’s up with you? You’re weird today.” He sat the bong on the floor and made his way to sit on the bed in front of Yeonjun.

“I don’t want to talk about it with Taehyun and Beomgyu here, they can probably hear through the walls.” He sighed, taking the joint from Soobin’s fingers. His own were trembling in anxiety. Yeah, it was a good thing Soobin offered him weed. Yeonjun didn’t know if he could even talk to Soobin at all when he was sober. God, he was so nervous and anxious and  _ angry _ .

“They’re not here. They went out to get breakfast together. You can talk to me.”

Yeonjun breathed out smoke but his heart was still beating too fast. He would need more drags to calm himself. “I...have you seen Beomgyu’s snapchat?”

Soobin nodded, “are you mad?”

“I…” Yeonjun took another drag, letting the smoke cover his lungs and enter his bloodstream as far as it could go. “I wasn’t OK with it. I didn’t know he was recording, I didn’t think he would post something like that without even telling us. Nobody knew about us, nobody knew - knew that I’m  _ gay _ or anything and I didn’t want anybody to know yet. I just can’t believe he would do that. And I know we kissed in public so it’s my fault, but...but I was drunk. I didn’t even think about the consequences, I just, I guess, I just wanted you.”

Yeonjun rambled and kept taking drags without thinking until half of it was gone. He looked in Soobin’s eyes and could see concern painted all over them. “I know,” he said with a sympathetic tone. “I would be worried that our friends would see you differently or even worse, if your family saw it somehow.”

Yeonjun didn’t think about his dad seeing it. If the video was uploaded to the internet and someone recognized him, like someone from his old school, and sent it to his dad he would be screwed. He would see Yeonjun out at a party  _ and _ making out with another boy, he would realize Yeonjun had been lying to him about doing schoolwork on the weekends. Yeonjun would feel like a real asshole if his dad found out he had been staying away from home just to hang out with some kids who didn’t even like him that much.

“Even if he didn’t mean to be an asshole he’s still fucking stupid. Him and Taehyun both are fucking assholes, I  _ fucking _ hate them. They don’t care about anyone else’s feelings, they don’t care about how their words and actions affect everyone else.”

“You know, I brought my dad here a while back to see the dorm,” Yeonjun continued, he couldn’t stop now that the floodgates had opened. “They were in the living room when we came in and when my dad said hi, they didn’t even smile. They just fucking walked away.” At this point, he was nearly yelling, the anger he felt every time he saw Taehyun was bubbling over in front of Soobin. 

“My dad doesn’t deserve that shit. If they’re mad at me then they can be mad at me and treat me badly but what is being an asshole to my dad going to do?” Yeonjun felt his throat get tight. He wanted to cry but he tried his hardest to hold it back. 

“My dad...fuck, you know, every night I used to cry myself to sleep because the people at my school were so horrible. They used to throw shit at me in class, they’d run away from me and refuse to work together whenever I was partnered with someone, they’d call me a chink every time I walked into the classroom, they’d steal my desk and chair so I didn’t have anywhere to sit…” 

Now Yeonjun was crying, he couldn’t hold it back. He didn’t want to be weak in front of Soobin but his chest was so tight and it hurt so bad and even the weed wasn’t helping. Soobin was Korean, too, he must understand what it feels like to be an outsider, right?

“The teacher just made me stand in the back of the room when they’d steal my desk. They didn’t give a fuck. Once, I was in the bathroom crying during lunchtime because I had nowhere to sit. People would make faces or noises when I sat at their table so I just went to the bathroom to be by myself.

“One of my teachers found me there and asked why I was crying. When I told him the reason, he just said ‘oh I would be sad if I didn’t have any friends, too’.” Yeonjun let out a bitter laugh and wiped tears from his eyes. He couldn’t look up at Soobin, now. He felt too small and pathetic. 

“I cried myself to sleep every night for years. And every night the only person who was there with me was my dad. I begged him to move me to a different school but he didn’t have the money to do that. He did his best; he stayed by my side every night until I fell asleep, telling me it would get better. He was the only person who cared if I was alive or not.”

Yeonjun tried to quell his crying, and Soobin allowed him that moment to try and calm down. “What about your mom?” He asked quietly.

Yeonjun brought his hands to his face, wiping away the tears. “She…” he trailed off and swallowed a huge lump in his throat. “She was from Korea and came over here to marry my dad. When I was five, she decided to go back home and I never heard from her again.” He heard Soobin take a deep breath in. 

“I just - I keep thinking…” Tears filled up his eyes again, “it was so easy for her to leave me behind. I wasn’t even important enough for my own mom to care about me or remember me, so why would anyone else?” His heart hurt, God, he had never been this raw with someone before.

“I just wanna be someone that people like, that they wanna be around. And I wish I didn’t care, but, fuck, I really do. I felt like I was close to being that person but...it’s all fucked up, now. It’s so easy for people to drop me and forget about me. I’m not anyone important. I’m not fun enough, I’m not cool, I’m not attractive, losing me is like losing dead weight.”

Both of them were quiet for a few minutes. Soobin wiped away Yeonjun’s tears with his thumb. He looked somber and contemplative. Yeonjun was afraid he had scared Soobin away with all his insecurities, maybe if he was more confident, he would actually have friends. The thought just made his eyes swell up with more tears.

“Let me say, I think Tae and Beom are a lot like your classmates.” Yeonjun looked up to Soobin, meeting his eyes. “Your classmates didn’t hate you because there’s anything wrong with you, they hated you because you’re different. Tae and Beom are the same.” He held Yeonjun’s cheek in his hand.

“They don’t like people who are different from them. You know, when you’re not partying, you stay in your room all day during the week and...there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that they go out to eat and to the library and to the park and movie theatre and shit.”

“They do?”

“Yeah, but they don’t invite you because you’re the guy who likes to drink and smoke and party. It’s fucked up, they never even tried to find out if you would like to go or if you would be fun. They didn’t invite you because they judged you and decided they didn’t want you.”

Yeonjun’s spirit felt dejected. Soobin was right. How could they think Yeonjun only liked to party if they had never even invited him out to do anything else?

Soobin’s fingers caressed his cheek, “I’m sorry, Yeon, for everything that’s happening.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Yeonjun’s lips. “They don’t know you like I do. All the shit we’ve talked about in here, all the times you make me laugh. They don’t know shit.” He kissed Yeonjun again, harder this time, before pulling away. 

“Just remember that when everyone else hates you, I don’t. I’ll always be here for you when anything goes wrong. Remember that.”

He kissed Yeonjun again and for the first time, it was a little uncomfortable. His throat still felt tight and his eyes burned from the tears. He put his hand on Soobin’s shoulder, but didn’t push him away. 

There were so many thoughts running through his head about his mom, dad, and childhood that he couldn’t focus on kissing Soobin back. It must have not been enough, because the taller boy slowly leaned him back until Yeonjun was laying on his back with Soobin on top.

He stopped kissing Yeonjun and grabbed his chin, “I wanna make you feel better.”

The front door violently slammed open and he could hear their two roommates enter and head straight to the living room. Yeonjun tried to sit up but Soobin pushed him back down. “They won’t hear us.” He whispered. 

The headboard of Soobin’s bed was directly on the wall that separated his bedroom from the living room. On the other side of the wall was the couch, where he assumed Taehyun and Beomgyu were sitting. 

Soobin leaned back down and caught Yeonjun’s lips, who instinctively kissed back. He heard the living room TV cut on, it was distracting. But Soobin reaching his hand down under Yeonjun’s ass was  _ more _ distracting. 

He grabbed it roughly and Yeonjun held back a moan at the feeling. He didn’t want anyone to hear anything. Then Soobin adjusted them, moving Yeonjun’s legs apart so he could be between them. As soon as he did, he grinded his hips forward, sucking at Yeonjun’s bottom lip. 

The friction between their pants pulled a light gasp out of Yeonjun, he wrapped his arms around Soobin’s neck, kissing him deep. He let Soobin bite his lip, knowing it would definitely leave a mark. 

The taller boy began to grind his hips down on Yeonjun in a rhythm. Every time, Yeonjun got hotter. Soobin started sucking on his neck, biting it, and then pressing a kiss to it before moving to a new spot. He grabbed Yeonjun’s legs under his thighs and lifted them a little bit until his crotch was lined up with Yeonjun’s ass. 

He grinded forward more, but it felt so different to Yeonjun. Having the friction on his dick made it hard and his body hot, but this position made him feel like he was being claimed by Soobin. It was what he wanted. He wanted Soobin to take him, make Yeonjun belong to him. 

Soobin kept grinding his hips down so hard as if he was fucking Yeonjun. He let out an airy moan, gripping down on Soobin’s hair-

Someone banged on the wall and Yeonjun flinched, hard. He pushed Soobin away and it wasn’t until the room was silent that he realized the headboard had been hitting the wall between them and the living room. 

Yeonjun was so embarrassed, his face was burning. 

“That was probably Taehyun,” said Soobin, leaning back down over Yeonjun. “It’s Okay,” he ran his hand through Yeonjun’ hair, pushing it out of his face. “Come on.” He pressed a kiss to Yeonjun’s lips but Yeonjun put his hand on his shoulder, pushing him a little further away. 

“I can’t.” Was the only thing he could say through his embarrassment. His face was probably the color of a firetruck.

Soobin laughed, “you’re scared of being loud, huh? I know how to fix that.” He pulled Yeonjun up into a sitting position. “Sit on the floor in front of the bed, facing me.” He demanded. 

Yeonjun hesitantly did what he said and watched as Soobin came to sit on the edge of the bed. His dick was right at eye-level. Yeonjun stared at the bulge in his pants, even when Soobin started to speak. “You can’t stop that mouth of yours from moaning, huh?” He asked mockingly. 

Yeonjun didn’t say anything until Soobin reached down, grabbing his chin and forcing him to make eye contact. “That mouth needs to be busy with something else, doesn’t it?” 

“Y-yeah…” His voice came out small and quiet. Soobin gave him a sweet kiss and then unbuttoned his pants, still holding on to Yeonjun’s chin. 

“You’ve never had a cock in your mouth, right?”

Yeonjun shook his head, watching the other boy pull out his cock. It was already hard, and popped straight up when it was released from his pants. Yeonjun was so close to it, he could see everything. Soobin held it by the base, stroking it from the bottom to the top and back down again. 

He watched the foreskin slide up and down, revealing the pretty head of his cock. Yeonjun was transfixed, his mouth opened and he licked his lips. 

“You want it, baby?” Soobin asked, every word dripping with tease. Yeonjun nodded, opening his mouth a little wider. His own dick was so hard in his pants, begging for friction. But his hooded eyes were only focused on what was right in front of him. 

Soobin pulled him forward by his chin and pressed his cock on Yeonjun’s tongue. Just letting Yeonjun taste it for the first time. He moaned and closed his mouth around the tip. “Good boy.” Soobin said. He let go of Yeonjun’s chin and instead moved the hand to his hair. “Come on, baby.”

Yeonjun felt like just having the tip in his mouth was a lot. It was hard on his tongue and he didn’t really know what to do with it, so he sucked down on the tip, running his tongue along the head. Soobin hummed, gripping his hair and pushing his head forward to take more in. 

He was still holding the base of his cock, pushing it in. Yeonjun didn’t know what to do, there wasn’t enough space in his mouth. He brought his hands up and put them on his thighs, trying to brace himself. 

The tip of Soobin’s cock hit the back of his throat and Yeonjun choked. Soobin pulled his head back, but not completely off his dick. “You’re so cute trying to take my dick, is it too big for you?” Yeonjun whined around the tip, but Soobin wouldn’t move. “We can try again, pretty boy.”

Soobin pushed in again and Yeonjun tried to keep his tongue completely flat at the bottom of his mouth so the cock could slide in easier. It got a little bit farther before Yeonjun choked again and Soobin pulled out completely. His cock was covered in spit, making Yeonjun blush. 

Soobin pushed his head forward so his cheek was pressing up against the cock, getting a mess of spit and precum over his face. “I knew your lips would get even more swollen when you sucked my dick.” Soobin said, pressing his cock back in the boy’s mouth. “Move up and down on it, baby, show me you like it.”

Yeonjun grabbed Soobin’s cock, stroking it into his mouth as he sucked as well as he could. He could taste the precum when he flicked his tongue on the very tip. He bobbed his head on it like Soobin directed, hearing the other boy let out a shaky sigh when he did. 

“I wanna cum in your mouth.” He said, pushing Yeonjun’s head down again. This time he didn’t push too far, just shallow enough that Yeonjun felt comfortable letting his mouth stay open to let Soobin do whatever he wanted with him. He reached a hand down to his own dick, so close to cumming even without touching it. 

Soobin moaned, suddenly stilling. Yeonjun flinched when the spurts of cum started filling up his mouth. When Soobin pulled out, some of it dripped down Yeonjun’s lips and chin before he could swallow and it made Soobin chuckle. 

“You’re so messy,” he stated, gathering the lost cum on his thumb and then sticking it in Yeonjun’s mouth. “You like?”

Yeonjun nodded, sucking on the finger. His skin was so hot, his cock was still hard and he wanted to touch it, badly. “Good boy, eat my cum.”

When Soobin pulled his thumb out, he looked into Yeonjun’s glazed eyes. “Aww,” he cooed, “you wanna cum, too?” Yeonjun nodded. 

“Touch it, then.”

Yeonjun looked up at him with wide eyes. “Come on, touch it. I want to see you cum all by yourself.” Soobin encouraged. 

So Yeonjun pulled his cock out and began to stroke it, looking at Soobin’s face and then the softening cock between his legs. He couldn’t believe that he had actually had it in his mouth. He bit his lip, feeling himself come closer to the edge. His cock was leaking precum all over his hand. 

He breathed harder, trying not to moan. Maybe Soobin was right, maybe he needed a cock in his mouth to shut him up. 

When Yeonjun came, he made a mess of himself. It got all over his hand and pants. Post nut clarity was going to make him regret that, but it hadn’t quite set in yet. 

“Messy boy, clean it up.” Soobin demanded, still looming over him from the edge of the bed. 

Yeonjun whined, he didn’t know how to clean it up without a washing machine. So Soobin lifted the messy hand off of his cock and brought it to Yeonjun’s lips, letting him lick it off. “Taste yourself, baby. How is it?”

Yeonjun whined again. All his hormones had been released and now he was too shy and awkward to say anything. Soobin just laughed at him and tucked his dick back into his pants. “So, when do you wanna try acid with me?”


	4. Chapter 4

When Soobin told Yeonjun he was going to be gone for two weeks, Yeonjun was a little crestfallen. Soobin wouldn’t tell him why he was leaving, except that it was for “family reasons.” The school didn’t allow students to leave for that long unless they were in the hospital or something so Yeonjun was really curious how he was able to finesse that one. 

He missed Soobin so much. They had been spending almost every day together, even during the week when he was supposed to be sober. He fell into a routine where he would go to class sober, come back to the dorm and take a few shots before going to Soobin’s room and getting high. 

Others might think it was sad that he needed to be under the influence of something to be able to interact with Soobin, but alcohol really deserved the title of liquid courage. Yeonjun had spent so many years trying and failing to keep his anxiety under control but nothing worked as well as alcohol. Besides, he wasn’t drinking  _ all _ the time. He let his body recover when he was in class. 

But he never felt like going to class anymore. He wanted to stay in Soobin’s arms, in his bed, getting high and messing around together. 

Sometimes Soobin took him out to stoner parties on weeknights, where everyone sat in the same room without talking much. Inevitably, Yeonjun and Soobin would start making out and nobody would even notice, too caught up in their own little worlds. 

Soobin had treated him so well. He texted Yeonjun every morning and all throughout the day until Yeonjun came back from class, then they would talk on the phone for hours until they went to sleep. 

At first, Yeonjun thought they were just using each other to experiment on. Yeonjun wanted to learn things about sex and Soobin probably needed an outlet for his hormones. But every time they spoke, all the time they spent together, Yeonjun wondered if it was more than that. 

Now he didn’t have to get high or drunk every night, because he didn’t have to see Soobin, but his mouth was itching for it. He wanted to party. So he went to Beomgyu to ask, but Beomgyu had said he didn’t know of any parties going on. That sounded like bullshit but Yeonjun didn’t question him. Because really, wasn’t it kind of weird that Yeonjun always had to  _ ask _ ? He’d probably be annoyed by himself, too.

On Friday night, he came back to the dorm only to see Beomgyu, Taehyun and Elizabeth in the living room. Elizabeth was putting makeup on in a mirror, wearing a tube top and high waisted glittery pants. Beomgyu had his hair parted, brushed, and tousled. He wore black skinny jeans with a white denim jacket.

Even Taehyun was dressed up in a bomber jacket and ripped jeans. A liquor bottle was open on the kitchen counter and they each had solo cups in front of them. 

“Junnie!” Elizabeth said, smiling. He vaguely remembered her calling him that when he was drunk and thinking it was funny, but now it sounded weird. “I saw your shoe rack earlier. They’re all so cute, I love chunky sneakers.”

Yeonjun smiled, “thanks, I do-”

“It’s not like you ever wear them. You just wear the same pair over and over.” Taehyun interrupted. 

Yeonjun didn’t say anything in response and neither did Elizabeth or Beomgyu. Taehyun wasn’t even correct; Yeonjun intentionally wore a different pair of shoes every day. What is even the point of lying about something so petty just to get a jab in?

He wanted to just go to his room and get away from Taehyun, but they looked like they were getting ready for a party and that was very enticing to Yeonjun. He would love to get drunk right about now, even if he had to deal with Taehyun for the night. 

“Uh, are you guys, like, going out?” He asked, looking at Beomgyu.

“No. We’re going to work.” Taehyun answered instead. Yeonjun looked at him. Taehyun stared back with a completely straight face, like he was challenging Yeonjun to say something. 

Well, Yeonjun wasn’t going to call him out on the obvious lie, he clearly wasn’t wanted. So he went to his bedroom, closing the door and flopping on his bed. He could hear them laughing from the living room, laughing at him, and it hurt.

Later that night, when he checked snapchat and saw Beomgyu posting videos from a frat party, he couldn’t help but cry. He didn’t want to be a burden, he didn’t want to be annoying and clingy and needy. He didn’t want to be someone that his roommates hated. He didn’t think he asked for much, he just wanted to have friends. 

If he had done something wrong, he wished he knew. There had to be a reason why they didn’t like him. If he knew why, he could fix it. He could change himself to be someone they liked, that  _ anyone _ liked. 

He wished Soobin was there, he felt so alone. 

~~

All Yeonjun wanted was to have a peaceful day at class. All he could look forward to was getting back to the dorm so he could talk to Soobin on the phone. 

He barely talked to Beomgyu and Taehyun anymore. Taehyun didn’t care, of course. But every time Beomgyu smiled at him when they passed by each other in the dorm, Yeonjun stone-faced him. A part of him still yearned to fix whatever had turned their relationship sour, but part of Yeonjun was so angry and bitter that those two could just leave him behind and not give a fuck, just as he had experienced from everyone else. 

Part of him wished that he could make them feel the same pain that he felt when he was ostracized. It sucked being stuck in limbo where none of them would confront each other but they wouldn’t let it go, either.

Anyway, he  _ just _ wanted to have a peaceful day at class so he could go back to the dorm and call Soobin. Of course it didn’t work out that way because he was stopped on his way out of the History building by Dalton, who wanted to tag along with him on his walk back to the dorm. 

“My girlfriend left her purse at the dorm when we were there the other night so I need to head over there, anyway.” He explained. 

“You have a girlfriend?” Yeonjun asked. 

“Yeah! You met her before, her name is Maria.”

Yeonjun thought hard, he didn’t remember anyone named Maria. But more importantly, he thought Dalton was gay..and a predator on top of that. All of this shit was getting too confusing, it seemed like every day Yeonjun was faced with information that was completely different to what he had thought before. 

“Wait,” Dalton said, smirking at Yeonjun, “have we ever talked when we’re not drunk?” He laughed. 

“Uh, I guess not?”

Dalton put his arm around Yeonjun’s shoulder, it made him uncomfortable. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just walk next to each other in silence. “Hey I’ve been hearing some stuff lately about you.”

Fantastic, people are talking shit.

“I heard you’ve been hanging around Soobin a lot and,” he grimaced, “it’s really not a good look.”

“What?”

“Soobin isn’t the nicest guy around. I know you two are really close now but all he cares about is doing drugs and fucking. He doesn’t care about school, friends, or family. Things that actually matter.”

Yeonjun didn’t care that Soobin was a pothead. He was, too. It was more annoying that everyone seemed to make it their job to try and ‘take care’ of Yeonjun as if he was a baby. If he wanted to get drunk and high and play with Soobin, why was it any of their business? Yeonjun decided to change the subject so Dalton would leave it alone. 

“Uh, what’s up with his...family?”

Dalton shook his head, “I’m not a hundred percent sure. I mostly just heard rumors about them. But one time, like seventh grade, me and my friends heard that his dad opened up a grocery store so we went there to check it out and I swear to God it was the weirdest shit.”

Dalton’s voice hushed and he leaned in closer to Yeonjun, who instinctively tried to lean away. “Everything in there was expired. Everything was  _ years _ past expired, do you know how rancid the milk would be?”

“Okay?” Yeonjun moved himself out from under Dalton’s arm when they reached the front of his dorm building. 

“Man, you’re really different outside of parties.” Yeonjun ignored him, about to push the key into the lobby door until Dalton grabbed his hand. Yeonjun’s heart started racing, he didn’t want to talk to Dalton anymore, but he didn’t want Dalton to get mad at him for being cold. 

“Look, buddie, I think we should talk about something else before we go up there.”

“What?”

“I heard that you’re, uh, not being cool with Tae and Beom.” He said. Yeonjun’s heartbeat was really picking up now and his hands were trembling. He wished he had never bumped into Dalton. 

“Why.” He asked, surprised at how steady his voice was, even though it was only one word. He stared at the door to his dorm lobby, avoiding eye-contact with Dalton.

“They said that they tried to do a lot for you when you first moved in, like inviting you out and stuff, and you weren’t doing anything back for them. And now you’re ignoring them and won’t invite them anywhere.”

Yeonjun was shaking a little but he hoped it wasn’t noticeable. He wished his body didn’t force him to react this way, but he really could not believe what he was hearing.  _ He _ was being mean to  _ them _ ?! “Seriously?” His voice seethed out. 

Dalton raised his hands as if Yeonjun was holding a gun. “That’s just what Beom told me!”

He really wanted to get out of this situation. He wanted to get away from Dalton, he wanted to talk to Soobin. He just wanted Dalton to  _ go away _ .

Yeonjun made a snap decision. He quickly unlocked the door to his dorm building and stepped inside, leaving Dalton outside. “Maybe  _ Beom _ can let you in, then.” He said, before shutting the door in Dalton’s face.

~~

“I fucked up, I fucked up.” Yeonjun was nearly pulling his own hair out, pacing around his room. “He’s gonna tell Beom and Tae and they’re going to hate me.” Even though Yeonjun had taken two shots when he got inside, it wasn’t making him feel any more calm. He should have drank more. 

“Honestly,” Soobin said on the other side of the phone, “it’s actually hilarious that you locked his ass out of the whole building. I wish I could’ve seen the look on his face.” 

Yeonjun pulled his hair again, running his hand all over his face. “I’m fucked, I can’t-” 

“Baby,” Soobin’s soothing voice called to him over the phone, “remember, if anything gets bad over there, if you don’t feel safe, you can always come to me.”

Yeonjun tried to relax his breathing, but he felt like crying. He really regretted being an asshole to Dalton. The guy had never really treated him badly before, Yeonjun was just taking his anger towards his roommates out on him. But now there was nothing he could do to salvage it, he could never look at Dalton again.

“Yeon, I know you’re stressed but I can hear you thinking from all the way over here. Are you picking your fingers?”

Yeonjun looked down and yes, he was picking the skin from his fingers. He sighed into the phone, “did you mean it when you said I could go see you if something bad happened?”

“I haven’t and wouldn’t let any of my other friends over here, but...I would for you.”

Yeonjun let out a little smile but it was quickly cut short when he heard the front door open and then slam shut. Taehyun and Beomgyu’s voices were loud in the quiet dorm. 

“Are they back?” Soobin questioned, but Yeonjun couldn’t answer. His entire body was shaking with anxiety that his two roommates would come scream at him and he would have nobody to protect him. 

He stood still for a few seconds, listening for any noises of anger, until he could hear footsteps coming towards his unlocked bedroom door. He sat his phone down on the dresser beside him quickly before Someone pounded on it three times and threw it open. 

Taehyun stood there. He just stared at Yeonjun with those big, angry eyes. Yeonjun felt his blood run cold as they just stood there looking at each other. Taehyun in anger and Yeonjun in fear. 

Yeonjun lifted his hand up, his palm facing Taehyun. It was a sad attempt at putting up a white flag before any battle was even fought. He saw Taehyun look at it, and it was so obviously shaking. How pathetic. “I’m not going to fight with you.” Yeonjun said, his last attempt to get the situation under control.

That only seemed to set Taehyun off because before he knew it, Taehyun was yelling at him, his finger pointed at Yeonjun like a knife. “Oh, I’m not going to fight with you. I’m letting you know you’re a  _ fucking asshole _ . Nobody has  _ ever _ done _ anything _ to you here. We tried to be friends with you and we didn’t fucking vibe,  _ big deal! _

“You don’t  _ deserve _ to be friends with us, you don’t  _ deserve _ to be friends with  _ our _ friends. We don’t owe you anything, do you understand that? You’re not one of us! And you sure as  _ hell _ do not have the right to be an absolute fuckhead to our friends just because you’re upset that the only person who has the patience to pretend to like you is the one who’s fucking you!

“I’m so fucking tired of hearing about the shit you’re saying to other people about us! You know we can live in the same dorm without being best friends, huh?! This wouldn’t be so toxic if you didn’t make it that way! 

“And you’re gonna lie to people and say that me and Beom mistreated your dad - are you fucking kidding me? We have reputations, you know that?! And you want to start a fuckin’ rumor that we ignored your dad and tell our whole friend group that? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“I didn’t-”

“I  _ don’t fucking care!”  _ Taehyun yelled and then turned on his heels, slamming the bedroom door as he left.

Yeonjun was frozen for a few seconds before his fight or flight kicked in, causing him to grab his keys, a jacket, and his phone before leaving his room and heading towards the front door. Before he could get there, Taehyun came out of the kitchen with a dirty pan and threw it at the wall next to Yeonjun. “Fake ass  _ bitch _ !” He yelled as Yeonjun got out of the dorm, almost running down the stairs. 

He quickly made it to the sidewalk outside the building before noticing that Soobin was still on the line. He put it up to his ear, but he couldn’t talk. He wasn’t crying yet but he knew if he said anything, the seal would break and the flood would pour. 

“Yeonjun?” Soobin called out, but Yeonjun didn’t answer. There was a knot in his throat so big that he would probably choke on it if he tried to speak.

“I already ordered you an Uber.”

Yeonjun nodded even though Soobin couldn’t see it. Fortunately, Soobin stayed on the phone with Yeonjun until he arrived at his house so he didn’t have to talk to the Uber driver. Yeonjun was able to keep his emotions under control enough that he didn’t completely break down sobbing in the car. That would have made him feel much worse. 

The only thing the driver said to him the entire ride was that he looked pale, which, yeah. He was about three seconds away from spilling his guts all over the windshield. His body was shaking more than a drug addict going through withdrawals. 

He really couldn’t even believe what had just happened. With how long they had stayed in limbo, with Yeonjun guessing that they didn’t like him, guessing that they thought he was annoying, well now he knew for sure. Taehyun absolutely hated him. 

The driver pulled into a gated community, which surprised Yeonjun, but he couldn’t really bring himself to focus on it. As soon as the uber driver pulled up to Soobin’s house, Yeonjun hung up the phone and jumped out of the car, slamming the door without a word to the driver.

When he saw Soobin outside waiting for him, he broke down immediately. Soobin pulled Yeonjun into his arms and let him cry on his shoulder, rubbing the back of head with one hand. 

While Yeonjun’s tears ran down his face, allowing the November air to bite at his cheeks and turn them red, Soobin’s body still kept him warm. That cologne he always wore melted into Yeonjun, bringing him a sense of comfort even with how traumatized he felt right now. 

So many thoughts were running in his head, but he couldn’t say anything. So he just tucked his head into Soobin’s shoulder, letting everything fall out of him like a flood, just like he knew would happen. He cried so hard that his own throat was choking him. It was so embarrassing. 

They stayed like that until Yeonjun’s tears started to slow down. Then Soobin, with the most calming voice Yeonjun had ever heard, said “let’s get you inside.”

Yeonjun didn’t want to let go of him, so he held Soobin’s arm when they entered the house. He took in the sight of the living room as Soobin opened the front door. It was huge just by itself, at least two stories tall. The kitchen was to the left of the living room and next to that was a spiraling staircase leading upstairs.

It looked like there was another room under the upstairs level, but Soobin started leading him up the stairs before he could take a good look at it. He was surprised to see the second level only consisted of a bedroom. 

A large bed was situated in the center, with a huge mirror on the wall opposite to it. The entire room looked pretty empty and extremely clean. Which was weird because Yeonjun shared a bathroom with Soobin at the dorm and he knew that boy was not clean.

“I only have this bed,” Soobin stated, “is that OK?”

Yeonjun nodded, but he didn’t think he would be able to fall asleep anyway. His body still felt like it was in fight or flight mode. Soobin pulled Yeonjun to sit on the bed with him and brought his hand up to the boy’s cheek. “Baby, can you tell me what exactly happened? I couldn’t really hear anything but yelling.”

Yeonjun’s eyes welled up again and he bit his lip. He didn’t want to recount it, he just wanted to forget. “I know it hurts,” Soobin continued, “but you need to tell me so I can figure out what to do.”

Yeonjun took a breath in. “Taehyun...he came into my room and he screamed at-at me. He told me I didn’t deserve to have friends, he said nobody liked me.” Yeonjun put his hand over his mouth, God, telling Soobin all of this was so  _ humiliating _ because Yeonjun knew Taehyun was right. 

“When I tried to leave, he threw a...he threw a pan at me.”

“He threw a  _ pan _ at you?!” Soobin repeated in disbelief. Yeonjun just nodded, covering his entire face with his hands. Soobin sighed and dropped his hand from Yeonjun’s face. “You know, he could get in deep shit for that. The university doesn’t take that shit lightly,” he continued, “that’s assault to them, especially if it hit you. If you told the campus police, he could get kicked out of the university for that.”

Yeonjun swallowed and shook his head. “It didn’t hit me… but even if it did, I just want it to be over. If I told the school, they’d drag it out and-and I’d have to tell this story a thousand times to a thousand different people and I can’t handle it. I just never want to see them again.”

“Okay, I understand. Did you tell anyone else?”

“No, I can’t yet. I can’t tell my dad yet, either. He’ll be so pissed off he might come up to the school himself.”

Soobin smiled. “It’s a good thing your dad loves you like that...do you think you can go to sleep?” He asked. 

Yeonjun shook his head. His heart was pounding and his breathing was fast. His body was still reacting as if he were still in the dorm getting yelled at.

Soobin stood up, “I’m gonna get you some medicine, okay? To help you sleep.” 

He left Yeonjun alone in the bedroom to sit in silence with his thoughts. He still couldn’t believe that his relationship with his roommates had turned so poisonous. 

When he thought about it, he still couldn’t understand why Taehyun hated him so much. One the first interactions they ever had was Taehyun yelling at him for waking him up when he had work the next morning. How could that have been the catalyst that caused this whole ordeal?

Soobin came back quickly, bringing Yeonjun out of his thoughts. He had a small blue pill in his fist that he handed to Yeonjun. 

“What is it?” Yeonjun asked.

“It’s something that’ll help your anxiety.”

Yeonjun swallowed it without any more thought. 

“It’s late,” Soobin stated, “we should get in bed.”

He cut off the lights and crawled into bed next to Yeonjun. They both laid on their backs, looking up at the empty white ceiling. 

“Do you think everyone else hates me now, too?” Yeonjun asked suddenly. 

Soobin hesitated before speaking quietly. “All your friends were their friends first. They’ll be more loyal to Taehyun and Beomgyu...those two have probably already told everyone their side of the story, too. I don’t think it can get worse than it is now.”

He pulled Yeonjun close, until Yeonjun’s head was laying on his chest. “But even if you lost everyone, I’ll still be here.”

~~

Yeonjun woke up in a panic until he realized where he was. His heart was beating out of its chest as all the memories from the night before came flooding back to him. He had really hoped it was just a dream. Whatever medicine Soobin gave him must have knocked him out pretty quickly. 

The first thing he noticed was that Soobin wasn’t in the bed anymore. He pouted, he needed to be around that boy right now. 

When he sat up, he saw himself in the mirror in front of the bed. It wasn’t a great sight. His hair was messy and knotted and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. 

Sighing, Yeonjun climbed out of the bed and padded over to the door. He was embarrassed to look like such a mess in front of Soobin but...if Soobin didn’t judge him for last night then he wouldn’t judge Yeonjun’s looks either. 

He actually got a chance to take in the house while looking for Soobin. Everything about it looked perfect. Not a cobweb in sight. It looked like something that would be on display in an IKEA. 

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard something weird coming from that room next to them. Yeonjun could only hear muffled voices even when he walked closer to the door. It kind of sounded like moaning. 

He wanted to press his ear to the door but he was too nervous that he would be caught snooping. God, if Soobin was in there fucking someone, Yeonjun might lose his mind. 

“Hey.”

Yeonjun whipped his head around with wide eyes. Soobin was standing directly behind him but he had no idea when he had gotten there. Thank God he wasn’t snooping, he was only  _ thinking _ about it. 

“What are you doing?” Soobin asked. 

“N-nothing. I mean, I was, uh, looking for you?” 

Soobin smiled, “did you miss me?” Yeonjun nodded, his lips unintentionally forming into a pout. 

Soobin pulled him in by the waist, his arms coming to rest on Yeonjun’s lower back as he kissed him softly. “It’s past ten, you slept late.” 

“Um,” Yeonjun leaned in to whisper, “are your parents in there?” 

He saw Soobin’s eyes dart to the door they were standing in front of before looking back at him. “No.”

They stared at each other for a second. Yeonjun could still hear noises from the room. He didn’t want to push it in case it was something sensitive. He didn’t need Soobin mad at him, too. 

“How are you feeling today?” The taller boy asked. 

Yeonjun dropped his head against Soobin’s chest, pressing his forehead into it. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go back there.”

Soobin ran his fingers through Yeonjun’s hair and hummed. Yeonjun could feel the hum vibrate and it made him squeeze into Soobin further. 

“We have to go back tomorrow.” 

Yeonjun whined, squeezing so hard into Soobin that he felt like they were one person. He didn’t want to go back. He couldn’t look at them. He couldn’t face them again. 

“It’s okay, Yeon. I’ll be there with you. I won’t let anything happen. Trust me, we could stay here if I had more time off, but the school won’t let me.” Soobin gently peeled Yeonjun off, but still held on to his waist. “Can you do something for me real quick?”

Yeonjun nodded slowly.

“I need you to go back upstairs, close the bedroom door, and  _ don’t come out _ . I need to do something down here and then I’ll come up there when I’m ready. If you’re a really good boy and wait for me, I’ll give you a treat, okay?”

“Uh, okay…” Yeonjun said hesitantly, suddenly he was a lot more aware of the noises coming from that room. His throat choked up as he looked up at Soobin, wondering what exactly was going on. “Do you - do you have any more medicine from last night?” 

Soobin reached into his pocket, pulling out a small bag of blue pills and enclosing them in Yeonjun’s fist. “Keep them. Take them whenever you’re feeling anxious - Just don’t overdo it, okay? I don’t want you becoming a druggie.”

Yeonjun nodded and turned to walk up the stairs. With every step he took, his chest tightened. He had a bad feeling about this. His hand shook as he opened the bag and popped one in his mouth before even reaching the top of the stairs. 

He closed the bedroom door behind him, giving Soobin his space. The room was eerily quiet. So much that it scared Yeonjun a little. He breathed out shakily and wondered how long it would take for that pill to calm his nerves. 

After a few tense minutes, he decided to check his phone, looking for a distraction. He noticed that Beomgyu had left their groupchat, leaving just Taehyun, Soobin, and himself. They had barely used it before but it still stung. 

He tried to leave it as well, but his phone wouldn’t allow there to be less than three people in a groupchat so he just blocked Taehyun and deleted the conversation. 

Then he felt the effects of the pill. It was similar to being high except his body felt like it was floating instead of being weighed down to the floor. With his nerves being pushed below the surface, Yeonjun decided it was a good time to check snapchat. 

Videos of the previous night were all over Beomgyu’s snapchat story. It showed him partying, dancing, doing shots, and then finally a picture of him and Taehyun together flipping off the camera. 

Was it pathetic to watch Beomgyu’s snapchat story after what had happened the night before? Yeah, probably. But he always watched Beomgyu’s snapchat story after the boy went partying without him and Beomgyu was probably very aware of that. He probably posted that story just to personally say “fuck you” to Yeonjun. 

He laid back and groaned. He hated Taehyun and Beomgyu so fucking much. 

He quickly blocked Beomgyu’s account and then decided to preemptively block every single one of their mutual friends, which turned out to be everyone that Yeonjun knew. There really wasn’t a reason for him to have a snapchat account anymore, was there? So he went ahead and deleted the entire app. 

Just as he was doing so, Soobin came in through the bedroom door. They looked at each other for a second, and Yeonjun kind of forgot about the room downstairs, he just missed Soobin. 

So when Soobin came towards the bed and climbed on top of Yeonjun, he welcomed the boy with open arms. “I knew you would be good.” The praise made Yeonjun smile, and he wrapped his arms over Soobin’s neck when he leaned down for a kiss. 

Soobin was so good to him, so sweet. He was the only person who really liked him just the way he was. Soobin was the only person who had seen him sober and still liked him. It wasn’t just to get in his pants, no, Soobin  _ really _ did like him.

The way Soobin was kissing him made him feel lightheaded, or maybe that was also from the pill he took, but either way he liked it. He moaned when Soobin licked into his mouth, but whined when the boy slightly pulled away too quickly. 

“That’s right, baby. You can be as loud as you want, now.” 

Soobin bent back down to meet his lips, sucking them as they kissed. When things got hot like this, Yeonjun felt like Soobin was taking what he wanted and overwhelming him without care. It proved Soobin wanted him.

He grinded against Yeonjun and bit his lip, making Yeonjun moan again. “Yeah, moan, make me know you like it.” Soobin growled, grabbing a handful of Yeonjun’s hair and pulling his head back to kiss and bite his neck. 

Yeonjun was overwhelmed, he grabbed at the cloth covering Soobin’s back, looking for anything to hold on to. It felt like he was being held over the edge of a cliff.

Soobin leaned back, pulling his shirt over his head and then grabbing Yeonjun by the hair again. “Remember this bed, Yeon. Because eventually I’m going to fuck you on it.”

Yeonjun whined, grabbing Soobin’s forearm. His heart was racing and his cock was leaking precum in his pants already.

“Do you want that?” Soobin asked. “Do you want me to pop your last cherry right here, huh?”

Yeonjun squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

“Good boy.” Soobin let go of his hair and bent down to kiss him again. Yeonjun pushed his hips up for friction, but Soobin grabbed under his thighs and lifted his lower body off the bed. He started pulling Yeonjun’s pants down, and Yeonjun was going to say something but Soobin kissed him. 

He used one hand to grab the waistband and his other was on Soobin’s shoulder, weakly pushing at it. He was a little overwhelmed at how fast Soobin was moving. He wasn’t sure if he was ready, he didn’t know what Soobin had planned to do. But Soobin easily and quickly pushed the hand off his pants and tore them down, while Yeonjun gave up on keeping them on.

Once they were off, Soobin lifted up Yeonjun’s shirt past his nipples. He kissed Yeonjun’s jaw and then his neck and finally he leaned down to kiss one of his nipples and laughed when Yeonjun covered his face with his arm. 

Though Yeonjun couldn’t see him, he could feel every time Soobin licked his nipple. He was so embarrassed but his dick was sparking every time Soobin did it. All he could do was lay there and whine every time. 

When Soobin began to suck it, he moaned loudly, his cock jumping. He already felt so close to cumming. But Soobin’s hand grabbed his cock. “Tell me when you’re close, baby.” He said, not even waiting for a response before leaning back up to kiss Yeonjun. 

His clothed crotch rubbed up against Yeonjun’s bare one and it felt so much more intense. Soobin began to slowly grind down on him, making him moan out in shaking breath. Soobin kept doing it over and over, kissing Yeonjun intermittently until he told Soobin he was going to cum.

Soobin stopped moving, making Yeonjun whine even louder than before. He pushed his hips up and again, Soobin grabbed under his thighs and lifted him up. This time all the way into his lap, moving Yeonjun into a sitting position on top of him. This way, Yeonjun could see himself in the mirror behind them. He cringed at how much his cheeks were blushing. 

“I want you to rub yourself on me like this.” Soobin said, kissing his neck. “Like you’re riding my dick, I wanna see how you’d do it.”

Yeonjun pressed his hips down into Soobin’s lap and it felt so good. He could control how much friction his cock was getting. He grinded down, moving his hips in circles and moaning loudly into Soobin’s shoulder. Suddenly the boy slapped his ass, hard. 

Yeonjun moaned mixed with a yell and it echoed throughout the room. He felt Soobin’s chest vibrate like a purr in response. “Keep going, baby, I like when you sound like a whore for me.”

Yeonjun held onto Soobin, he could feel his cock leaking and leaving a wet spot on Soobin’s pants as he pushed into him more. Soobin’s hand squeezed his ass, and a finger crept towards his hole, but didn’t touch. 

He didn’t know if he wanted to be touched there or not, but having it so close was killing him. It was teasing, it made him want it right now. 

Yeonjun was so close to cumming, his moans grew louder and louder and he didn’t realize until now that it could make him even more horny just to hear his own voice. Soobin lifted his hand and then cracked it down again so hard Yeonjun was sure he would be bruised. 

“Ah, I’m close!” he yelled and then met eyes with himself in the mirror. For once, for some reason, he saw someone hot. Someone who looked like a pornstar right now. 

Soobin grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, ripping another moan from his throat. “Do you wanna cum?” He asked.

Yeonjun nodded as best as he could.

“You want me to fuck you?”

Yeonjun nodded again, desperate to cum. He could imagine Soobin fucking him. It would probably hurt, but after that, wouldn’t it feel so good? Wouldn’t the pressure of a cock entering him be so nice?

“Good boy.” Soobin grabbed his cock and only stroked it a couple times before Yeonjun released all over his hand. He held Yeonjun in place while he orgasmed, and then kissed his lips. Yeonjun almost immediately felt really tired. He laid his head on Soobin’s shoulder. That anxiety medicine was really working through him.

“Should I give you a blowjob?” He asked quietly, his eyes already closed. 

Soobin let out a huff of a laugh, “no, it’s ok. You can take a nap.”

Yeonjun didn’t want to nap because then his day would be shorter. He wanted to avoid tomorrow as long as possible. He wished he could stay with Soobin forever, he didn’t need any other friends. 


	5. Chapter 5

Instead of ordering an Uber, Soobin drove them back to campus. Yeonjun caught a glimpse of the cars in the garage so he was confused when Soobin ushered him into a big chunky pickup truck. To be honest, he would have liked to pull in to school with the silver jaguar he saw. It even had a fierce little jaguar figure jumping on the front like it was going to kill someone. He liked that. 

But Soobin told him the truck was better because if they got in an accident, it had more muscle to protect them. That was probably true. 

Yeonjun looked out the window of the truck as they drove down the highway. “Them’s a real truck ya could go muddin’ in.” He absentmindedly said, layered with a thick faux-southern accent. He was high on another one of those pills, which was why he had the nerve to say anything at all, let alone something so dumb. But he promised Soobin once they got back he’d use alcohol and weed exclusively. 

Soobin laughed. “Wow, you really  _ are _ from around here.”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun drawled, “the big ATL...wait,  _ you _ grew up here, too. Just further into the city than me. Don’t act like you’re not a part of this culture, bub.”

“Well I wasn’t born here. I was born in New York, that’s where my parents are, actually. I go there every summer.”

Yeonjun squinted at him. “What? So the rest of the year you just live here by yourself? I thought the whole reason you left for two weeks was because you had family business.”

Soobin smiled, keeping his eyes on the road. “Yeah my dad actually came to visit. He wanted to teach me some things about the family business. I’m going to take it over in a couple years.” His eyes were glimmering. 

“Oh. So then why are you in college?”

Soobin laughed, “because I feel like it.”

“Oh whatever. You don’t even go to class, you pothead.”

“Well, if I didn’t go to college then I wouldn’t have met you.” Soobin’s voice had lost its teasing lilt. Instead, it was dripping with something that Yeonjun was too scared to call love. So instead, he told himself it was a deep affection, as if those were two different things. Maybe then Yeonjun could pretend like he didn’t love Soobin. 

Yeonjun smiled and looked back out the window, his heart warming like a fireplace on Christmas Eve. He didn’t need to say anything, he was sure Soobin could read his mind. A comfortable silence fell over them. 

~~

Coming back into the dorm was extremely uncomfortable. Even though nobody was there when they walked in, Yeonjun felt anxious just walking into his own bedroom. It felt like Taehyun was still standing in that spot in front of his door, screaming at him. 

Soobin promised he wouldn’t leave Yeonjun alone. Neither of them left the dorm for the entire day, so Yeonjun tried to do homework to keep his mind off of it. He wondered if it was inevitable that there would be a second confrontation, if Taehyun would come back screaming and throwing shit and punching his door like the first time. 

What would Soobin do? Yeonjun had never seen him angry at their roommates, he had never seen him fight anyone or even raise his voice. He wondered if it would be as scary as Soobin sounded on one of the first days they met, when he said how much he hated liars. There was something really unnerving about how collected Soobin always acted, but maybe he was only like that around Yeonjun to keep him calm, too. 

But even thinking about another confrontation sent another wave of anxiety over him. He just wanted to never see Taehyun or Beomgyu again. Well, maybe it would be a little better after the winter break that was coming soon. Maybe everyone could just forget that this happened. Yeonjun sighed, not even believing himself. Things never got better just by waiting. 

He left his room after a few hours of catching up on homework and knocked on Soobin’s door, who immediately told him to come in. “I’m sorry.” Yeonjun said once he made it inside. Soobin was laying in bed, playing on his phone. 

“Why are you sorry?”

Yeonjun climbed under the covers and tucked his chin into Soobin’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna be clingy but I can’t stand to be in there. It feels like that room is giving me PTSD.”

“Hm. That’s interesting.”

“What do you mean?”

Soobin hummed contemplatively. “Well, I love that you’re clingy. It makes me feel like you need me. You don’t have to be afraid to need me.” 

Yeonjun smiled and wrapped his arms around Soobin. “I need you.” He said, though he kind of wanted to say three different words instead. But Soobin probably knew that. 

“What classes do you have tomorrow?” Yeonjun asked. 

“Eh, just one from 9:00-10:45. Maybe I could take you out somewhere for lunch after that?” He smiled and ran his hand through Yeonjun’s dark hair. 

“Oh, really? You don’t have to. I...It would be nice to get away from here, though.”

Soobin was silent for a moment. “I know a place in New York,” he said quietly, “where you can get private rooms in the back. My dad uses them for meetings, I even got to sit in on one. The whole time I was just thinking it would be such a great place to fuck someone.”

Yeonjun blushed. “Do the staff have to knock before coming in? Wouldn’t it be weird if-”

“No they just come in whenever they need to. They’re...well, they’re not exactly, uh...they won’t tell anyone what they hear, even if it’s illegal.”

Yeonjun squinted up at him. “How would you know?”

Soobin sighed and then turned on his side to face Yeonjun. “Can I tell you a secret? Can you promise not to tell anyone?”

Yeonjun nodded, because he really did not have anyone to tell in the first place, but he was nervous about what Soobin had to say. 

“When I was a baby, both of my parents lived at my mom’s parents’ house because they were strapped for money. Long story short, my grandma found drugs hidden in my baby blanket and she freaked out and kicked them both out.”

“Oh...I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, so that was my dad’s job back then...and it kinda still is.”

“You mean, selling drugs? Wait! Is that where you get all your weed from?”

Soobin laughed. “God, the things you choose to focus on are so goddamn funny. Anyway, no, I get it myself from a buddie down here.”

Yeonjun smiled. He didn’t really have a problem with Soobin’s dad dealing drugs. There are a lot worse things he could do. At least weed didn’t really hurt anybody… “Wait,” he said quietly, “he doesn’t hurt anybody, right? It’s just drugs, right? He’s not a horrible person, right?”

“Yeon, chill. No, he doesn’t do any of that stuff. He’s a good guy.” Soobin reassured him and continued petting Yeonjun, running his fingers through his hair and scratching his head. 

“Huh…is this the family business you were talking about taking over before?”

Then Soobin hardened his eyes at Yeonjun, almost glaring at him. It made his stomach twist into itself with anxiety. He got the sudden urge to shut up, apologize, and ask for forgiveness all at the same time. 

“Yeon.” 

“Y-yeah?”

“You remember when we were at my house and I told you to go upstairs because I had something to do?”

Yeonjun nodded.

“Good. It’s a secret that I have to keep. But if you keep trusting me, I’ll show you.”

Yeonjun nodded again, letting Soobin kiss his forehead. 

Later that night, they heard Taehyun and Beomgyu come back to the dorm, but they didn’t even take a step towards Soobin or Yeonjun’s rooms. 

~~

Soobin woke him up the next morning before leaving for class with a kiss on his forehead. By the time he left the room, Yeonjun was still groggy. He dragged himself out of bed and threw on a pair of Soobin’s sweatpants and a t-shirt. 

He could hear voices coming from the kitchen and he didn’t even have to press his ear to the door to be able to hear it. It sounded like Beomgyu had someone on speakerphone. 

“I gave this boy so many chances,” he said, “I tried to invite him out and be friends with him but it doesn’t matter what I do, he doesn’t even try to do anything in return.”

Yeonjun exhaled slowly, trying to calm his boiling blood. It was happening now. Beomgyu was talking to other people on the phone, trying to ruin his reputation. The person on speakerphone started talking, but Yeonjun couldn’t make out what they said. 

“Well he’s annoying but I don’t think he deserves to  _ die _ !” Beomgyu responded, laughing loudly. How badly Yeonjun wanted to storm out there and strangle him until the only noise he could make is a death rattle. 

He swung Soobin’s bedroom door open and walked to their bathroom. Once inside, he looked down at his hands, shaking in a mixture of frustration and anxiety. He didn’t want to fight Beomgyu, he didn’t want to fight  _ anyone,  _ he just wanted them to stop talking about him and stop fucking with him. 

One of his thumb nails had cracked down the center about a third of the way down his finger, then horizontally across it, causing him to clench his fist. It must have happened in his sleep. He quickly reached under the sink for a band aid. When his nail split down the middle, he had to just rip the whole broken part off or else it would crack further down. It was the same shit that happened to him when he was being bullied. He wished he would just not get so stressed. 

He sat on the toilet lid with the bandaid and squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Three, two, one-’

He ripped both halves of the nail off in quick succession and then opened his eyes. It looked so ugly now. He really needed to get his stress under control or he would lose more. 

As he wrapped the band aid around his thumb, he remembered a time in middle school when all of his fingers had been wrapped in band aids. One of his nails had completely fallen off and it took almost a year to grow back. Fuck, this was just like back then, wasn’t it? 

It burned under the bandaid, but Yeonjun was used to the feeling by now. So he stood up and opened the bathroom door. He looked at the kitchen and nobody was in there. Beomgyu must have left when he saw Yeonjun leave Soobin’s room, it was safe to get some food or a drink. 

He made his way to the fridge, grabbing their shared Brita Filter and pouring a glass of water. When he turned around to take the glass back to Soobin’s room, Beomgyu was standing in the doorway that led out of the kitchen. Yeonjun immediately felt caged and cornered. He remembered what Soobin told him at the first party they went to, that Yeonjun should always look out for people who put you in a corner with no escape. 

“Are you okay?” Beomgyu asked. 

“What do you mean.” Yeonjun asked. He wasn’t sure why he asked that, because the answer was obvious. Maybe he wanted to hear Beomgyu say it himself. How they had mistreated him. 

Apparently Beomgyu didn’t like that question, because he scrunched up his face in annoyance. “Uhh, a few nights ago. You know, after you left, I’m the reason why the RA texted you because I told him to check up on you after Taehyun freaked out.”

Nobody had texted Yeonjun, that was just complete bullshit, he couldn’t believe how easy it was for Beomgyu to lie straight to him with such a smug look on his face. 

“Anyway,” the boy continued, “I think it’s messed up that you blocked me and Taehyun from seeing your snapchat.”

Yeonjun sighed, “can you just leave me alone?”

As soon as he said that, Taehyun walked out of his bedroom and stood next to Beomgyu at the entrance to the kitchen. “Did you use my fucking water filter?” 

Yeonjun sat his glass on the counter. He didn’t even know that thing belonged to Taehyun, why couldn’t they just leave him alone? 

He was thinking about just shoving past them to get to his room, but then Beomgyu started talking again. 

“Look, I know it seems like we’re ganging up on you, but we’re trying to help you.” Yeonjun furrowed his brows. “We’re actually very reasonable people. I noticed you locked your bedroom door when you left the other night and that was really unnecessary. Like, what did you think we were gonna do? Go rip up your shoes?”

Taehyun didn’t even wait for Yeonjun to answer, instead asking: “What did you tell the RA?”

“I didn’t tell him anything.” Yeonjun said through gritted teeth.

“No, I want to know exactly what you told him. Every fucking word. Because he wants to have a meeting with all of us and there’s no other way he could’ve known what happened except for  _ you _ .”

“I didn’t say  _ anything _ !” Yeonjun yelled, and Beomgyu raised his hands up at him.

“Woah, calm down, nobody’s attacking you. We don’t have a problem with you” The blond boy said.

“I have a problem with him!” Taehyun said, taking a step forward. “You’re fucking spreading lies about us to our own friends and trying to ruin our reputation here!”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“Guys, guys, chill out.” Beomgyu stood in between them. “If you don’t stop yelling someone will hear it and tell the RA.” God, Yeonjun wished they would just shut up about the fucking RA.

“Maybe it would be better to have a mediator, okay?” Beomgyu continued. “If we just have the meeting with the RA maybe he can help us figure all of this out. Maybe it’s just a big misunderstanding.”

“It’s not a fucking misunderstanding when he’s been an asshole the entire time he’s been here.” Taehyun said, still looking directly at Yeonjun with hatred in his eyes. 

Beomgyu put his hand on Taehyun’s chest and pushed him back a few steps from Yeonjun. “What time are you available? So we can tell the RA when to come over?”

Once again, Taehyun couldn’t wait for Yeonjun to answer the question before piping in: “why does it matter? He’s probably  _ always _ free. Some of us have jobs, you know? Instead of being a fucking bottom bitch for anyone who’ll pay you two seconds of attention.”

Yeonjun had had enough. He pushed past them with no response and went to his own bedroom, worried that they would continue to harass him if he went to Soobin’s. Unfortunately, he forgot his glass of water in the kitchen, but that was probably a good thing too because Taehyun might have gone on another rant about the Brita Filter. 

Honestly, Yeonjun couldn’t handle it anymore. He couldn’t stay in this dorm, knowing that those two were waiting for any moment that he was alone to come attack him. Even his own bedroom didn’t feel safe even though he had preemptively locked the door so they couldn’t follow. Why couldn’t they just stop fucking with him?

His entire life, people just keep fucking with him and he didn’t know why. Were they waiting for him to snap? What did they get out of this? What could they possibly gain?

Yeonjun felt bitter tears burning at the back of his eyes but he pushed them away. It was naive of him to think that things could change from how they had always been. Everybody was exactly the same except for Soobin. He didn’t mind if all of them died except for Soobin.

He pulled his laptop out from underneath his bed and opened it, going to the school’s housing and residency page. It was easy to find a room change request form, but Yeonjun didn’t know how long it would take to be reviewed. 

It would be best to leave this entire dorm behind, even Soobin. He could just have Soobin come visit him in a new dorm, right? Or would Soobin be poisoned by those two snakes when he left? 

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind. Soobin said he would always be there for Yeonjun no matter what. So Yeonjun submitted the room change request and then laid back in bed. He thought about emailing his professors about the situation, too, so they would understand if his work wasn’t as good as usual, but...when had he ever been able to depend on a teacher before? Nobody had ever shown him sympathy before so why would they suddenly start now?

His phone dinged twice in just a few minutes, one text from Soobin and another from Alisia. 

Soobin asked him if he had requested to change rooms and, shit, he didn’t know it would notify them. Did that mean Taehyun and Beomgyu got a notification, too?

Alisia’s text was a screenshot of Taehyun’s snapchat story. A picture of his bedroom carpet with the words “open invite to my dorm tonight cuz we gonna celebrate dropping the shittiest roommate in the world”

Yeonjun stared at the screenshot for a few minutes. His blood was boiling so hot it was melting his brain into an unrecognizable slush. All he could feel was a deep, dark, hot anger. 

Suddenly, he balled his hand up into a fist and punched his own leg as hard as possible. Then again and again until there was a huge, swollen spot on the front of his thigh when he pulled his pants down. It throbbed in pain, but Yeonjun smiled. 

He stood up, his heart still beating out of his chest, and he opened his bedroom door, leaving it open as he walked out the front door of the dorm. He walked down the flight of stairs to the first floor and over to the housing and residence office. 

As soon as he opened the door to the office, his brows turned up and his lips quivered. His breathing quickened as if he had been running the whole way, and his eyes even filled with thick, hot tears.

“What’s wrong?” The woman at the front desk asked.

“My roommates,” he said, then put his hand over his mouth, as if it was so hard to say. “I need to talk to someone because I can’t stay there another night, I’m  _ scared. _ ”

The woman looked at him with concern in her eyes. “Are you in danger?”

He nodded, “they threw a pan at me and screamed at me.”

“Okay, let me call the Graduate Resident of the Freshmen Hall and I’m going to request a campus Police Officer.”

Yeonjun nodded again and let out a shaky exhale. He looked down at his shoes while she called, letting tears fall down his face freely. 

When she got off the phone, she looked back to him. She looked so worried about him, it kind of made him feel special. “Are you injured? Do I need to call for medical attention?”

“No...it just hit my leg.” Yeonjun was quite surprised. He really was not expecting such a quick and drastic response. Maybe Soobin was right, maybe they would take him seriously.

It didn’t take long for the RA to appear at the door, coming up to Yeonjun and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey Yeonjun. The Graduate Assistant, Vidya, told me to come up here. She’s coming up in about five minutes with a campus officer. Let’s go ahead back to her office, okay?”

Yeonjun nodded and they walked back to a room that had a circular wooden table with four chairs around it. There was a shelf along the wall that was covered in Funko Pop dolls, but nothing else was in the room. 

The RA pulled one of the chairs to the other side, so it was one facing three. Yeonjun sat on the side with the single chair and closed his eyes, pushing out more tears. 

“Here, I have tissues. If you need more during the meeting I can get some, okay? Don’t be afraid to ask.”

Yeonjun nodded, wiping away the tears with a tissue, but still keeping his eyes wet. 

“I’m assuming this is about some kind of altercation that happened a few days ago?” The RA asked.

Yeonjun nodded again, “d-did you get a text from my roommates?”

“I got a text from Beomgyu and Soobin, yes. They were pretty different in content. Beomgyu texted first; he said something along the lines of ‘can we talk at some point, no rush’ and I was busy so I hadn’t gotten back to him yet. Soobin texted yesterday asking if I could set up a meeting with all of you to sort some bad energy out. I’m assuming it has gotten worse?”

“Yeah, a lot worse…”

The police officer and Graduate Resident came into the room before he could elaborate and sat in the two empty chairs next to the RA. “Hello, I’m Vidya,” the Graduate Assistant introduced, holding her hand out to shake Yeonjun’s. “I heard things aren’t going too well in your dorm. Can you tell me what happened from the beginning?”

Yeonjun sighed and bit his lip, looking down at the table. “I...well...Taehyun came into my room on Friday night and he was really angry. He hit my door, he didn’t knock, he hit it and my door was unlocked so then he just  _ came in _ . He was - he was  _ screaming _ at me.” His eyes started to water again, and he pulled another tissue out of the little baggie.

“What was he saying?” Vidya asked.

“Um, he said that I didn’t deserve for anyone to like me or love me or care about me…” He felt his lips tremble while recounting it and he could feel all three of the people in there watching him with sadness. “He said that, he screamed it at me, and then he left…”

Vidya nodded. “Where were your other roommates?” 

“Soobin was at his house away from the dorm but I don’t know where Beomgyu was. I don’t know if he was at the dorm or not...and after all this happened I left, I didn’t stay the night there, I  _ couldn’t,  _ I didn’t feel safe.” 

“That’s totally understandable. So what happened after that?”

“I came back to the dorm yesterday but I didn’t see them. Then this morning I went to get a cup of water but Beomgyu and Taehyun wouldn’t let me out of the kitchen. They were standing in the doorway so I couldn’t leave…” Yeonjun hesitated, letting a few more tears fall down his cheeks. “They both started yelling at me, and Taehyun made fun of me for being gay...” His voice broke on the last word and he put his face in his hands, crying harder than he was before. 

Vidya shook her head. “That is completely unacceptable behavior, here at our university.”

Yeonjun wiped his eyes with the tissue and looked up at the ceiling, as if he were trying to get the tears to stop falling. “And after that, I went to my room and submitted a room change form and - and someone sent me a screenshot of his snapchat where he’s still talking about me...and then I was gonna come down here to see if I can get my room changed quicker but when I passed by the kitchen, Taehyun threw a pan at me…” He cried, his voice barely able to make it through without breaking. 

“He threw a pan at you?!” Vidya asked, her eyes wide and alarmed. 

“Yes, it hit me on the leg. I - I’ll probably have a bruise there.”

“Do you want to press charges against him? If you have a bruise, it’s really an open and shut case. Them screenshots won’t hurt, either.” The officer said in his slow southern drawl.

“Yes, I do.” Yeonjun answered with finality.

“Okay, so let’s talk about where we go from here.” Vidya said. “You’re going to give a statement to the campus officer and that will be immediately sent to the Dean once it’s filed. Since it’s obviously dangerous for you to be in the dorm with them, we’re going to take you upstairs to grab your essentials and then move you into an emergency room by yourself for tonight and hopefully tomorrow we can figure out a new room for you to move into. How does that sound?”

Yeonjun nodded, his hands were still shaking when Vidya and the RA waved him goodbye, leaving him with the police officer to tell the story all over again. 

It wasn’t until they took him to his new single-roomed dorm across campus that he let his guard down and smiled. Honestly, he wanted to laugh. He wanted to see Taehyun’s face right now when the officer went to tell him he had to see the Dean for an assault charge. 

And Taehyun couldn’t argue. Yeonjun had the huge blistering red mark on his thigh from  _ something _ hitting him. He even pulled his pants down in front of the police officer to show him exactly where he had been “hit.” What proof did Taehyun have? Maybe if Taehyun had even a single brain cell, he wouldn’t have posted his hatred for Yeonjun all over social media where anyone could screenshot it. 

Yeonjun texted Soobin, telling him where the new room was. When Soobin got there, he explained the entire situation and what he had done. Part of him was expecting Soobin to be upset, considering the text message he had sent to the RA. But as he explained what he had done, Soobin’s eyes grew wider in what seemed like pride. 

“I can’t believe you lied to them...I wish I could’ve seen it! You played them so fucking good, Yeon. I want to see your acting.”

“Well, it wasn’t  _ all _ acting. I mean, Taehyun and Beomgyu made me cry a lot before. I was just using it to my advantage this time.”

Soobin hummed and then sat in front of Yeonjun on his bed. His face suddenly had a serious expression. “Have you ever done something like this before?”

“Um, yeah. Well, not intentionally but yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“I had forgotten to do a homework assignment and I was really upset at myself about it. So after class I went to the teacher because I was going to ask to submit it late but I was so stressed and anxious and scared that I’d get yelled at that I started crying before I could even get the question out. The teacher thought that something bad had happened, like, she thought that someone in my family died and that’s why I was crying so hard. I didn’t even have to say anything, it’s just what she assumed. And she said I could take as long as I needed.”

Soobin smiled again. “Yeon, that’s a fuckin’ talent if you ask me. Actually…” He ran his hand through Yeonjun’s hair like a proud father. “Do you think you can help me with something? Remember how I said I’d show you my secrets if you’re good?”

Yeonjun nodded.

“Good because I have something you can help me with, but you have to keep quiet about it. Can you do it?”

“I - well what is it?” He asked. Soobin ignored the question and slowly leaned in, pressing a sweet kiss to Yeonjun’s lips. Yeonjun closed his eyes and allowed it, melting any doubt away. 

“You have to promise me that you won’t be mad first.” He said quietly. “It’s really important. Yeon, I really like you, and I trust you. I trust that you won’t tell anyone. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.” Yeonjun replied adamantly. He trusted Soobin more than anyone in the world. “I won’t tell anyone and I won’t be mad…” How bad could it be, anyway? 

Soobin smiled and kissed him again. “Okay so...I kind of lied when I said I didn’t get drugs from my dad. I was scared you’d be mad at me but now I can see what kind of person you are and I know that you won’t judge me for that, right?”

Yeonjun nodded. He was surprised that Soobin would be scared of his reaction. Yeah, selling drugs was not legal, but there were much worse things he could be doing. Honestly, Yeonjun was just surprised that Soobin even cared about his opinion at all. Yeonjun was always scared of other people’s thoughts on him but he never felt it the other way around. He liked that feeling, it almost made him feel powerful. 

“I’ve been helping him by selling some stuff on the side but when I was trying to sell to one guy, he fucking pulled a gun on me and stole it and I need to get it back or else my dad is gonna be pissed.”

“A-a gun? Someone pulled a gun on you?”

“Yes but more importantly, he stole a pound of cocaine from me.”

“A  _ pound _ of cocaine?!” Yeonjun asked incredulously. “Did you keep that in the dorm?!”

Soobin gently shushed him, “don’t be too loud, baby, these walls are thin.” Yeonjun bit his lip and just looked at the other boy. How could Soobin be so casual about this? It felt like Soobin just drove three trucks into him at once, he was selling drugs for his dad? Hard drugs? And  _ pounds  _ of it?! That’s not normal.

“Listen, I know I can trust you, Yeon, can’t I?”

Yeonjun wanted to be the person that Soobin trusted. Soobin had dealt with so much shit from Yeonjun, God, couldn’t he at least return the favor? He met Soobin’s eyes, who held no expression, and reluctantly nodded.

“Okay, good. I know the guy who stole it and...well, there’s no easy way to say it. He likes twinks.  _ Exotic _ looking twinks.”

Yeonjun didn’t say anything but his internal monologue was just ‘oh god, oh god, oh god,” over and over while Soobin spoke. He knew where this was going but he hoped he was wrong. 

Soobin grabbed his hands and held them both in his own. “I kind of think you would be perfect.” He said quietly. “You’re so cute and shy and you just proved to me that you can act.”

“Wh-What am I supposed to do?”

“You just need to be at the club at the same time as him and I’m sure he’d come up to you himself. Let him flirt with you and touch you. Get his ass so drunk he can’t even walk straight and then take his wallet.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened. “You want me to steal from someone?! Soobin, I…I can’t, I can’t do that. I’ll get caught. What if he  _ kills _ me?”

Soobin sighed and turned his head away from Yeonjun, letting go of his hands. Yeonjun didn’t want him to be mad but this was crazy. If this guy pulled a gun on Soobin, he could do the same or worse to Yeonjun.

“You know, I thought that, because of what happened with Taehyun and Beomgyu, I thought you wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Yeonjun grabbed Soobin’s hands with his own and then tilted the boy’s face back to look at him. “I don’t want to leave you alone but I’m scared. Can’t you understand?”

“You won’t be alone. I’ll be there watching you and making sure everything is okay. Trust me, if he’s drunk he won’t even know that you did it.”

“I can’t promise you that...that I’ll be good at it.” Yeonjun said. He looked down at their interlaced fingers, the only real physical contact Yeonjun had gotten from a person. How badly he craved it. “...but I can try for you.”

Soobin kissed him, smiling as he did so. “It’ll be okay, I know you can do it.” He pulled Yeonjun closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, “you’re so good, Yeon, so good. I just need you to do this and you’ll be perfect. And after you show me you can do this, I’ll teach you something you’ll really like.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dumbass has been pasting the chapters from google docs to ao3 and I didn't realize that HTML option got rid of all my italicized words D: I'll go back and paste the earlier chapters correctly. Hopefully this chapter makes more sense now that it has the correct words emphasized. I also updated the tags on the story and the synopsis thing so hopefully it's a little cleaner now!

Yeonjun watched his reflection in the mirror. He anxiously brushed through his hair for the tenth time in a row. His makeup was light, just a smear of eyeliner in his lash line as Beomgyu had done a long time ago. It made his eyes look longer, more slanted, and more “exotic.” 

Soobin had fed him three shots already. It helped him relax a little bit but he was still shaking when he thought about it. Soobin was encouraging him to flirt with someone else but honestly, Yeonjun had never flirted with anyone before, including Soobin. He had always just accepted his advances. 

And what consisted of flirting anyway? Seductive words? Dancing together? Touching? Kissing? Surely Soobin didn’t want him to kiss someone else, but what if this guy was really pushy and there was no choice? What if he got mad that Yeonjun was leading him on? What if he didn't want to drink? There were too many questions, too many things that could go wrong. 

Yeonjun felt butterflies chewing through his stomach and he couldn’t eat anything for days before the actual night came. To make it worse, while he was getting dressed to go he noticed tiny bumps on the palm of his hands. They were only visible when he held it up to the bright white bathroom light. It wasn’t the first time he had seen these, unfortunately. His body must be used to him being constantly stressed by now, so why couldn’t it keep itself under control?

When Soobin was driving him to the club downtown, they were silent at first. Yeonjun was completely lost in his thoughts. He was being dragged down by the shots he took earlier, a relaxed feeling taking over his body while simultaneously feeling anxiety trying to push through to the surface. 

“Don’t pick at your fingers.” Soobin said without even looking over at him. 

“Sorry…”

Soobin smiled. “It’s okay.” They sat in silence for a few more minutes until he spoke again. “You know, they’re still investigating Taehyun, but it’s not looking good for him.”

“What did they say?!”

“Well, he came back from the Dean’s meeting yesterday morning. He was fucking raging at Beom because apparently Beom  _ was _ actually in the dorm that night. He was in his room while Tae was yelling at you so the school asked for a statement from him, too. He ended up telling them that he knew Taehyun had thrown a pan at you, but he said it didn’t hit you. Tae said that he never threw anything at you, ever. But since you had a nasty bruise on your leg, they believed you.

“So Tae lost his campus job already, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they kicked him out, too.” Soobin continued. “But seriously, it was bad when Tae found out that Beom told the truth, but Beom kept saying he didn’t know he was supposed to lie. It was pretty funny, actually.”

“What about you?” Yeonjun asked. “Did they say anything to you?”

Soobin shook his head. “They know better than that. That’s why they only went after you when I wasn’t there. Buncha pussies.”

Yeonjun sighed and closed his eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about them anymore, I just wanna forget they ever existed.”

Soobin obeyed and both of them went quiet until they arrived downtown near the club. Soobin pulled into a parking space next to the sidewalk and looked over at Yeonjun. He shuffled through his pants, pulled out his wallet, and handed a little card over. “Take this.”

Yeonjun looked down at it, it was exactly the same as his ID, except the birthday was three years earlier. “I totally forgot I’d need to be 21...where did you-”

“Yeon.” Soobin cut him off. “He’s going in,  _ now _ . You need to go.”

Yeonjun frowned at Soobin. What if he got caught with a fake ID? If they didn’t even let him in, then he had no dreams of pulling this off. 

“Fine.” 

Soobin saw his pout and leaned over the console, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before Yeonjun could react. “Everything will be okay.”

Yeonjun pushed his lips into an even bigger pout, mockingly, and then slid out of the car. The cold December air was whipping across his face, blowing his hair out of place immediately. He crossed his arms and made his way to the club, slowly. 

The music was blasting so loud he almost couldn’t hear the bouncer talking to him. Intuition told him to give the guy his ID and ten dollars that Soobin had given him to get in. It only took a few seconds for the bouncer to wave him through, just barely glancing at his fake ID. Thank God.

It was only when he got inside that he realized it was a gay club. There were stages set around the huge room with drag queens on them, dancing. Some guys were walking around in singlets, others just colorful boxers. A lot of them were wearing sparkly, colorful, and heavy makeup. Honestly, he had thought he would stand out by wearing the eyeliner, but he just looked like your average Joe next to these guys.

Yeonjun headed towards the bar, he probably shouldn’t just stand in awe of the place or else he’ll look like an obvious plant. But, he thought, maybe him and Soobin could come back here someday. It actually looked like a really fun place to party.

“You twenty-one?” The bartender asked when he handed over his ID. “You lookin’ just about twelve!” He laughed loudly. 

Yeonjun grimaced. He hoped the guy didn’t look too closely at it. 

“What drink would ya like?” He asked, sliding the card back towards Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun thought for a moment. “Can I just have, like, two shots?”

“Shots of what, kid?”

“Uh…” Yeonjun got nervous, it felt like he was being quizzed. “Vodka?”

Someone slid into the chair next to him. “How about we double it and make that Grey Goose?”

“What’s Grey Goose?” He asked quietly. Both of the men started laughing, damn, it was embarrassing. 

The man handed the bartender cash and then turned to Yeonjun, a big grin on his face. He was about Soobin’s height, but carried a little more weight...which just made him  _ very _ average. He had a full beard and looked maybe middle-aged. Not exactly Yeonjun’s type. 

“You look a little lost,” the guy said, “you been here before?”

The bartender brought their four shots back and Yeonjun drank one quickly before answering, “no I - I just turned eigh - twenty one a couple, uh, days ago.” His face burned hot at the slip up. 

“Oh? But you just took that shot like a pro.” The man said.

“Yeah,” Yeonjun avoided the man’s gaze, “well, you know what uni is like.”

The man laughed and patted Yeonjun’s knee, then left his hand there. “It’s been a long long time since I was in university. I’m not exactly a spring chicken.”

Yeonjun hummed in response and took the next shot. “What’s your name?” He asked. He didn’t want to waste his time on the wrong person. 

“Alcinder, and yours?” Oh shit, this was the guy he was looking for. 

“Y-Yeonjun.” He swallowed nervously and looked at the man’s hand as it began to rub circles on his thigh. 

“I like that name. Where are you from?”

“Uh, Atlanta?”

The man laughed again and scooted closer. “Why don’t you come meet me in the bathroom?”

Yeonjun was stunned at how quickly this guy had propositioned him. “Uh, but you didn’t finish your other shot.”

Yeonjun watched as he took the shot and then smiled. “Just did.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at this guy. He had never met someone who made their interest in him so obvious. He liked it, this game was starting to be a little fun. 

“What’s your price, eh? You want me to buy you some more drinks? How much does it cost to get a boy like you on your knees?”

Yeonjun’s tummy felt butterflies at the bold words. He wished Soobin was the one saying that because Yeonjun would immediately fall on his knees without question. 

“My price…” he pretended to consider different options. “Hmm, buy us more drinks. You said I’m a good drinker, but I want to see if you are, too.”

And it was that easy. The bartender brought several mixed drinks that Yeonjun would pretend to sip on without actually drinking, but encourage the man to chug for him. Then, he would hand one of his own over to him. The faster this guy got shitfaced, the less time he had to catch on to Yeonjun’s game. 

“You drinkin’  _ real _ slow, boy, ‘sup with that?” The man slurred. 

Yeonjun smiled at him, this time taking a real sip of his drink. He was nicely buzzed from the shots and the situation didn’t seem scary to him anymore. Just funny. This old dude was so desperate to fuck him he’d spent a hundred bucks on some overpriced drinks just to get himself so drunk he probably wouldn’t even be able to stay hard. 

The man started to slouch over, his eyes drooping, and Yeonjun knew he was drunk enough to not be able to fight back and hopefully not remember anything, either. 

“I’m ready.” Yeonjun said, smiling. “You want me to meet you in the bathroom?”

The man nodded and stood up, stumbling in the direction of the bathroom. Yeonjun watched him for a few seconds and downed the rest of his glass before following.

“Hey.” He drawled in a sweet voice. “What’re you doing?”

The man had plopped himself down on the floor in one of the stalls. He pointed to his crotch, but he was too fucked up to meet Yeonjun’s eyes. He slurred out an incomprehensible mess and laid his head on the toilet seat. 

Yeonjun bent down and patted down the guy’s front pockets, reaching his hand in when he felt the chunky leather wallet poking out. The man groaned, pushing Yeonjun’s hands away weakly. 

“Sorry.” He said as he took it out and put it in his own pocket. “But maybe you shouldn’t have stolen coke from my boyfriend.”

When Yeonjun left the bathroom, his cheeks burned pink at what he had said. They weren’t technically boyfriends, but he wished they were. Honestly, they should be. They were way too close to not be anything. 

“How did you do?” Soobin asked when he came back to the truck. Yeonjun took the wallet out of his pocket and tossed it to him, which Soobin caught. The taller boy pulled out a wad of cash and counted through it. “Sweet. This’ll cover it.” 

When he started pushing the money back in, a little piece of folded paper fell out of the wallet. Soobin picked it up and opened it.

“What is that?” Yeonjun questioned.

Soobin just shrugged and tossed it out the window. “I dunno. I just wanna get back to your dorm so I can show you how thankful I am.” He smiled. Again, he looked so proud.

Yeonjun felt his stomach twist up in anticipation. He still felt a little warm from the alcohol, maybe Soobin could turn that warmth into heat. He watched Soobin pull onto the road and he really didn’t know what came over him but he reached over and placed his hand directly on Soobin’s crotch, causing him to swerve.

“Dear God what are you doing, Yeon?!” 

Yeonjun pulled his hand away and sat it obediently in his lap. His eyes looked down at his hands, but he couldn’t help the ornery smile that crept onto his face. 

~~

Soobin inhaled deeply and held it for a few seconds before blowing the smoke directly at Yeonjun’s face. “When are you gonna do acid with me, asshole? I keep asking but you never tell me.”

Yeonjun groaned. “Fuck you, no means no. Didn’t you learn that in like first grade?”

Soobin laughed and passed the bong to Yeonjun. “You’re supposed to do everything I want, haven’t you learned that, yet? You’re supposed to be my slave, goddammit.”

“Your what?” Yeonjun squinted at him.

“My sex slave. That’s what I want.” Soobin said lightly. He laid down on his back, a doped up smile on his face. 

“I dunno what being a sex slave has to do with drugs but okay.”

Soobin started cracking up, his stomach tensing with every giggle. “You didn’t deny it. That’s good. You always accept things so easily, it’s my favorite thing about you!”

Yeonjun reached over and slapped Soobin’s stomach, making the boy cry out and then laugh harder. He just sat and pouted until Soobin stopped laughing. 

“Oh, come here.” Soobin held his arms open for Yeonjun to lean over him on his elbows. “Kiss me.” He demanded, and Yeonjun obeyed.

They kissed lazily, bogged down by the weed and alcohol clouding their sense of time. Soobin laid his hand on Yeonjun’s ass and squeezed it gently. 

“You said you would teach me something.” Yeonjun whined and pulled away impatiently. 

It took a second for Soobin to mentally catch up, but when he did he smiled. “Oh yeah, I can teach you something, baby. We gotta switch positions, though.” 

Yeonjun raised his eyebrow but sat up anyway. Soobin didn’t wait for him to lay down, instead he sat up and pushed the boy down to the carpet himself. Then he moved to sit on his knees behind Yeonjun’s head. “Are you ready for your lesson?”

“Yes.” Yeonjun said quickly. He tensed his thighs together, already feeling excitement pool in his stomach. He heard Soobin unzip his pants and looked up just as he pulled his cock out of the restraining jeans. He stroked it a couple times, the foreskin sliding over his head and then exposing it again.

“I’ll try not to choke you.” He stated and Yeonjun’s eyes widened. 

“Huh?” He said, but Soobin ignored it and brought his cock forward. Yeonjun opened his mouth anyway, and let it slide in. The position was awkward and he could barely keep the cock in his mouth, but then Soobin leaned over, laying almost completely on top of him and Yeonjun realized he was screwed. 

With Soobin’s hips parallel with Yeonjun’s mouth, he could fuck down as hard and deep as he wanted and Yeonjun had nowhere to move away. So Soobin lowered his hips slowly until Yeonjun choked. Then he pulled back, but not completely out, for a few seconds before pushing right back in. 

It was actually a little easier to take Soobin’s cock in his mouth from this angle, Yeonjun realized he was actually making it almost all the way down without choking. Just when he was about to take it all in, he felt Soobin rub his face in Yeonjun’s crotch, making him choke again. 

He heard Soobin laugh and it made him embarrassed, but he felt his cock throb in pleasure and squeezed his thighs together. 

Soobin dropped his cock down into Yeonjun’s mouth again and Yeonjun tried to focus. He felt it push down his throat, deeper and deeper until Soobin’s balls sat right on his nose. “Good boy.” He heard Soobin say. Then Soobin started unbuttoning Yeonjun’s jeans, his cock still pressed down as far as it would go. 

He pulled Yeonjun’s pants off and tossed them somewhere before grabbing the boy’s cock and stroking it agonizingly slowly. “I wanna fuck your mouth.” He lifted his hips up and dropped them down harder than before. Yeonjun whined and bucked his hips up but Soobin squeezed his cock in punishment. “I’m gonna fuck your mouth and you’re gonna take what I give you, Yeon.” He said sternly.

He began to thrust down faster, his balls tapping Yeonjun’s face with every movement. Yeonjun could feel his cock leaking with precum as Soobin slowly stroked it. He wanted to thrust so bad, he wanted to  _ cum _ , but he wanted Soobin to play with his body as long as he wanted, too.

Soobin thrusted faster and Yeonjun could feel the cock sliding past his tongue, into his throat. He wondered how it would feel for Soobin to fuck him. If his cock would slide in as easy and wet as it did in his mouth. 

Finally, he felt the heat of Soobin’s mouth envelop his cock, making him moan around the one in his own mouth. He bucked his hips up again, but Soobin pushed them down and thrusted  _ hard _ into Yeonjun’s mouth, almost making him choke again. 

Yeonjun was messy. Spit was dribbling down the side of his mouth as he tried desperately to swallow it, but Soobin’s dick was just too big and in the way. 

He felt Soobin bob his head up and down on his cock lazily and it was embarrassing how close he was to cumming. He wanted Soobin to be as much of a wreck as him. So Yeonjun reached his hands up and grabbed Soobin’s ass, pulling his hips down so that his cock lodged deep in Yeonjun’s mouth. It was petty, but it worked.

“Ah, fuck, baby.” Soobin said. He pulled his cock out of Yeonjun’s mouth, but kept his hips low enough that it was still sitting on the boy’s chin, covering it in his own spit. Yeonjun stuck his tongue out to lick the underside and Soobin moaned again, pulling off of Yeonjun entirely. 

As soon as Soobin stood up, Yeonjun got up on his knees to sit in front of him. His eyes were involuntarily brimming with unshed tears from all the choking, but he looked up at Soobin earnestly. 

Soobin cooed at him and grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks until his lips stuck out. “Look at you, baby. You’re so messy.” His voice was laced with mocking concern. “Why are you so red, huh? You can’t handle it?” He asked, pushing Yeonjun’s head around with his hand. 

Yeonjun shook his head, “I can handle it.” He whined.

“Oh really? Can you handle it, baby? You made a fuckin’ mess everywhere, didn’t you? What if I fuck your face, can you handle that or are you gonna keep being messy?” 

“I can!” Yeonjun exclaimed, and Soobin let go of his face only to pull his hand back and slap him. It wasn’t too hard but Yeonjun looked up at him in stunned silence for a second before Soobin grabbed him by the hair and pushed his cock back in Yeonjun’s mouth, immediately fucking into it. 

Yeonjun squeezed his eyes shut as Soobin used his mouth, fucking it like a fleshlight. His fist clenched around Yeonjun’s hair to keep him in place, and Yeonjun put his hands on Soobin’s thighs, looking for anything to hold. 

He felt his spit all over Soobin’s cock. He could even feel it on the boy’s balls when they pressed up against his chin. “Fuck, Yeon, you’re so fuckin’ messy.” He grunted. Yeonjun moaned and squeezed his thighs together tighter, it felt like his cock was going to explode. “You’re like my personal little whore.”

Yeonjun choked on Soobin’s cock as he came, and Soobin suddenly pulled out. He watched Yeonjun finish his orgasm and then smiled. “Oh, Yeon. You’re so cute.” He reached down and patted the boy’s head. 

Yeonjun felt like he was getting whiplash from Soobin’s mood change. 

“Come here.” Soobin demanded, and suddenly he was back to his dominant self. Yeonjun scooted forward and Soobin grabbed his hair again. “Come here and suck my balls, baby, I wanna cum on your face.”

He pushed Yeonjun’s face into his soft ballsack and Yeonjun opened his mouth, a little shy. Soobin began to stroke his dick quickly, moaning when Yeonjun gently sucked on the skin there. He didn’t really know what to do or how Soobin wanted it, so he gave it little swipes of his tongue before finally sucking one side into his mouth. 

Yeonjun could hear the wet noises of Soobin beating his dick and it turned him on, knowing he was making Soobin happy, making him horny. He wanted to make Soobin cum so bad, so he let the piece in his mouth come out with a little “pop” and started licking all over them, sucking at the bottom and making Soobin moan so nicely. 

Soobin pulled him back and started stroking over his face. Yeonjun instinctively opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, waiting for Soobin to paint his face. “Fuck,” Soobin said, “fuck, fuck.”

Yeonjun flinched when Soobin came, squirting his cum out all over Yeonjun’s cheek and mouth. When he was done, he reached a hand down and wiped the cum around Yeonjun’s face until he was a complete mess. 

“Wow Yeon, you look so fucked up right now. God, you look like an actual whore.”

Soobin bent down and pulled Yeonjun into a kiss. He licked the boy’s lip, tasting himself, and then pulled away. 

Yeonjun let out a deep breath and flopped down on his back. He loved making Soobin cum. It made him feel wanted. Even if nobody else liked him, Soobin would always be there. Even if it was just to use his body, that would be okay. At least Soobin liked him.

The best part about being with Soobin was the crazy attraction, it felt like the high you get when you’re at the top of a rollercoaster, about to drop. Just teetering on the edge, anticipation and excitement filling your veins like heroin. He just hoped the drop would be as much fun.

~~

Yeonjun sighed. He had finished his last exam of the semester and was finally officially on winter break for the next month. Soobin asked him to spend some time at his house before going to see his dad, and Soobin was just so persuasive, he couldn’t say no. 

When Yeonjun called his dad, it went straight to voicemail. 

“Hey, dad. I’m going to Soobin’s house for a week before coming home, if that’s OK? His parents aren’t home for the break so I thought it would be nice to spend some time with him since he’ll be alone for Christmas. Do you think maybe he can spend it with us? Anyway, call me when you can, bye.”

Yeonjun hung up the phone. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding another chapter since the last one was so short! Also, if you can't read gorey things this may not be the fic for you

Yeonjun carefully scooped up the eggs with his spatula and plated them next to the little sausage links. They were both a little overcooked, but Yeonjun had never cooked much other than ramen before, so he was satisfied. 

He grabbed the two plates and started walking upstairs. He felt a warmth in his chest. It was so domestic of him to wake up early and cook breakfast for Soobin. He didn’t mind if they stayed like this forever. Yeonjun could be the homemaker if Soobin wanted. He wasn’t very good at cooking or cleaning, but he could learn.

Opening the bedroom door was a little difficult with just his elbows, but once he got in, he smiled. Soobin was still laying in bed on his back, his arm unconsciously outstretched towards the side of the bed that Yeonjun had been sleeping on before he left. His eyes were so peacefully shut, his pale skin shadowed from the still dark room. 

His lips were pulled up into a small pout and Yeonjun wanted to kiss it away. He was so familiar with them, had kissed him so many times, by this point Soobin’s lips might as well belong to him, right? 

So he sat the plates on the bedside table, bent down and pressed a sweet kiss to Soobin’s lips, making his nose twitch before he slowly woke up. He yawned and stretched his long limbs. Yeonjun watched him and smiled before giving him another kiss while Soobin still didn’t quite have his bearings. It was just so cute. 

Before he could pull away, Soobin wrapped his arms around Yeonjun’s shoulders, trapping him down. Yeonjun laughed and kissed him again several times, earning a dopey smile in return. 

“Soobin,” he whispered, “I got something for you.”

Soobin raised an eyebrow and let him go. “Oh really?” 

Yeonjun grinned and showed him the plates of food on the bedside table. Soobin laughed and held his hand out for one. “Wow, I’m honored.” 

Yeonjun grabbed his own plate and sat next to Soobin on the bed. It was hard to focus on his food and not oggle the other boy. He was still shirtless from their playing the night before, and even as his shoulders hunched forward, there was no body fat to be seen. A hickey shined near the top of his chest, where Yeonjun had bitten into the skin. It was his claim. Nobody could take Soobin from him now. 

“Did your dad ever call back?” Soobin asked, bringing Yeonjun out of his thoughts. 

“Ah,” he felt kind of guilty, “no, I’m a little scared that he’s mad at me for not coming home immediately...but spending three weeks at home out of a whole month is good enough isn’t it? I don’t know, I really hope he’s not mad at me because I-”

“Honestly,” Soobin interrupted his rambling, “he should let you live a little. You’re in college now, of course you’re not going to be home as often. Some parents only see their kid like once a year on Christmas or something.”

Yeonjun nodded but he still felt guilty. His dad never ghosted him before, he had to be angry. 

“Anyway, thanks for making breakfast, baby.” Soobin gave him a peck and then grabbed their empty plates. He pulled on a shirt that was laying on the floor, Yeonjun was pretty sure it was his, and then made his way to the door. “I’m gonna wash these and then we can go to the store. I need to add Advil to our grocery list ‘cause my head hurts like a bitch.”

Yeonjun laughed. “Weakling. You gonna let a 750 knock you out like that? Psh, that’s like five shots each.”

“It’s because it’s fuckin’ Smirnoff, that shit is like drinking pure gasoline.”

“When I was in that, uh, gay club, the guy bought me Grey Goose. Felt like I was drinking water.”

Soobin placed the dishes in the sink and began to wash them as Yeonjun hopped up on the counter next to him. 

“You’re getting greedy, huh?” Soobin smiled. “You’re not allowed to prefer top shelf alcohol if you don’t even get hangovers from the nasty shit we drink.”

Yeonjun hummed, “what exactly is the difference between top and bottom shelf alcohol? When I was at the club, they laughed at me for not knowing what Grey Goose is…”

“I don’t know what the difference is by how they make them, but a top shelf liquor is more expensive and doesn’t give you as much of a hangover. It also tastes better, obviously. But...do you know what’s even better than top shelf liquor?” Soobin asked, a grin covering his face. 

“Wha-”

“Acid.”

Yeonjun groaned loudly. “Why!” He whined. 

“Please!” Soobin whined back, just as loud. 

Yeonjun groaned again. “You know what? Fine, I’ll do it now. I just didn’t want to do it before because we were at school and I thought we’d get caught.”

Soobin smiled and wiped his hands dry with a towel. “Awesome. I have a few tabs in my room. Stay here, I’ll go get them.”

While Yeonjun waited for Soobin to return, he laid his head back on the wall above the counter. He liked the feeling that weed and alcohol gave him because it brought his anxiety down, it made him calm. Everything he had heard about acid was that it made you act the opposite, like a crazy person. 

Beomgyu had once told him that he knew someone who did acid and freaked out because he thought people were trying to murder him. Yeah, that would definitely give Yeonjun a panic attack. 

“Okay, here.” Soobin said when he returned. He had two tiny pieces of paper in his hand, smaller than a penny. He dropped one of them in Yeonjun’s hand. It had a tiny picture of Jesus printed on it.

“That’s a little, uh…”

“It’s supposed to be a joke, I can’t explain druggy humor.” Soobin grabbed Yeonjun’s hand. “All you have to do is lay it on your tongue and it’ll dissolve, alright?” Yeonjun nodded and they both laid the tabs on their tongues at the same time.

~~

“Is this a remix.”

Vibrant colors danced across the screen, painting everything in a neon light. Taylor Swift moved across the screen, but her movements were choppy, like she was clipping in and out of existence. 

“No, it’s the original.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Yeonjun stared at the TV, not saying anything. It looked so weird. He wasn’t even sure he was blinking. 

“I’ll write your name.” A voice said directly in his ear, and Yeonjun yelled.

“What was that?!”

Soobin reached his hand out and patted his head, except he was actually patting the carpet in front of his head. “It’s the song, you’re good.” He said, giggling. 

“Um…” Yeonjun started.

“Yeah?” 

“What?”

“Were you gonna say something?”

“No? Anyways I’m hungry.” Yeonjun hummed and stood up.

“Cool, let’s get some food, I have - ah fuck we forgot to go to the grocery store. Whatever, we can eat ice cubes. Come on, let’s go.”

Yeonjun looked up at Soobin, oh, he was still laying on the floor. He thought he stood up at some point but whatever.

“Yeon, come on, get up.” 

“Yeon, do you want regular or, or, or?”

“Yeon, can you hand me that pan?”

Yeonjun handed him the pan. So small, it felt like it could fit in the palm of his hand. He looked around the room, he was in the kitchen with Soobin, watching him wash dishes. 

“Oh, God.” He said, despair coloring his voice.

Soobin turned to him, “what?”

Yeonjun’s heart started racing. He was so fucking confused. “Weren’t we already here?” He asked, his voice cracking.

Soobin put the pan down in the sink and reached his wet, soapy hand to Yeonjun, who shrunk back like it was covered in acid. 

“Yeon, baby, you’re gonna have to chill out.”

“But weren’t we here before? Wait, did we do acid or not? Was it, like, a dream or something?”

Soobin furrowed his brow. “Yes, we did acid...like a few hours ago? What do you remember?”

Yeonjun sighed, “I remember taking the acid, watching music videos waiting for it to kick in, and then...um...I think we were going to eat ice cubes or something?” He looked around the room as he spoke, every single cabinet door was open. When he blinked, they were all shut. 

“Well, okay, I knew you were tripping but I didn’t know it was that hard. We decided to go to the grocery store and you were kinda fucked up, grabbing my dick and stuff. I’m pretty sure you told the cashier you wanted to give me a blowjob but that could be my imagination. It’s all kinda blurry to me, too.”

Yeonjun let out a dramatic groan and covered his face with his hands, sliding down to the floor. He really wished he had an umbrella because the rain was pouring down on him, getting his face all wet like Soobin’s cum. 

The boy said something, Yeonjun didn’t know why, obviously he couldn’t hear him with his eyes covered like this. He really wondered how long the trip was going to last, this was not fun, he knew it wouldn’t be, why did he let Soobin convince him to do this? He barely even knew what planet he was on. 

The doorbell ringing cut through the air and made Yeonjun flinch. 

Soobin immediately cut off the faucet and stopped moving. 

“Who is it?” Yeonjun asked, but Soobin just put his finger in front of his lips in a ‘shush’ gesture. His eyes looked wide and scared, and that made Yeonjun nervous. He had thought it could be Soobin’s parents, but with that reaction...it couldn’t be. 

Soobin slowly wiped his hands on a towel to dry them and then walked towards the front door. He kept his footsteps light, not making any noise. Yeonjun’s heart raced and he could feel his stomach twist itself in knots. 

When Soobin made it to the door, he looked through the peephole. Yeonjun could only see his back from this position. He wanted to know what was going on so badly and who was outside that could make Soobin tense up like this?

Slowly, Soobin turned around, making an expression that Yeonjun had never seen on him before. His skin had turned paper-white. The inner part of his eyebrows were turned up, and he looked like a kicked puppy. 

A loud knock beat impatiently on the door, making both of them flinch. Soobin waved his hand frantically to Yeonjun, mouthing the word ‘hide’ at him. His stomach twisted so hard, he felt like throwing up. Something was really wrong.

He scanned the kitchen and living room from where he was, it was such an open house, there were almost no nooks to hide in. In fact, it kind of looked like a completely empty house with no furniture to him. Yeonjun shook his head, trying to get ahold of himself. He just needed to hide somewhere close, that didn’t take a lot of thought. So, trying to be quiet, Yeonjun opened the cabinet under the sink. It was a tight fit but he was still able to close the door when he crouched inside. 

He used one hand to hold the door closed and the other he placed over his knees, curling up into a tight ball. He heard another slam on the door, this time it sounded like the wood splintered from being hit with something. 

Then he heard Soobin open the door, making his eyes widen in fright. If someone was trying to break into the house, shouldn’t he be hiding, too?! Shouldn’t he be trying to call the police?!

“Soobin Choi.” He heard a deep voice say. “I got some business with you, kid.”

Footsteps made their way to the living room couch. It sounded like several people were there. “I heard you got someone else here. Where’s he at?”

Yeonjun nearly whimpered, but tried to get himself under control. He had no idea who these people were or what they wanted. How could they even know who  _ he _ was?  _ Nobody _ knew who he was.

It was so dark under the sink. For a second, he forgot where he was. When he remembered, his heart pounded so loud he could hear it.

“He left.” Soobin said, and immediately the man and the people with him erupted in laughter. 

“That’s fuckin’ convenient. In fact, I don’t believe you. I’m gonna have to check for myself.”

Where was he? It looked like a thousand tiny spiders opened their eyes at Yeonjun at once. He squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was beating so fast he thought he might just pass out. But he couldn’t do that, he needed to stay quiet, right? 

Footsteps started walking in all directions, and Yeonjun held on to the door so hard his fingers turned white. He could hear Soobin protest, but was suddenly quieted. Yeonjun was trembling so frantically, he hoped he didn’t knock anything under the sink over. 

Someone entered the kitchen and began to open the cabinets. Hot tears started falling from his eyes because he knew it was over. He was going to be caught. But even knowing that, he continued to hold on to the door tightly, his arm shaking while he did so. Maybe something would happen, something would distract them, and they wouldn’t find him. Maybe he could just get away. 

Yeonjun felt pressure on the other side of his cabinet door, and he pulled it back towards himself with all his strength.

“Hey!” The person yelled. “He’s in here!” 

Yeonjun gritted his teeth, using both hands to keep the door closed. A small gap of light crept through the crack when Yeonjun realized he wasn’t strong enough. This terrifying person, this  _ demon _ was prying it open. A long, wrinkled, and sharp hand, as dark as charcoal reached through the gap. Its nails were filed down to razor blades. It reached towards Yeonjun, making him scream.

The door was ripped open, the kitchen lights blinding him as they poured onto his skin like a flame. The previous hand was gone, but another one grabbed him by the hair and yanked him out from under the sink while he cried out in pain. 

He grabbed at the person’s hands, trying to pull them off, but they wouldn’t let go. “Stop fucking moving, bitch.” The man said and spit on the floor next to him. Yeonjun felt his cheeks get wet with frustrated tears. 

“Stop moving.” Another voice came, and when Yeonjun looked up he saw a gun pointed directly at his face. He stilled. “Come on, little boy. If you want to act like a grown up, you can’t cry like a little bitch when you face the consequences.”

The first man let go of Yeonjun’s hair and pushed him forward. “Fuckin’...” Yeonjun couldn’t hear the rest of what he said, he couldn’t hear anything.

The man with the gun motioned for him to walk towards the couch. As he walked over there, he noticed the walls. They looked like they were breathing, huffing and puffing at him for being such a fucking idiot. 

He sat next to Soobin, but flinched when it felt like he had sat through the couch instead of on it. 

“The fuck is wrong with this kid?” One guy asked. Yeonjun looked up, there were about five or six guys standing in front of them, he couldn’t really tell, all of their frames were blurring into each other. 

“This is the one who took your shit, eh? Of course you’d let a little flamer pull one over on you, you fuckin’ freak.”

At those words, Yeonjun suddenly recognized one of the guys. He was the one who stole coke from Soobin. He was the one Yeonjun stole the wallet from. 

“Alright Look,” the lead guy said. He dropped a cigarette on the carpet and stomped on it. “You two little fuckers better tell me exactly where that fucking paper is.”

“I don’t know.” Soobin said. He had no expression on his face. 

“Don’t fucking play with me, Soobin Choi. I know your dad told you to steal it. You were too much of a pussy to do it yourself, weren’t you? So you got this fuckin’ fag to do it for you. Tell me where it is or I’m gonna make you  _ really fucking regret it. _ ”

The man’s face and entire body began to turn red as he hissed. His black iris bled out into his sclera. Yeonjun’s heart picked up, he wanted to scream but he knew nobody else was seeing what he saw. 

Soobin looked at him for a moment and closed his hand into a fist. “I don’t have it.”

The man pointed his gun directly at Soobin’s head. The barrel wiggled and twisted around itself like a worm. “Tell me now or I’ll fucking kill you!” He yelled.

When Soobin yelled “I don’t know!” It made Yeonjun flinch. He had never heard Soobin yell before, or be angry at all. 

The man chuckled deep inside his chest as he lowered the gun. “You fuckin’ Choi’s. You’re all the same.”

“I know you won’t kill me.” Soobin said. He had regained his composure so quickly, but nobody seemed as surprised by it as Yeonjun. 

“You’re right, I won’t kill  _ you _ .” The man turned towards Yeonjun, his words echoing over and over through the house as if it was a huge empty stadium. Next thing he knew, Soobin was practically on top of him, between him and the scary man. 

The man let out a boisterous laugh. “Isn’t that fuckin’ cute? I’m not gonna kill that kid, but it’s good to know you give a fuck about him. If you piss me off in the future I might just find him, tie him down, let our friend Alcinder take a few rounds, and then skin him alive.”

All the men started laughing, as if it was some hilarious joke. Yeonjun thought he saw Taehyun in there laughing with them but when he blinked, it was gone. 

“I didn’t think you would cooperate. So I came here to send a little message to your friend about fucking with us. Let me look at him.”

Soobin hesitated, but moved slightly to the side when the man pointed the gun at him again. It was just enough that Yeonjun could make eye contact with him. 

“You wanna be an adult and get involved with illegal shit? You best be ready to face the consequences. Here’s your dad.” He threw a small black sack on the ground in front of the couch and spat on it. 

“You can come find me when you grow up and take your dad’s spot. I’ll be waiting.” The man said, and all of them filed out of the door one by one before closing it behind them, leaving Soobin and Yeonjun on the couch in complete silence. 

Yeonjun stared at the sack. 

He felt lightheaded, his legs were cold and tingling as if all the blood had run out of them. 

Slowly, he turned to Soobin, who was sitting with his hands on his knees, balled up into fists. His head was hanging low and Yeonjun couldn’t see his face with the hair hanging in front of it. Why wouldn’t Soobin look at him? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Yeonjun wanted to call out his name, but the silence was deafening and he wasn’t sure he could break it. 

Yeonjun turned back to the sack sitting on the carpet in front of him, a stain growing from underneath it. He was sure it was another hallucination. But, just in case, he moved forward, reaching his hand out towards it. Soobin made a noise, but when Yeonjun looked back, he was in the same position. Except now his arms were trembling. 

Yeonjun looked back at the sack. He moved from the couch to the floor and reached his hand out again. As he opened the sack, even just the smallest bit, a horrible smell hit his nose. Like dog shit and rotten, boiled eggs. He grimaced but opened the sack further, getting some black stuff on his hand as he did. 

He peered down inside the opening, a mess of thick black liquid and a red and white chunky soup. He blinked and squinted at it, the rancid smell coating his eyes with bitterness as he tried to look.

Then, he realized, a part of that disgusting mess was two eyes staring right back at him. 

Two white eyes, wide open, the black grime sliding off of them and pooling down into the open cavity that was a mouth. The head stared at him in permanent terror of the moment it had been severed. 

He stared back. His mind was empty. That face, looking back at him, it had monolids just like him. Just like his dad.

Yeonjun screamed.

He screamed as loud as his lungs would allow, his entire body doubling over until his head was laying on the carpet next to the sack. As soon as he ran out of breath, he inhaled and screamed again, his anguish not being alleviated in the slightest. 

Soobin sat next to him and held him as best as he could, just listening to Yeonjun break his own chest with the screams. It was visceral, his voice cried until it was raw and Soobin continued to hold him through it. 

Finally, Yeonjun’s screams quieted when he lost his voice. He cried hot tears onto Soobin’s pants.

“S-Soobin, Soobin please tell-please tell me when the trip will s-stop…” He cried. He could barely get the words out, and he was sure they were indiscernible. 

“Please, please Soobin, please, when will it stop?” He begged, his body heaving with every inhale. 

“Yeon, I - I don’t know…” Soobin answered, and Yeonjun could tell he was crying, too. It just hurt him even more. Soobin was always the calm one, who had his shit together, who wasn’t freaking out constantly. Yeonjun cried harder, he could barely breathe.

“Yeon, I need you to stand up, please, I want to help you.” He said, and Yeonjun couldn’t move, he could only lay there in his agony. If he stood up he would see that face again, that face, his dad.

Soobin started to lift him up and Yeonjun squeezed his eyes shut as hard as possible. He let Soobin lift him and carry him somewhere else. He put his hand over his mouth and heaved, he really felt like he was going to vomit everywhere. 

After a little bit, he was placed down. “You can open your eyes.” Soobin said, and he sounded more collected now, more calculated. Yeonjun blinked his eyes open slowly. They were in Soobin’s bedroom. Yeonjun sat up, so his back was touching the headboard.

Soobin pulled out a box from under his bed and placed it next to Yeonjun. “Yeon, I’m going to help you. You don’t have to say or think about anything.” He pulled out a syringe and grabbed Yeonjun’s arm. Yeonjun watched him put it up to the vein on the inside of his elbow. His hand still had that black stuff on it, he noticed. He wondered what it was. The guts of his dead father that was lying on the living room floor?

Soobin brought him the bedroom trashcan and Yeonjun immediately threw up into it. Soobin watched him for a second and then placed the syringe back inside that little box. “Goodnight, Yeonjun.” He said.

Yeonjun looked up at him with droopy eyes. He slouched over and Soobin took the trashcan out of his arms to put back on the floor. Then he pulled Yeonjun down so he was laying on his back in a more comfortable position. Seconds before Yeonjun fell asleep, he could see Soobin walking out of the door, leaving him alone in the bedroom.

Whatever Soobin injected him with made him feel like he was floating off of the bed. Every muscle released its tension, every beat of his heart came slower, his body was turning into mush, he didn’t feel human anymore. 


	8. Chapter 8

Yeonjun woke up groggy. 

His body was stiff and all of his joints ached. When he opened his eyes, they burned like hellfire. He really did not want to wake up, but the sun was shining directly in his eyes and he couldn’t avoid it anymore.

He turned his head to Soobin, who was lying next to him. The sun was shining across his clothed back, not waking him up. Suddenly, Yeonjun’s mind’s eye showed him the image of a severed head and he snapped awake.

He remembered tripping absolute balls yesterday. Everything was starting to come back to him, but a lot of it felt fuzzy. It was hard to discern what was real and what wasn’t. He looked down at his hands for a sign of that black goop they were covered in yesterday, but they were clean. 

He looked towards the closed bedroom door. Part of him wanted to go open it and see if that sack was still on the living room floor, or even just a bloodstain. But honestly, he was too afraid. If it was true, if he really did see his dad’s body parts chopped up in a bag, he didn’t know what he would do. 

He tried to stop thinking about the image that kept popping up in his head. It was possible it was just a bad dream, right? So he cuddled up to Soobin, who startled awake from the movement. The boy turned to lay on his side towards Yeonjun. He looked absolutely exhausted. His eyes could barely open and his cheeks were puffy. 

“Soobin?” He said. The boy just looked at him with no expression in his eyes. It unnerved him. He started to feel anxiety rise in his chest. “I had a bad trip, right?”

Soobin sighed and sat up in bed, not answering. Yeonjun sat up, too and looked at him with desperation. “Soobin, answer me. It was just a bad trip, right? And nothing bad actually happened, right?”

Finally Soobin looked at him, and Yeonjun could see tears running down his cheeks. His heart sank.

Yeonjun dropped his face into his hands. He felt his entire body shudder, but no tears would fall. It was like his tear ducts were dried up. Had he really cried everything out already? Did he really not even have something so useless to spare for his own father? 

Yeonjun brought his hands away from his face, balled them into fists, and slammed them on the blankets in his lap. How much of a piece of shit did he have to be to not be able to do the absolute minimum of mourning? A fucking piece of shit. Honestly, what had he  _ ever _ done for his dad? He was a fucking piece of-

“Yeon, I know what you’re thinking and it’s not your fault.” Soobin said. He had turned away, once again not making eye contact with Yeonjun. “We - we need to talk about some things.”

Yeonjun stared at him without saying anything. He hated how Soobin kept flip flopping between emotions. Crying at one second and then composed in the next. He didn’t understand it. “Wait,” he said, “I need to know what was real and what wasn’t.”

Soobin sighed. “Everything...about your dad...that was all real.” He said quietly. Yeonjun looked down at his hands again. He had really hoped it wasn’t true. He started to pick at the skin there, remembering the black stuff that was covering it last night. “Listen.” Soobin said, his voice was commanding but with a tinge of gentleness. “Right now you’re still in shock, and it’s for the best. Before you freak out again, we need to talk.

“I spent a lot of time last night thinking about what to do about this.” He continued. “I had a few ideas, but ultimately it comes down to you and what  _ you _ want to do.”

Yeonjun took a second to process Soobin’s words, but it was hard. He felt like his brain just wouldn’t power on. “I can’t,” he said, “I - I don’t even know what you’re trying to say.”

“I’m saying that I’d support you on whatever decision you make.”

Yeonjun was so confused. What decision was there to make? He had just had his life ripped out of his hands and crushed. What choice did he have? He could only try to move forward, right? Or was he supposed to go to the police? But what if those guys told the police that Yeonjun had a fake ID and drank underage and stole someone’s wallet and thousands of dollars and-

“I can’t - I can’t make a decision right now. I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know what my choices are, I don’t know anything.” His voice broke at the end and he closed his eyes. The skin on his finger started bleeding when he ripped a piece off. 

“Okay,” Soobin breathed, and for once he didn’t stop Yeonjun from picking. “Okay, I know what we can do. Yeon, you were angry a few seconds ago. You were angry at yourself, but it isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. They did it, they killed your dad. Any anger you have at yourself should be directed to  _ them _ .

“Right now, you still haven’t fully grasped the situation. But when you do, you’re going to be angry. You’re going to want to direct that anger somewhere. Yeon, you’re going to want to hurt every single one of those guys as much as they have just hurt you. I’m here to show you that you  _ can _ .”

“What do you mean?”

“I know them, I know their names. I can find out where they live and their habits, and we can take them out.”

Yeonjun’s breath quickened, “Soobin, I can’t-”

“They gave you your own father’s dead body in a fucking trash bag!” 

Yeonjun put his face in his hands and began to quietly cry. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Soobin moved to hug him. Yeonjun didn’t hug him back, but he didn’t push him away either.

“I’m sorry for yelling, Yeon. It’s just...I know those guys. They won’t get caught, they have connections in the police. But once the police find out your dad is missing, they’re going to try and pin it on someone, anyone, just to close the case. Yeon, I’m scared that they’ll pin it on  _ you _ .”

Yeonjun began to cry harder, he couldn’t believe his life had completely fallen apart in less than a day. He was so lost, he had no idea what to do. And Soobin was so stressed, too, he could hear it in his voice. 

“I just want to help you, but the only way I can is if you trust me. Do you trust me?”

Yeonjun nodded, “you-you’re the only person I have left.” He said, his voice breaking with every word. Soobin was the only person he had. Soobin was his only choice.

“Okay,” he said quietly, and pulled away from Yeonjun slightly. He grabbed the boys hands, pulling them away from his face and intertwined their fingers. “Yeon, if you want to make it out of this, you need to throw away everything. You need to leave your old life behind and come with me to New York, okay?”

Yeonjun laughed bitterly through his tears. “I don’t have anything anymore, anyway.”

“I know, right now it seems like you have nothing, but...if you come with me, we can change that. We can create a new life together, something to be proud of. But we need to get out of here, first. We need to leave Georgia and never come back. Yeon, do you have any traceable money? Like, on a card or payment service?”

Yeonjun nodded. “I have money on my debit card. My dad put all the money I needed for tuition on there. It’s, like, twenty thousand dollars.”

“Fuck, Yeon, you need to withdraw that.”

“Why? What about school?”

Soobin shook his head. “Yeon, you can’t go to college here, anymore. We need to leave the entire state. And if you don’t withdraw that money it’s going straight out of your account and into the government’s pockets.”

“But I don’t understand. Why would they take it? I’m not dead. They can’t mess with my account.”

Soobin sighed and shook his head again. “Yeon, listen to me very closely. We are going to withdraw that money from your bank account, close the account down, and then, from that point on, you are not going to exist anymore in the eyes of the government, do you understand? We’re going to change your appearance, your name, your identification, everything. The only person who will know who you are from now on will be me. If you do not listen to everything I say, you will be caught, arrested, put in prison, and  _ never _ released. They might even give you the death penalty. Like I said before, you have to leave  _ everything _ behind. I am the only person you can trust.”

Yeonjun let out a breath he had been holding. “...Okay…” whatever was happening still didn't feel real to him. “Okay…” he repeated to himself. “Can I - Can I have a drink? I need something. I can’t do this right now, I need something to just make me calm down.”

Soobin nodded. “Yeah, I can get you a couple shots. But after that, we need to go to the bank. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything you need to say.”

~~

By the time Yeonjun stumbled into the uber with Soobin, it was only 1PM and he was five shots deep. His thoughts were still coherent on the line between being buzzed and drunk and he felt so much more relaxed. He didn’t cry anymore, his hands didn’t shake, and his voice didn’t tremble.

Even though people always said that alcohol made you unable to function, it felt like the opposite to Yeonjun. His words were a little slurred, but at least he could talk without breaking down. 

Soobin had ordered an uber a while ago with the rationalization that they would be going from the bank straight to the airport and never coming back, so he couldn’t take his own truck. It made Yeonjun a little uncomfortable because he wanted to be able to speak freely with Soobin, but he honestly did not know what subjects were off-limits with another person in the car and he wasn’t too good at speaking in code. 

He still didn’t know what exactly their plan was. Soobin told him to trust him, and he did, but he still wanted to know what was going on. He thought maybe they would go into hiding to avoid the police, but Soobin had alluded to them finding the guys who did this and doing something to them. But Yeonjun didn’t want to think about that right now. 

When the uber driver parked at the bank, Soobin thanked him and then turned to Yeonjun. “Okay, so when we go in there, you’re the only one who can talk because it’s your account and not mine. Just remember to give the teller your debit card and say you want to withdraw all the money inside the account connected to that card and then close it. Got it?”

Yeonjun tried to absorb the words, but his brain was a little slow right now. “Can you say that again?”

“Just go up to the teller, hand them your debit card, say ‘I want to withdraw the full balance and close this account.’ They’ll probably ask for your ID, too. Give them your real one. Okay? Let’s go. You can do it.”

They got out of the car and walked inside together. Yeonjun hoped that it wasn’t obvious how drunk he was. He had even brushed his teeth before leaving so nobody could smell it on his breath. But something he couldn’t hide was how clueless he was. Soobin came with him for support, but he couldn’t lead the conversation because it wasn’t his account and honestly, it would look really suspicious if Soobin said anything.

Luckily, there was nobody else inside the bank, which meant he could go ahead and get it over with. The teller, a tall blond woman, waved him over. He pulled his wallet out as he walked up, getting his debit card and ID. 

“Hi, what can I help you with today?” She had a sweet southern accent that reminded Yeonjun of his kindergarten teacher. 

“Uh, so...I have an account here and I’d like to close it and withdraw the money in it, if that’s OK?” He slid his debit card and ID towards the woman and she began to type on her little computer. Soobin was standing behind him and he could feel the boy’s eyes watching every movement. It was kind of unsettling. 

The woman made a noise and then looked back at him. “It looks like this account was created just a few months ago, can I ask why you’re closing it?”

“Uh, I mean, I just wanted to close it. No particular reason.”

The woman frowned at him, “well it was just opened in July, so is there a particular reason why you’re closing it?”

Yeonjun avoided her eye contact and glanced back at Soobin, wishing he could come in and save him. He turned back and she was looking at him expectedly. God, was it really any of her business  _ why _ he was closing the account? He needed to think of something quickly.

“Well, I, uh, I have an account open at the Citizens’ Bank a few miles away so I don’t really need this one anymore.”

The woman nodded and looked back down at her computer. She still didn’t look completely convinced. “Can you confirm address?”

Yeonjun squinted his eyes in confusion. Address? Like an email? “Uh, address?”

“Yes.”

Yeonjun thought for a second, and then it felt like a lightbulb went off over his head. He told her the address to his dad’s house and she nodded. “Can you confirm the balance?”

Godammit, Yeonjun didn’t know he was going to be quizzed. She can see that it’s him on his ID, there really does not need to be so many questions. 

“I don’t know exactly. It’s around twenty thousand.”

“You really want to withdraw all of that?”

“Yes, in cash.”

She gave him another suspicious look, but still began counting money to give him. Finally, she handed it to him in a little paper pouch along with his card and ID. He turned back to Soobin without another word and they headed towards the door. Yeonjun was lucky he was buzzed because that situation would have given him a panic attack if he was sober.

Once they got back in the uber, Yeonjun sighed and shook his head at Soobin, descending into nervous laughter. “Wow, that was really bad. I was  _ not _ expecting all those questions, shit, I had no idea what to say.”

Soobin took the money from Yeonjun and began to count it. “Yeah, they...act really suspicious of everybody. Well, it looks like we’re all set.” He handed the money back to Yeonjun. “Can you take us to the gas station that’s right next to the airport?” He asked the driver. 

The man nodded and pulled out of the parking lot. Yeonjun wasn’t aware they had to go to the gas station before the airport, but he trusted Soobin so he kept his mouth shut. 

They were silent on the drive and it made Yeonjun so uncomfortable. A couple times he almost spoke, but Soobin kept giving him a sharp look. But the more he wasn’t able to talk, the more time he had to think and that just made everything harder. All he could think about was his dad.

The face he saw didn’t even look real, it looked like a movie prop. A big part of him really wished it was. In a weird way, it kind of made him feel better that it didn’t look real. He could just keep holding on to the hope that it wasn’t. Except then he wouldn’t be running away to another state...

He couldn’t believe that only two days ago he was still a happy, normal, college student whose only worries were of his asshole roommates. Now he was...doing what, exactly? Is he really running from the law? With Soobin? Why was Soobin willing to go through this with him? When they land in New York, he  _ needs _ answers. 

Yeonjun felt Soobin’s hand come to rest on his own. It somewhat calmed his thoughts. At least, no matter what else happens, Soobin is here. 

They quickly got out of the car when they arrived at the gas station. Soobin waved the uber driver away and held Yeonjun’s hand while they waited for him to leave. Once he was out of sight, Soobin turned to him, “we can talk now.” 

“Soobin, what are we going to do now? Why didn’t you have him take us to the airport?”

“Because we have to at least  _ try _ to keep the cops off our asses. Once they find out you and your dad are both missing, they’re going to come looking for you. They’ll know you withdrew your money from the bank and they’ll probably be able to trace us back to the uber driver from that since he drove us there. I had to get rid of him.” He explained. 

He held out his hand. “Now, give me your phone.” 

As soon as Yeonjun handed it over, Soobin dropped it on the ground and stomped on it several times until it was busted into pieces.

“What are you doing?!” 

Soobin smiled at him. “I’m making it so they can’t trace your phone. Factory resetting it mighta worked but I like this method better.”

Then Soobin started walking towards a little shopping center near the mall, just leaving the phone bits on the ground. “My dad told me that the Ulta over here has cameras that’re just for show, they don’t work. This way, we can go in there, change our clothes and hair without being seen, and then pick up a taxi to the airport. We’ll buy tickets with cash and hopefully it’ll take the police a few days to even notice that you or your dad are gone and by the time they do, we’ll be long fucking gone.”

Yeonjun stumbled over his feet a little as Soobin pulled him through a small parking lot towards the Ulta. Hearing Soobin say all of that outloud felt like a truck hitting him. This was really happening. “How can you say that so casually?” He asked, stopping and pulling his hand from Soobin’s grasp.

Soobin turned to look at him, but didn’t say anything. 

“Maybe I should go back.” He continued. “I think what we’re doing will just make it worse...running away after my dad is murdered just makes it look like I’m guilty. If I go to them and tell them the honest truth, if I don’t have anything to hide, they can’t say I’m guilty. They can’t prove I did it, right?”

Soobin grabbed Yeonjun’s hands again, holding them in his own. “Yeon, you have to listen to me. The justice system is not innocent until proven guilty. It doesn’t work that way in reality. They are not going to look for clues as to who could have done this. They’re going to decide it was you and then just look for evidence to support that while ignoring anything that doesn’t.”

“But, I don’t understand. Why  _ me _ ?”

“Because, look at you. You’re already running away. You’ve crushed your phone and withdrew all the money your dad gave you for school. There’s a motivation they can and  _ will _ pin on you. And God help you if they try to interview your “friends.” Fuck knows what Beomgyu or Dalton would say. To be honest, Yeon, your only option is to go with me.”

And with that, Soobin began to pull Yeonjun in the direction of Ulta again. 

Yeonjun didn’t want to believe Soobin. He had always been told that as long as you tell the truth, the police wouldn’t be able to pin anything on you that you didn’t do. But if they were specifically targeting him, then that didn’t apply. But why would they target an innocent person? They couldn’t do that. They wouldn’t, right? 

“Remember your teachers?” Soobin asked as they walked. “They were supposed to keep the peace in the classroom. They were supposed to protect you, but instead they just let it happen because they didn’t care about you. They only cared about pretending like everything was okay.”

Yeonjun didn’t respond. He hated that Soobin was right. 

Even when they got to the store, Soobin kept holding his hand. He dragged Yeonjun to the hair dye aisle before facing Yeonjun and frustratedly sighing. He didn’t say anything, just pointedly smiled at him. Yeonjun assumed he was trying to tell him to put some pep in his step. But it was hard to focus on acting happy when he had ten thousand thoughts running around his head. 

Soobin picked out a bottle of bleach and then grabbed the cash out of Yeonjun’s pocket, using it to pay. 

“Can we use the bathroom here?” He asked, and the cashier nodded, giving him the key. 

“I thought there were supposed to be clothes at this place...didn’t you want to change?” Yeonjun said as they made their way back. “And are you sure we’re allowed to dye our hair in the bathroom?”

Soobin waited until they made it in and he locked the door behind them. “Firstly, no. They don’t have clothes here, I brought some from home. Second, I don’t care if we’re allowed to or not. I  _ need _ to dye your hair in here so I’m going to. So sit on the toilet lid.”

“Wait, what about you? Don’t you need to dye yours, too?”

Soobin scoffed, “no, I won’t get caught. You’re the one who needs to be undercover. Now, get ready, this might burn.”

~~

“I’m sorry.”

“Leave me alone.”

Yeonjun was stuck in the window seat between Soobin and ten thousand miles of air. Right now he would like to jump directly out of the window. At least then nobody would have to see how much of a clown he looked like with this fucking weird hair.

Of course Soobin had no idea how to dye hair, he had never even cut his own. So it never occurred to him that you would need to tone hair after bleaching it to make a neutral blond color. Instead, it was nearly white at the root and faded lemon yellow at the middle and ends. And since they only had a bathroom sink to wash it at, Yeonjun never had the chance to properly dry or style it. He wouldn’t be surprised if it all just fell out. 

“Seriously, you look kinda  _ bad. _ Like, good bad. Like a bad boy.” Soobin snickered next to him and Yeonjun shot him a dirty look. It took a lot for him to get pissed off at Soobin, but he was now. Yeonjun couldn’t laugh or play around in a situation like this.

Soobin wasn’t taking this seriously at all and Yeonjun was quickly becoming tired of the endless mood swings. All he could think about were the questions that had been swirling in his mind for the past hours. His life was completely over now and Soobin was sitting there making jokes. 

But...he had to give Soobin the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was just trying to lighten up the situation. Maybe he was trying to make Yeonjun feel like everything was normal. 

~~

They landed after less than an hour. The alcohol he had drank that morning had gone straight through his system and he couldn’t even feel it anymore. All the people crowding around him as they walked out of the New York airport felt overwhelming. He felt claustrophobic. 

His life was really changing. It was changing way too fast and he couldn’t keep up. These people were moving too fast around him, bumping into him and pushing past him. His heart rate was quickening, making him feel a light headed. The tremble of anxiety had crawled up into his throat and was blocking any air from coming into his lungs. 

“Wait…” He said quietly, but Soobin didn’t hear him. He just kept pulling him forward through the airport. Actually, it was kind of hard to see Soobin. Everyone started to blur around him, and he couldn’t see where he was going. Were they bumping into him or was he bumping into them? His legs were like lead, stumbling in the direction Soobin pulled.

“Yeonjun? Are you okay?” He heard Soobin’s voice. It was muffled, like he was speaking on the other side of the room. But Yeonjun nodded anyway. The corners of his vision started to black out. His heart was beating out of his chest, it was so frustrating how Yeonjun couldn't control his own body.

“Yeah, I kinda can’t see.” He said, his voice was light. He didn’t want to alarm Soobin.

“You can’t see?” The boy repeated, and...yes he sounded alarmed. Yeonjun felt guilty. He just wanted to make it through the airport but his limbs felt so heavy, Soobin was just dragging him along.

“We’re almost out, baby, let’s go.” Soobin tightened his grip on Yeonjun’s wrist and it felt like he was being choked. He felt nauseous, too, so he closed his eyes and let Soobin lead him wherever they were going. 

After a few seconds Soobin wrapped his arm around Yeonjun’s back, under his arm, and helped him into a car. Yeonjun hunched over in the back seat, putting his head between his knees. He felt like he was going to vomit everywhere and this smelled like a new car so he would really rather not. 

“Are you okay?” Soobin asked, bringing a hand up to rub Yeonjun’s back. 

“I’m fine.” He quietly replied. The car began to drive but he didn’t remember Soobin saying anything to the driver. Suddenly, he became fearful that they were in a fake taxi, maybe the driver was actually going to take them some random place and murder them both? He brought his head back up quickly. “Where are we going?!”

Soobin gently shushed him. “We’re going to my place. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

Yeonjun leaned his head on the window and listened to his heart beat out of its chest for several minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore. “I need a drink, fucking badly. I really  _ really _ need a drink. Or a blunt, no, something harder than that. I need-”

“You need something in your mouth to shut you up, don’t you?” 

Yeonjun stopped speaking immediately. He was not expecting Soobin to say something like that. Was that a threat or an innuendo? He genuinely could not read Soobin’s tone most of the time. 

“I wish you would just shut up and trust me for five minutes.”

Oh, Yeonjun must be running his patience thin with the constant panicking, was that it? Soobin had been actively trying to save his ass and calm him down for the past two days straight. He must be getting annoyed with Yeonjun, but Yeonjun didn’t want to be annoying. He couldn’t afford to piss Soobin off when Soobin was the last person left in his life.

So when Soobin looked at him expectedly, he nodded. “What?” Soobin asked. 

“You’re right.” He said, his voice small. 

“Right about what?”

The driver could hear everything being said, and it made Yeonjun’s cheeks turn red in shame, like a child who was being scolded. But that didn’t matter. He just needed to pretend like nobody was with them. “I trust you more than anyone in the world, Soobin.” He eventually got out. He expected Soobin to smile at him or nod or  _ something _ to show he was happy. But he got nothing. Soobin just stared out the window as the person drove through New York City. 

Yeonjun internally beat himself up. After everything that had happened, the last thing he needed was for Soobin to be mad at him. Literally anything other than that would be fine. Why did he keep whining and questioning Soobin when all the boy was trying to do was help him? He should have just kept his fucking mouth shut. 

He had planned to ask Soobin a bunch of questions when they finally got to be alone, but now that he thought about it, maybe he shouldn’t. If there were secrets Soobin was keeping, maybe it was for the best that Yeonjun didn’t know. What if Soobin got so angry that he completely left Yeonjun to be on his own?

He couldn’t turn back now. Yeonjun was beyond suspicion now that he had fully ran away and even changed his appearance. Soobin had even given him a fake ID and passport to make it into the airplane without using his real name and it fucking  _ worked _ . He couldn’t explain these things and then claim innocence. He probably lost the ability to claim innocence as soon as he went to sleep instead of calling the police when his dad’s body was still there.

And he didn’t even know what happened to his dad’s body. There wasn’t any blood on the carpet when they left the house so Soobin must have something with it and he had no idea what. He didn’t know how Soobin knew the men who did this to his dad. He didn’t know how Soobin could be so sure that he wouldn’t get caught and that he didn’t even need to hide himself like Yeonjun. 

It must’ve had something to do with Soobin’s dad, according to that guy who pointed a gun at him but wouldn’t shoot. So why wouldn’t Soobin tell him about his dad? Was he about to meet him right now at Soobin’s home? Fuck, when he looked like an absolute clown with this hair? But, ah, better not complain about it anymore, he would just have to deal with it if he didn’t want Soobin pissed at him.

He was completely fucked if Soobin decided to leave him. He couldn’t do anything on his own, today was enough proof of that. If Soobin hadn’t been there, Yeonjun would either be dead or in jail. He  _ needed _ Soobin. Actually, it was something deeper than need, it was primal. Without Soobin, he would die. What would he do without him? If Soobin left, he might as well be dead.

He picked at the skin next to his fingernails. He had picked it to the point it was peeling red and bloody on the palm side of his fingers. He wanted to say something to fix this between him and Soobin. It had only been five minutes but he felt like he was going to die if he didn’t get Soobin’s attention and affection back. He hated being freezed out.

But thankfully, Soobin pulled Yeonjun’s hand off of his other, so he couldn’t pick at his nails anymore. He entwined their fingers and Yeonjun squeezed hard to make sure their hands stayed together. This was good enough affirmation for him right now.

The car eventually stopped and Soobin opened the door without saying anything to the driver. It looked like they were parked in the middle of the tiny road, which gave him some anxiety. He was on the seat closest to the road and there were so many cars passing by quickly, he was scared they would hit him when he opened the door. So he slid over to get out through Soobin’s side. 

The sidewalk was small and packed, and so was the road. Atlanta was not a small city, but it also was not as bustling and overcrowded as this place. Maybe it was just his anxiety making him claustrophobic, but he already hated New York City. 

“Yeon, don’t say anything until I tell you you can.” Soobin said, and then he opened the door to the building in front of them. Yeonjun turned back to see their car still there at the edge of the sidewalk. He had thought it was a taxi or uber but it didn’t look like it. It was completely black and the windows were tinted so dark he couldn’t see inside. 

He wished he had been more aware of his surroundings, he didn’t even get to see the outside of the building they were entering. The inside looked like a hotel lobby, huge and impeccably clean, just like Soobin’s home in Atlanta. There were a few couches near the entrance that looked as if they’d never been used before and a big porcelain-like desk sat in the middle of the room. 

The man behind the desk studied them with shrewd eyes, and even though Soobin ignored it, Yeonjun stared back at him. The man squinted his eyes as a challenge and it kind of pissed Yeonjun off. He had no idea who this dude was, why the fuck was he looking at them like that? If he had a problem, couldn’t he say it? Yeonjun was so fucking tired of people being pissy at him for no reason, he was so fucking tired of it.

Soobin put his hand at the bottom of Yeonjun’s back and led him to the elevator at the side of the room. “Baby.” He said quietly, but the room was empty, and Yeonjun knew the man could hear it. He shook his head, still watching them with those disapproving eyes.

“The  _ fuck is your problem _ ?!” Yeonjun exploded, and he turned as if to go beat the everloving shit out of this guy, but Soobin grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the elevator. “I’ll  _ fucking _ kill you!” He yelled as it closed, leaving the two of them alone inside. 

Soobin studied Yeonjun as he clenched his fists in anger, his face turned up in a scowl at the door. He wanted to go back down there so badly. He wanted to punch him directly in the face and wipe that stupid, ugly fucking disgusted look off his mouth.

He seethed until the elevator dinged and the door opened, leading into another room, just as big and open as the lobby. Yeonjun couldn’t focus on looking at it. Everything was tinted red in his vision right now. 

“Yeon, look at me.” Soobin’s voice commanded, and Yeonjun looked at him, the same scowl still painted on his face. “What are you angry at right now?” He asked.

“That fucking guy downstairs, whoever the fuck he is, staring at us like we’re fucking dirt on the ground beneath him. I want to fucking  _ kill him _ .”

“You’re not  _ really _ angry at him. You’re angry at anything right now. But where is it coming from? Why are you angry.”

Yeonjun slammed his fist on the wall next to him. “You  _ know _ !” He yelled, “my entire life is  _ over!  _ It’s fucking _ ruined _ ! Everybody has ruined my fucking life, Soobin.” Hot tears began to form in his eyes but Yeonjun wiped them away forcefully. “Just a few months ago, I thought I was getting somewhere in life. I thought it was going uphill and I thought I was going to get everything I wanted. I thought I was going to prove all those kids in school  _ wrong _ . I was trying so hard to have friends, get good grades, and make my dad proud, but now…”

He wiped away the tears streaming down his face. “Now I’m even worse off than I was at the beginning. Everything has been taken away from me in just a few weeks.  _ Everything _ has been taken from me.  _ Fucking everything! _ ” He yelled and punched the wall, a sharp pain running up his index finger as he did so. Cracks webbed across the paint with a small dent forming in the center where he hit. The pain in his finger dulled to a throb, and Yeonjun ignored it.

“Yeon,” Soobin began, “I need you to remember this feeling, this anger. Being sad isn’t going to help anything, but it’s easy to release your anger. I can help you with that.” He grabbed Yeonjun’s hand and held it in his own, causing the boy to wince. “The police aren’t going to bring justice to anyone that hurt you, but  _ we can _ .”

They looked into each other’s eyes, not saying anything but both knowing the implications. A weird feeling bubbled in Yeonjun’s chest at the idea of bringing justice to the people who did this to him. He hated everyone who had hurt him. His mom, his classmates, his roommates, the people who murdered his dad, he hated all of them. A sick part of him wanted to see them suffer as much as he had. And Soobin, to make this offer, must agree. 

So Yeonjun said nothing. He looked into Soobin’s eyes, trying to find any trace of dishonesty. He thought he could read Soobin very well and all he saw was love.

“I trust you. I’ll do what you say.”


	9. Chapter 9

When Yeonjun blow dried, brushed, and straightened his hair, it didn’t look too bad. Combined with his outfit, which was a loose black t-shirt and dark red pants, he kind of looked like a delinquent. He had even used black eye shadow to make his eyes deeper and darker, something that he was learning to curate from what Beomgyu had done that night a long time ago. Yeonjun looked like a completely different person. He  _ needed _ to. Because he was going to see Alcinder again and this time he was not just going to steal his wallet. 

“You look good.” Soobin said from the bed. He had created this entire plan and Yeonjun wasn’t sure how he felt about it yet. But he also didn’t feel like he had much of a choice other than to go through with it. Besides, Soobin had made it clear that the plan was to just beat the shit out of the people who did this, make them feel pain like Yeonjun felt. It wasn’t like he was going to murder anyone. So the police couldn’t pin anything against him. 

Soobin had gotten files full of information about each of those five men for Yeonjun. They read through them together and then Soobin thought out plans for how to enact justice. The first one, Alcinder, would be easy. He lived in Georgia full time but had an apartment in New York that he visited frequently to keep up with the fresh meat at the gay bars. 

Yeonjun would follow him to one of the clubs he frequented, pretending to be someone else. Soobin was sure Alcinder wouldn’t be able to recognize Yeonjun with the new hair and clothes. When Yeonjun asked what would happen if he  _ was _ recognized, Soobin didn’t really have an answer, which concerned him. 

But every time he started to get nervous or scared, he remembered that he had no reason to care what happened to him. He had lost everything. If he died while doing this, no one would notice anyway. And that fact only brought a new fire into his heart.

“Soobin.” He said, finally turning away from the mirror. “When we come back, will you answer my questions?”

Soobin nodded and made his way from the bed over to Yeonjun. He studied his face, staring deeply into the grey lenses covering Yeonjun’s true eye color. Finally, he brought a hand up to the boy’s cheek and connected their lips sweetly. “I’ll tell you everything. Everything about me, my family...everything you want, baby.” He said quietly. 

“You just have to keep this feeling, here, in your chest.” He said and placed his hand above Yeonjun’s heart. “After tonight, it’ll be easy.”

Yeonjun nodded at Soobin’s cryptic words and they kissed again before Yeonjun pulled away to head towards the door with Soobin following. He had promised he would be watching Yeonjun from a distance, just like he had the first time. It made him feel a little more safe, but he knew that whether he succeeded or not ultimately depended on his own abilities. 

Soobin grabbed his hand gently, but it was enough to make Yeonjun turn to face him. “I have one last thing to tell you before you go.”

He lowered his voice as if there were people listening in on them. “I got information that he has a baseball bat in the bedroom. Get yourself alone in there, find it, and then hit him hard enough to send a message, but not unconscious or anything. If you hit him in the head just right, he should be groaning and worming around on the floor and shit. Then you can tell him who you are, hit him a couple more times in the stomach or something and then get out of there. Got it?”

Yeonjun watched his lips as he spoke, then his eyes flickered up to meet Soobin’s. “Yes...but what if I can’t get alone in the bedroom? Or what if I miss or don’t hit hard enough?”

Soobin’s eyes didn’t waver. There wasn’t even a hint of doubt or concern. “This man is the sole reason why your dad will never have a proper burial.” Yeonjun winced, but Soobin kept his eye contact. “I know you can do it because you  _ must _ . Remember how you told the school how much of a dick Taehyun is? You did it because he left you no choice, right? You don’t have a choice, here, either. You  _ must _ bring justice to your dad because if you don’t...well, it’d be like pissing on his grave.”

Yeonjun looked down, he couldn’t meet Soobin’s eyes anymore. He knew he was right. Yeonjun didn’t have anything to lose. It was stupid to ask questions and wonder ‘what if-’, he just needed to make it work. Anything that was thrown at him, he needed to figure out how to make it work by himself. For his father and for his pride. 

“Yeah, I can do it.”

“Good. Just don’t - don’t get too close to him or I’ll be jealous.” Soobin said. The corner of his lips poked up in a smirk, but his voice betrayed that it wasn’t a joke. Yeonjun studied him closely, smiling because he felt like he could see through Soobin. It satisfied him, he  _ wanted _ Soobin to get jealous over him. It meant that he was wanted, desired,  _ needed _ . 

“Why don't you take a few shots before we go? It’ll make you feel better.” Soobin suggested and wow, that sounded like a fantastic idea. 

~~

He felt weird, jittery thumps in his chest while they waited in the car outside the club. The street was packed with vehicles and people walking around. He still felt quite claustrophobic in this city. At least, as a sole comfort, he knew he would fit in with these people at the club. Last time he looked like a lost puppy but now he was just as vibrant as the rest of them, with his hair like a bright yellow highlighter. 

His feet bounced off the floor, up and down, waiting for Alcinder to come into sight. Soobin had his hand on Yeonjun’s, rubbing his finger across Yeonjun’s sore one. 

“There.” Soobin said, and Yeonjun followed his eyes to see the man walking across the street and towards the club. As soon as Yeonjun saw him, his heart pounded. He felt fire blooming in his lungs, making it hard to breathe. He couldn’t help how his lips turned down in displeasure, but Soobin squeezed his hand gently and said, “you need to control your anger for now, baby. Don’t let him see it until it’s too late.”

Yeonjun nodded and exhaled deeply before stepping out of the car. He accidentally slammed the door shut behind him in his haste, but the noise could barely be heard over the blasting music of every nightclub and bar in a ten mile radius. 

He quickly walked towards the entrance, feeling the bass vibration coiling inside his veins. He stared at Alcinder’s back and lingered a few feet behind him. He couldn’t look at anything else. Even when the bouncer asked for his ID, he didn’t move his eyes from where Alcinder was standing inside the club. 

“You don’t look twenty-one.” The bouncer said. Yeonjun’s eyes snapped towards the man and he forced his face not to scowl. He didn’t say anything, which might have been suspicious, but the man let out a loud laugh. “I’m just busting your balls, kid.” He said and patted Yeonjun on the back of his shoulder hard, pushing him towards the entrance. 

It was almost midnight, prime time for the club to be raging. The dance floor was packed, bodies moving and grinding on each other like they were about to fuck right there in the moment. It reminded him of the frat party he went to with Beomgyu and Soobin. When their bodies were packed tight, hot, and Soobin grinded on him from behind. He missed partying with them. As angry as he still was at Beomgyu, the boy was damn fun. 

Yeonjun made his way to the bar. Even though Soobin had been keeping him some iteration of high and drunk ever since he arrived in New York, he still needed more to prepare for the night ahead. 

So he ordered a few shots of Grey Goose, giving Soobin’s credit card to pay for them, and then threw all three back in quick succession. They burned down his throat like Robitussin, and left his stomach feeling warm. It would take a few minutes before he really loosened up, but he didn’t want to be caught at the bar by Alcinder again. He didn’t want the man’s gaze to linger too closely on his features. Anything to make him forget about who Yeonjun actually was would help.

He stood and made his way through the crowd to the dance floor, his eyes scanning through each person to find his target. He didn’t make it far before someone grabbed onto his waist from behind. 

He melted into their hold, but his eyes still darted around the room. The warmth in his stomach dropped to his dick when they ran their hands over his body, grinding their hips slowly onto him. Yeonjun pushed back, his body started feeling hot. Maybe he could have some fun here before finding Alcinder. It could be just like the old times, just like how his life used to be…

Then he saw Alcinder on the other side of the floor, dancing with another Asian boy. His heart dropped, fuck he was too late. The man already picked out his toy for the night and it wasn’t Yeonjun.

Yeonjun bit his lip and turned around to see the man who had been dancing with him. It was some tall guy, really indiscernible features, like someone Yeonjun had seen in a million action movies before. 

The guy started to pull him close again but Yeonjun pulled away. He didn’t say anything, just turned and started pushing through the crowd in the direction of Alcinder and that other stupid boy he was with. Yeonjun wasn’t going to let his prey be stolen. 

Just seeing Alcinder made his vision tint red. His lips turned down in anger and he began to push people out of his way, the bass vibrating in his chest like a growl. When he finally made it over to the couple, he grabbed the boy by his shoulder and ripped him away from Alcinder like a scorned lover. 

The boy yelled something at him, but Yeonjun either couldn’t hear him over the music, or just didn’t care enough to listen. He moved in front of Alcinder and looked directly in the man’s eyes. His were burning with fire, wondering if the man would recognize him. Maybe grab him by the hair and chop him up into little bits like his dad. Maybe rape his dead fucking corpse after doing so?

The man just chuckled and grabbed Yeonjun’s waist, too stupid to see any signs of danger. “I like you!” He yelled over the music.

Why? Because Yeonjun pushed the other boy away? Did Alcinder think Yeonjun was so desperate to get into his pants that he would fight someone over it? That was laughable, but it was good, too. He needed to believe Yeonjun was interested.

Yeonjun placed his arms on the man’s shoulders, moving close until their bodies were touching. The alcohol was making him feel a little numb, lighter, easier to hide his emotions. The man pressed his lips to Yeonjun’s neck and Yeonjun could feel him hum against the skin. 

A hand travelled down to his ass and Yeonjun placed his own hand over it, not allowing it to move any more. The man squeezed it and pushed Yeonjun’s crotch into his own. “You’re fuckin’ hot, boy.” The man said into his ear before pressing a kiss just underneath it. Yeonjun could smell the alcohol on his breath when he spoke, but it wasn’t sweet and fruity like Soobin, it smelled like ten cans of stale beer. 

Yeonjun grimaced but luckily Alcinder couldn’t see it with his face shoved into Yeonjun’s neck like a wild animal biting all over his skin. God, he needed another shot. 

He turned his head and pressed close to Alcinder’s ear. He thought about what to say for a few moments, what would be the biggest turn on for a guy like this?

“I want you.” He said in the lowest voice he could muster. The man used both hands to grab his ass and squeeze it. He could feel another hum come from the man’s mouth before he pulled back and displayed all his teeth in a wide grin. 

“Shit, what are you? A fuckin’ slut? I like that.” Alcinder grabbed his arms and began to pull him through the crowd, towards the bar. The closer they got, the lower the music was, and Yeonjun could hear some of the conversations around him. 

Alcinder swaggered up to the bar confidently and ordered some drink Yeonjun had never heard of before. He leaned his elbow on the countertop and grinned at Yeonjun, still holding on to his arm. “You know, the last time I tried to fuck a boy with eyes like yours, he stole my fuckin’ wallet.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened and he quickly brought himself closer, bringing the man’s head down close to his own. He didn’t want to talk about anything that could make this guy recognize him. Yeonjun was lucky enough that he hadn’t been recognized yet. 

He ran his hands down the man’s chest and licked his lips. “Do you like my eyes?” He kept his voice lower than usual, both as an attempt to sound sultry and to make his voice less recognizable. 

“Yeah I do, you look a lot more exotic than the boys I’ve fucked around with before. What’s your name, boy?” 

Yeonjun hesitated. It took willpower not to move his head away from this man every time he spoke. The beer on his breath was so fucking gross. “Uh, uh,” He stuttered, “my name is Beom…”

“Oh yeah? I like that name. But I’m gonna keep calling you ‘boy’ because that’s what you look like to me. Yeah, just my type...a cute boy.” Alcinder growled at him in a playful manner and dug his face into Yeonjun’s neck again. Yeonjun couldn’t hold back the disgusted expression that passed on his face for a few seconds before he pulled away from the man’s arms. 

“Oh, our drinks are here.” He said with a burst of nervous laughter. He really needed this drink if he was going to be able to pretend like he was into this guy. Fuck. 

Alcinder handed him one of the drinks and Yeonjun swallowed it down quickly. He briefly wondered if Soobin could see him from the car. The bar was directly in front of the windows that led to the street...No, he couldn’t think about Soobin right now. If he did, it would just make it harder to pretend like he wanted Alcinder. 

“Uh, are you going to take me home with you or not?” He asked, his voice coming out a lot more irritated and impatient than he meant it to. At least it was better than being an awkward, stuttering mess like when he was sober. 

Alcinder laughed loudly. “I like your attitude, boy. If you’re a good fuck, maybe I’ll keep ya.” He playfully swatted Yeonjun’s ass. “Yeah, I’ll take ya home. I’ll fuck your little ass all night long, how’s that?”

Yeonjun had to laugh. This guy was so  _ easy  _ to manipulate, he was so fucking stupid Yeonjun could hardly believe it. He just needed to get this over with, get to the guy’s house and beat the shit out of him. Alcinder the fucking clown was going to regret what he had done. 

Yeonjun pulled him towards the door. He didn’t want to play around anymore, he didn’t want to be touched anymore and have to pretend he liked it. Of course, as they walked out, Alcinder made a big show. Talking loudly about how he was going to fuck this ‘cute little boy’ who wanted his dick so badly. 

People were looking at them as they left, some laughing and some raising their eyebrows. Yeonjun would have felt embarrassed and probably disgusted with himself, but he just wanted to laugh at how obnoxiously wrong Alcinder was. His stomach burned, whether from anticipation for the future or just the drinks he had, he didn’t know. But as they left the club and the street lights were spinning in his vision, he realized it was probably the alcohol. 

He blinked up at them and every time he did, they momentarily centered before spinning again. 

“My home’s not far. Just a little walk. I got an apartment close to the club on purpose, ya know? The shorter the walk, the less time’s a boy got to change his mind.” Alcinder snickered. 

Yeonjun hummed in response and breathed out slowly. It came out in a puff of steam that looked pretty cool so he did it again. It was weird, his body didn’t feel cold even in short sleeves. But when he looked around, there were still piles of unmelted snow on the sidewalks. 

“You listening to me, boy?” 

When Alcinder turned to look at him, Yeonjun met his eyes and smiled sweetly. “I’m not going to change my mind.” The man was still looking at him, so Yeonjun added, “I just want to get there so you can fuck me.”

Alcinder laughed again, and Yeonjun was really getting tired of how loud and dramatic his voice was each time he laughed. “I take home a lot of boys like you, but you’re the first one to be so blunt about what you want. All the other ones act all innocent and shy. Some of ‘em need to be a little forced. But not you, shit, you’ve taken a buncha dicks up your ass, haven’tcha?”

Yeonjun forced a coy smile, “maybe.” He teased. 

They fell into silence for a few seconds before Yeonjun noticed the car trailing behind them. By this point, it was so late that there were no other cars on the street, so it was able to linger behind them at only a few miles per hour. Yeonjun chanced a look behind him and recognized Soobin’s car. His tummy filled with butterflies, Soobin really  _ was _ watching out for him!

“Come on in, kid.” Alcinder said, holding open a door. Honestly, the building looked kind of shady. It was run down and everything was dark. Even when he went inside, the tiny lobby was almost pitch black. “You’re lucky my room is only on the second floor so I can rearrange your guts sooner.” He said while leading Yeonjun up the stairs.

Yeonjun felt a little blossom of nerves pop up in his chest. He was at the point of no return now. What if this guy tried to just shove him on the bed and fuck him? What if he didn’t have a bat or Yeonjun couldn’t find it? 

He tried to clear his mind of the uncertainties. He had to do this, he had to  _ make it work _ . 

When they made it to the second floor hallway, Alcinder pushed him against the wall suddenly. Yeonjun began to freak out internally, what if the man had known who he was all along and now he’s going to murder Yeonjun just like he did to his dad.

Instead, Alcinder leaned down and kissed Yeonjun on the lips. He snaked his hands down to reach under Yeonjun’s shirt, feeling his hands up and down his stomach, chest, sides, back, everywhere. 

Yeonjun didn’t move or reciprocate anything. He wasn’t ready for this. Every part of his body was telling him to run away. To go find Soobin in the car and just give up. 

“W-wait, wait.” He said, moving his face away from Alcinder. 

“Oh, you better not be having second thoughts. You can’t fuckin’ come all the way up here and then back out of it, now.  _ I’m going to fuck you _ .”

Yeonjun pushed him away, a spark of irritation growing in him. “I’m not  _ trying _ to back out.” He said angrily, and then tried to pull himself back under control. “I just need a - I need to prepare. Show me your bedroom.”

Alcinder grinned at him, seemingly satisfied with that answer. He opened the door right next to them and let Yeonjun walk in first. God knows why he was trying to make out in the hallway if his apartment was so close but whatever. 

“So how are you gonna prepare yourself for me, eh?” Alcinder asked with a dirty chuckle as he sat on the living room couch. The place was small, not what Yeonjun had expected. He thought it would be more like Soobin’s place. Big, open, clean, expensive. But this was none of those things. The living room and kitchen together were the same size as just Soobin’s bedroom. 

There were cigarettes and beer cans laying around all over the floor, counters, and table tops. Yeonjun could see a small sliver of white carpet underneath the couch, the only spot that was not stained yellow from smoke. A bitter marijuana smell seeped from every pore in the walls, absorbed from the bong laying abandoned in the corner of the room. The water inside it had long since turned brown. 

“Well,” Yeonjun started as he made his way to the bedroom, “I’ll tell you, but you have to stay right there on the couch until I say so.”

“Alright, I’ll play your little game, boy. Whaddaya gonna do?”

Yeonjun left the bedroom door open when he entered so they could continue talking. Luckily Alcinder’s couch was facing the opposite direction, which allowed Yeonjun to make sure the man was not turning his head around to peek. “I’m gonna take my pants off,” he said, “and then I’m gonna fuck myself with my fingers.” He scanned the room but there wasn’t a bat in sight. Of course he would have it hidden.

“Oh yeah? Can you take a lot, boy? Or do you need to be stretched open every time like a virgin?”

Yeonjun quietly opened the closet, but it wasn’t in there, either. “Ah, I - I need to be helped.” He said, speaking with more breath and airiness to his tone, as if he were touching himself. 

“That’s fuckin’ hot. I bet your dick is nice and hard right now, isn’t it? Imagining me fuckin’ that tight pussy open.” 

Yeonjun cringed but forced out a light moan. His voice cracked, fuck, this was difficult. “Yeah, yeah I need you to-” he heard Alcinder shift on the couch, “no! I’m not ready yet!” He exclaimed.

The man laughed and settled back down. “Hurry up, boy. My dick is hard and I wanna bury it in ya.”

Yeonjun quickly bent down on the floor and looked under the bed. There was the bat. 

He slid it out as quietly as he could. It was big, wooden, and heavy when he picked it up. “Um, can I ask you a question?” He said quietly. He tried to keep some of the lust in his voice, but it wasn’t as breathy as it had been before. 

“Sure? But still, hurry up.” Alcinder responded. 

Yeonjun moved to stand right next to the doorway, his back to the wall, and still hidden in the bedroom where Alcinder couldn’t see him. He held the bat loosely in his hand so the top was touching the floor. “Earlier, you told me I reminded you of another boy with eyes like mine. What did you mean by that?”

The man huffed out a laugh, but it wasn’t as boisterous or genuine as his others. “I don’t know whatcha call it, your eye shape. Makes ya look like you wouldn’t know English.” Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows. People had talked shit about his eyes before, but never something that fucking stupid. 

“Anyway, you better not be like that last boy, ya hear?” Alcinder said playfully.

“What happened?” Yeonjun asked, tightening his grip on the bat.

Alcinder scoffed, “that fuckin’ kid stole my wallet. I had work shit in there, too. Had to teach his ass a fuckin’ lesson.”

Yeonjun let anger paint his face. He lifted the bat up slowly, gripping it with both hands as if he were on a baseball field. His heart began to race and he could see his hands trembling slightly. The room around him was still moving, spiraling around and only staying stationary when he blinked, just like the lamps.

“What did you do?” Yeonjun asked slowly, his voice no longer containing any hint of excitement. 

Alcinder laughed, “I know I shouldn’t tell ya, boy, loose lips sink ships and all. But maybe you’ll take it as a lesson, eh? I found the kid’s dad, got my whole crew together, and chopped him up into little bits like a pig.” He laughed again, loud and obnoxious. “That sounds bad to you doesn’t it? To me it’s just another Tuesday.”

Yeonjun felt his skin moving, curling up into flames and bursting all across his body. His eyes were open wide, staring at the wall opposite of him. All he could imagine was how good it would feel to crack this bat directly across Alcinder’s face. Soobin told him not to hit too hard, but if he didn’t hit hard enough it wouldn’t hurt enough, right?

Another Tuesday. Yeonjun’s arms trembled and he had a hard time gaining purchase on the bat with how clammy his hands were. He took a deep breath in and tried to calm himself. It was clear this man had no remorse for his actions, he needed to be brought to justice by the only person who could do it. And that was Yeonjun. 

He breathed out slowly, gripping the bat until his fingers were white. “I’m ready.” He said, his voice almost low enough to be a growl. 

“You ready for me to come fuck you?” Alcinder asked, and Yeonjun nodded even though no one could see it.

“Yeah.” He held the bat in position, imagining himself as a baseball player. Except the ball was going to be Alcinder’s face. 

He heard the man rise up from the couch and his heart beat increased. He held tight, his nails digging into his palms. If he was so stressed already, he didn’t even want to know what his body would be doing if he were sober. But he needed to chill, Alcinder was coming to the bedroom, he just needed to cross the threshold and then...

Alcinder’s footsteps came closer and closer and finally Yeonjun saw the tip of his shoe step over the threshold of the doorway and he swung the bat as hard as he possibly could. It connected to the man’s face with a loud crack and snapped his head back out of Yeonjun’s line of sight. It felt good, it felt like all of his hurt and anger was channeled into that one swing. It almost made him feel out of breath when he lowered the bat.

Alcinder didn’t make a noise or scream or  _ anything _ . Yeonjun could only see his feet laying at the threshold, completely still. He didn’t moan in pain or wiggle around like Soobin had said. 

So Yeonjun slowly moved away from the wall and to the doorway so he could see Alcinder’s entire body and as soon as he did, his eyes widened and the fire that had previously encased his body was doused in ice water. 

Alcinder’s face was completely cracked in half. There was a line of red going down his forehead like a stab wound, about half an inch thick, but no blood was dripping from it. His head was completely flattened as if Yeonjun’s swing had popped him like a flat basketball. It forced his eyes closer together in a way that didn’t even look real. It was like someone had come in and replaced Alcinder with a B movie prop. 

His eyes were still open, staring up at the ceiling, completely devoid of any cognition to the world around him. His mouth was open, too, as if he had been ready to scream. But there was nothing, the entire world was completely devoid of any sound. The noise of his bat connecting with Alcinder’s face replayed in his head and he slowly let the weapon fall out of his hands. One side of it was smeared with blood, but the other was perfectly clean. It hit the floor with a muffled thump on the carpet.

The room was still spinning, and now it made Alcinder’s body look like it was moving. Yeonjun blinked quickly, trying to get rid of that fucked up illusion. His breath quickened, he was beginning to panic. 

Yeonjun stumbled back until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and then he let his body sit down. “Oh...shit…” He said breathlessly. He stared at the body, the face, he couldn’t look away. Alcinder’s face was smashed like a fucking pumpkin. Even some of his brains were poking through that fucking crator in the middle of his face.

It didn’t take long for Soobin to open the door, and then the body was separating him from Yeonjun, who couldn’t tell how long he had been sitting there. Yeonjun expected Soobin to freak out, to scream or run, but he didn’t. The boy walked forward confidently and bent down, his face only a foot away from Alcinder’s. 

He looked up at Yeonjun and they stared at each other for a few seconds. “You did this?” Soobin asked, his voice low. 

Yeonjun breathed out and squeezed his eyes shut. He shook his head but said “yes” anyway. 

The room was quiet for a few moments before Soobin spoke again. “Open your eyes.”

Yeonjun hesitated but did as he was told, his eyes immediately widening at the sight. Soobin was still crouched on the floor above the body. He had his hands on each side of the head, pushing the ends down so the middle puffed back up as if the head was still round. It made the crack in the center of his forehead widen, and Yeonjun was seriously afraid the entire front of his face would fall apart. 

“You see this man?” Soobin asked, tilting the fucked up head towards Yeonjun. “What you just did to him was not even half of what he did to your dad, do you realize that? Your father was tortured, probably for hours, and had each one of his limbs cut off, one by one. You know how they do that? They start at the smallest limbs so he stays alive the longest. His fingers, then his toes, his tongue, his hands, his feet, and then his arms and legs. They probably decapitated him last.”

Yeonjun stared down at the head. Soobin shook it as he spoke, and finally streams of blood started spurting from the crack and making a river of gore down the man’s face. “Can you imagine your dad’s last moments? Screaming, trying to flail limbs that have already been cut off, crying for the only person who could save him. Crying for  _ you _ !” He said loudly, and this time he shook the head too hard because it finally cracked in half. Past his nose and between his teeth. 

Yeonjun stared at the deep red opening into the man’s skull. The blood was so dark he couldn’t make out anything inside other than a huge chunk of flesh that fell from inside onto the floor. Blood was streaming down his shirt and to the carpet in gushes as if his throat had been slit. 

Soobin threw the head down without a care and wiped his hands on the floor before he stood up. He stepped over the body and made his way to Yeonjun, who was still sitting on the bed.

“What you’ve done tonight...that’s nothing.He just died a real nice and peaceful death. He didn’t even know what was happening before his lights got turned off.” He sat next to Yeonjun and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. Yeonjun was still looking at the body, so Soobin gently grabbed his face and turned it towards himself. They locked eyes. Soobin’s were strong but Yeonjun’s were weak. 

“What do you think?” The taller boy asked. 

Yeonjun stayed quiet for a few moments, thinking out his response. What  _ did _ he think? For some reason, it was really hard for him to think about  _ anything _ right now. 

“I guess...you’re right. He didn’t suffer enough, did he?” Yeonjun asked, uncertainty painting his features. Soobin was right...wasn’t he? Alcinder didn’t even have time to yell before he was dead. He didn’t even flinch. Yeonjun’s dad had plenty of time to take in the fact that he was going to die. He had time to be terrified, knowing that he was going to be tortured to death. Alcinder’s soul was probably still lingering in purgatory, convinced he’s still alive. 

Yeonjun’s dad had time to think about everything he was going to lose. His son, his friends, his own future, everything. Alcinder probably just felt like he was taking a nap.

“Yeon.” Soobin said quietly. “You’re allowed to be angry.”

Yeonjun felt his chest tighten. He couldn’t believe he let Alcinder get off so easily. All he could muster was a single swing and then it was all over? After how much this man had done to ruin his life, this was all he could muster?

Yeonjun stood up and walked over to the corpse. The face was fucked to hell and back, all the brains and shit being held inside the open head like a bowl full of chilli. He stood over it, his feet on each side of the shoulders. He lifted a foot up and brought it down, stomping on the brains as if he were stomping grapes for wine. 

He must have cracked something at the back of the skull, because all the juices started seeping into the carpet. When he pulled his foot back out, the gunky shit was covering his shoe, making him want to gag. 

He stumbled away from the head and kicked his shoe off. Soobin came out of the bedroom behind him. “Are you done?” He asked, and Yeonjun hesitated. Did he want to smash it again? No, it was too disgusting. He didn’t want the gore all over him. 

“Yes, I guess so.” He replied. 

Soobin nodded. “We need to go back home.”

Yeonjun made a face at him. “What about  _ him _ ?” He asked, motioning towards the body. “We can’t just leave it here!”

Soobin sighed and grabbed Yeonjun’s arm, pulling out of the apartment. “Yeon, when have I  _ ever _ been wrong about  _ anything _ when I’m helping you? Just trust me and I’ll explain it later.” He looked back at Yeonjun, “I told you I’d let you ask me anything you wanted if you did this. Yeon, you exceeded my expectations. Seriously, when we get back you can ask me  _ anything. _ ”

Soobin sounded proud of him. He liked what Yeonjun did, he wanted Yeonjun to go farther. Yeonjun wanted to, too. Alcinder didn’t suffer enough. The rest of those guys left on the list would need to go through hell.

Maybe he was still in shock, maybe his mind was just trying to cope with what he just did by justifying it. Would he still feel this way after having the time to really think about and understand what he had just done?

~~

Soobin let Yeonjun shower before they met back in the bedroom. By then it was early morning and the sun was shining through the window to paint Soobin in the bright white light like a halo. The boy turned to him as he walked out of the bathroom. Yeonjun still felt a little drunk, but he knew it would pass soon. The thought made him nervous, he wanted to drink more before he regained his senses and discovered what a fucked up situation he was in. 

“Yeon,” Soobin moved off the bed and opened the mini fridge next to it. Yeonjun had spent a few days here and he never knew that even existed, God, he really needed to get his spatial awareness under control. 

Soobin handed him a fifth of svedka. “You’re gonna need this. You better just go ahead and drink it now before we even begin.” Soobin said. 

Yeonjun looked down at the bottle, sighed, and then popped it open. “You can read my mind, huh.” He said with a tinge of glumness to his voice. Even though he had so many questions to ask Soobin and had been holding on to them for so long, he had a feeling he was really not going to like the answers. As soon as he felt anxiety twist up in his stomach, he threw back the fifth and prayed for the best. 

It hit him like a truck. Holy shit, it was not a good idea to drink a bunch of vodka while you’re sobering up. His stomach felt like fire after only a swig. What was that? Four shots maybe?

“So…” Soobin started as they both sat back on the bed. “What do you want to know first?”

Yeonjun sat for a moment, trying to collect himself. “Well, I guess...let’s start from the beginning. What was in that room under the stairs at your old house in Atlanta?”


	10. Chapter 10

Soobin let out an awkward laugh. “Uh, wow, I wasn’t expecting you to ask about  _ that _ . Fuck, how do you even remember that?”

Yeonjun saw how Soobin’s expression became evasive, not meeting his eyes. “You said you would tell me anything.” He stated.

Soobin let out an exasperated sigh. “I know but the thing is…I can’t really just  _ tell _ you that. I have to explain everything else, first. And you have to swear on your life you won’t freak out, okay? Maybe you should drink some more of that, first. So you’re calm.”

Yeonjun nodded. If Soobin was about to tell him some crazy shit, maybe he  _ should _ drink some more. He didn’t want to have a panic attack while Soobin spoke to him. So he took another swig, smaller this time but still enough to burn its way through his throat. 

“Okay…” Soobin started, “my dad...well, to put it bluntly, he does a lot of illegal shit. More than just selling drugs, he - well, he hurts people. Like you did last night.” Soobin held his hand up when Yeonjun opened his mouth to speak. “But! He only does it to people who deserve it, like Alcinder did.”

Soobin then sighed, obviously not wanting to continue. “He...yeah. That’s the gist of it. I mean, he does a lot of other things, too, but his biggest concern is selling drugs and weapons illegally. Anyone who cheats him gets the guillotine, you know?”

Yeonjun nodded, listening intently. For some reason, he wasn’t that concerned. His lips felt a little numb, and so did his mind. The words actually made him feel better in a way. If Soobin’s dad was this big hotshot gangster or whatever, wouldn’t it mean that Yeonjun would be more safe here? People couldn’t exactly come murder him in this penthouse if it belonged to Soobin’s dad, right?

Soobin absentmindedly tapped on the bottle of svedka Yeonjun was holding, bringing his attention back down to it. His body felt warm. Wouldn’t it feel even better if he drank a little more?

“Anyway,” Soobin continued, “I told you a long time ago that my dad wanted me to work for him and I didn’t-”

“Oh shit, I forgot about that.” Yeonjun slurred. He was really tired after being awake all night. Soobin’s cheeks looked so soft, he’d really like to just lay on them and pass out. 

“I didn’t  _ want _ to work for him, I wanted to go to school in Atlanta and get a real job down there. He’s the one who bought that house I was staying at, obviously.”

“ _ Obviously. _ ” Yeonjun repeated and Soobin looked a little annoyed, but it just made Yeonjun laugh. 

“Listen, Yeon. I’m going to answer your question, okay?” Soobin reached out and took the drink out of Yeonjun’s hand to place it on top of the mini fridge, which made the boy pout. “Okay, look. When I moved to Atlanta, he saw it as a way to get into their market, right? Because I could sell shit to people and collect money down there. But there are a lot of people who try to fuck me over because I’m young and look harmless.”

Yeonjun nodded, but it was hard for him to listen. He couldn’t really focus on Soobin’s words, just the way his lips looked when he talked. He had to blink a few times because Soobin looked fuzzy, as if Yeonjun needed some glasses.

Shit, he was too drunk to be having this conversation. He could barely pay attention and he knew Soobin noticed that he was swaying where he sat. The boy watched him for a few seconds, a smile finding its way onto his face. But why? Shouldn’t he be annoyed at Yeonjun?

“So when people fucked me over, I took them back to that room and I did the same thing you did to Alcinder.”

Yeonjun’s eyes snapped up to his face. “You what now?”

Soobin leaned closer and whispered, “I took them in there and crushed their skulls. Like water balloons.” That smile was still on his face as he spoke and he studied Yeonjun’s expression, searching for any sign of discomfort. “Just like you did. You remember how Alcinder’s face looked when you smashed it inside out?”

He reached a hand up to caress Yeonjun’s cheek, rubbing his thumb just under Yeonjun’s bottom lip. “I’ve done it before, too. I’ve killed people. I’m telling you this because I trust you, you know that? I really do.” He looked into Yeonjun’s eyes and all Yeonjun could see were deep pools of pure sincerity. “I know you, you know me, I’ve been here by your side ever since we met. At your lowest point, I’ve never wavered. Won’t you do the same for me?”

Yeonjun pressed his forehead against Soobin’s and nodded. Soobin had done so much for him, he had always been there when Yeonjun was crying, screaming, or freaking out, and it never made Soobin leave him. To be honest, if Yeonjun was Soobin, he would have left a long time ago. Yeonjun was nothing but a high strung bundle of nerves that went haywire at the slightest poke. 

But Soobin never left. Soobin was the first person who actually  _ chose _ to be around Yeonjun. He never acted like it was stressful or annoying. He made Yeonjun feel  _ normal _ . And now, even though they had only known each other for a few months, Yeonjun felt like he found his soulmate. He didn’t care about the bad things Soobin did, he only cared about Soobin’s heart. 

“I...I think I love you.” He said, wrapping his arms around Soobin’s shoulders and keeping their faces pressed close together. He wouldn’t have said it so blunt and sudden if he were sober, but he couldn’t control his emotions now. 

Soobin smiled back at him and breathed out a laugh. “I love you, too.”

Yeonjun closed his eyes and smiled, a giddy feeling rearing up in his chest. Soobin didn’t even hesitate to say he loved him. God, it felt so good to just have one single person in the world who liked him. He really hoped he would remember this moment when he was sober. 

When Soobin leaned forward to kiss Yeonjun, starting out with a sweet peck and quickly becoming deep and hot, Yeonjun knew where this was heading. He pulled away and bit his lip, looking back into Soobin’s eyes. 

“Um, I know I had more questions but I forgot…” He said shyly. 

Soobin smiled, “I know. Because you drink too much, baby.” He said, and then kissed Yeonjun again. 

They continued for a few minutes until Yeonjun felt like he had forgotten the conversation they just had. Soobin had said something about his dad but it was all fuzzy now. But then Soobin reached down and grabbed Yeonjun’s ass, sliding him into Soobin’s lap. “You’re gonna stay here with me forever.” The taller boy said as he nipped Yeonjun’s lip. “You’re gonna be mine.”

Yeonjun moaned when Soobin bit his neck, his ears were ringing, what did Soobin say to him? He moved so his legs were on each side of the taller boy and their dicks rubbed together through the clothes. Soobin bit down particularly hard and jutted his hips up, causing Yeonjun to moan again, louder. He could be noisy here, right? It might be an apartment but it was pretty huge.

“Right now, you belong to me.” Soobin said, his voice was low. Yeonjun nodded and started pecking sweet kisses onto Soobin’s cheek and neck. “You can’t escape, can you? I got you by the balls.” He said, and reached a hand down to grab Yeonjun’s dick  _ hard _ . 

“Ah, Soobin!” He whined. He wasn’t really listening, only focused on the feeling of Soobin touching him. The alcohol running through his system was catching up with him fast, knocking him right on his ass until the only thing he could focus on was how hard his dick was. 

He grinded his hips forward into the hand that was squeezing his dick and let his head fall against Soobin’s shoulder at the spark of pleasure that ran up his body. 

He began to suck at the skin of Soobin’s neck while the boy rubbed at his dick. It felt like it had been so long since they played around together. He had been so distracted lately, he forgot how good it felt. Soobin knew exactly how to play him like a toy.

Soobin grabbed the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt and pulled it up over his head without any protests. Yeonjun continued to grind his hips down until he could feel Soobin’s dick hardening. It felt so good, his body was so hot, he didn’t want  _ any _ clothes on. “Soobin,” he whined, “I love you.”

For some reason, it made Soobin laugh. “You’re being more pliant today, aren’t you?” He asked with a teasing lilt to his voice. “Is it because you’re drunk?”

Yeonjun started pulling at the other boy’s shirt, who slipped it over his head easily. “No! I just want you. I want you so bad.” He was nervous Soobin would end their playtime if he thought Yeonjun was drunk but Soobin just smiled at the response and then brought Yeonjun in for another kiss. 

As they kissed, Soobin reached his hands into Yeonjun’s waistband. He gripped the boy’s ass and pulled him closer until they felt like just one person. Yeonjun pressed down again and the pressure on his dick was almost too much. 

Suddenly he felt Soobin’s fingers creep closer to his hole as he spread Yeonjun’s cheeks apart. Yeonjun stopped breathing when he pressed his finger down, not pushing inside yet, but enough for Yeonjun to feel the pressure of it. 

Soobin pulled back from their kiss to watch Yeonjun’s expression as he pushed his finger in harder, and then laughed when Yeonjun moved up slightly to get away from it. “Ah, Soobin, it feels weird...” He mumbled. He didn’t really know how to describe it. He had never touched himself there before and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. He didn’t think his body would open up too easily, especially if Soobin planned on going further with him today.

“I know.” Soobin said. He pecked Yeonjun’s lips a few times and then rubbed their noses together. “Baby…” He looked deep into Yeonjun’s eyes. They were black, no longer covered by the contact lenses from earlier. Soobin could see every single emotion swirling in those irises, and it pleased him. Yeonjun was easier to read than a book. “I love you.”

Yeonjun watched him back, his heart felt full and his body was still burning. “I love you, too.”

Now Soobin started lowering Yeonjun back on the bed until he was on top of the boy. He brought his hands up to Yeonjun’s sides, rubbing up and down slowly to relax him. “I wanna take your virginity.” He said, his voice low and soft. 

Yeonjun felt a pang of anxiety at the thought of  _ anything _ being inside him, but he also knew he would do anything for Soobin at this point. Soobin, caressing his skin and kissing his neck, felt safe and warm. He would give Soobin anything he wanted. So he nodded and watched as the boy sat up to start pulling his pants off. 

Yeonjun just looked at him for a second, his heart beating fast, before pulling his own off as well. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this yet, he wasn’t prepared. But he wouldn’t stop Soobin and he wasn’t sure if he even  _ could _ in this state. His limbs felt heavy and a little loose and the butterflies in his stomach were threatening to eat through the lining of his skin.

“Turn around.” Soobin said, and Yeonjun sluggishly obeyed, nearly falling over in his attempt to get on all fours. He heard Soobin grab something next to the bed and then turn back to him. Then he felt Soobin place a hand on his cheek and push it apart until he could see Yeonjun’s hole. It made his skin burn hot in embarrassment. He closed his eyes as if it would help ease the shyness. 

Soobin’s hand squeezed his ass before travelling up between Yeonjun’s shoulders and pushing his upper body down into the sheets. His ass was on full display for Soobin, now. “There.” The boy said. “From now on when I fuck you from behind, I want you in this position.”

Yeonjun could only make a noise, something between a whine and a moan. His dick was becoming hard. For some reason, it really fucking liked how lewd Soobin was. 

Yeonjun flinched when he felt something cold being poured over his ass, and Soobin quietly laughed. The stuff dripped down past his hole and made a mess on the bed, but Soobin didn’t seem to care. He pressed a finger down onto Yeonjun’s hole like he had before, but this time the tip of his finger easily pressed inside. 

Soobin used his other hand to grab onto Yeonjun’s hip, keeping him from inadvertently squirming away. “Baby, do you know what your prostate is?” He asked, pressing his finger in deeper. 

“N-no.” Yeonjun slurred, trying to get used to the feeling. It was so different to anything he had felt before. It wasn’t  _ bad _ , but he didn’t know how he was ever going to fit anything bigger than a finger in there. 

Soobin hummed and pulled his finger out before pouring more of the lube onto Yeonjun. Then he pressed two fingers in and Yeonjun flinched forward. Soobin brought him back, the grip on his hip tightening. This time it hurt a little when the fingers were fully inside, but Soobin was careful not to move them around too much. 

“It’s a spot inside you that feels really good when you touch it. It’s not that deep inside, but if I push down just right-”

Yeonjun moaned against the sheets. 

“-It feels good doesn’t it?”

Yeonjun nodded, his face rubbing against the soft bed, and moaned again when Soobin rubbed against that spot. He squeezed his thighs together when precum dripped down from his cock. They had only just begun, but this already felt too overwhelming. These new sensations were too much for his body right now. 

Soobin pulled his fingers out and then Yeonjun heard him pour more lube on something, probably his dick, before scooting up behind him. Yeonjun could feel the heat radiating off Soobin’s body. When the boy bruisingly gripped his hip, it felt like a pure ball of fire. 

Soobin pushed his cock forward, pressing it against Yeonjun’s hole, but it wasn’t really moving in easily. Yeonjun squeezed his eyes shut, his heart was fluttering in a way that made him feel a little queasy. He didn’t think it would go in, Soobin’s dick was way thicker than just two fingers, fuck, Yeonjun was going to die. 

He whined when Soobin pushed in harder, the tip of his dick finally slipping inside. “Ah,” Soobin breathed as he pushed deeper, “fuck, you really are a virgin.” He started shallowly thrusting, forcing his dick in deeper with each push. 

The pressure was deep inside Yeonjun, pushing against his walls in each direction, forcing him to take it. It was painful, but his dick was still hard as a rock, only getting friction when Yeonjun squeezed his thighs together. “Soobin!” He forced out. “It’s too deep, it’s too deep.”

Soobin’s dick slipped out when Yeonjun flinched forward at another thrust. “Stop moving.” He demanded and then pulled him back. “You’re gonna take it, you’re mine.” He held Yeonjun’s hip with one hand and pushed his cock back inside. He must have put more lube on because this time it slid in easier. 

“Ah fuck…” Yeonjun could feel the pressure of Soobin’s dick rubbing against the spot inside him, now. It ebbed the pain away. 

Soobin put both hands on each side of his hips and started fucking into him deeper. The more his dick dragged along Yeonjun’s prostate, the more Yeonjun moaned, trying to stifle it into the sheets below him. Soobin took notice of the change in attitude and pulled Yeonjun’s hips back until they met his pelvis. 

Fuck, Soobin was finally completely buried inside him. Yeonjun breathed out deeply, waiting for Soobin to start thrusting again. Instead, the boy reached forward, grabbing Yeonjun by the hair, and pulling his head up off the sheet. “Where’s my dick?” He asked, and Yeonjun just whined. 

Yeonjun’s scalp burned when Soobin clenched his hand into a fist in the hair. “Where is it, huh?” He asked again. Yeonjun tangled his hands in the sheet below him and tried to steady his breathing. 

“It-it’s inside me…” He said, his voice tapering to a petulant whine at the end. Soobin kept his bruising grip on Yeonjun’s hair and started moving his hips. He thrusted deep every time, continuously burying his dick to the hilt. Yeonjun’s breathing was stilted and Soobin forcing his neck at this angle didn’t help. 

But his cock still leaked precum every time Soobin’s dick rubbed across his prostate, as if it were forcing him closer to the edge. Soobin fucked him faster, deeper, and the sound of his balls hitting Yeonjun’s skin just made him even harder. 

“Baby…” Soobin said, and he sounded breathless, too. “You’re not a virgin anymore, are you?” 

He let go of Yeonjun’s hair and pushed him down, using both hands to hold onto Yeonjun’s hips again. Yeonjun moaned as he was helplessly fucked into the bed. He grabbed onto the sheets next to his head and pushed back on Soobin’s cock, forcing it to rub against his prostate.

“Fuck…” Soobin moaned, “you’re such a good boy, baby. Look at you, already a bottom bitch, huh?”

Soobin grabbed one of Yeonjun’s hands and led it down to his leaking cock, making him stroke it. His hand moved out of rhythm, frustrating him to the point of just pressing his thumb on the tip where it felt most sensitive. “Ah, I’m gonna cum.” He whined, and only a few seconds later he did. His hot cum spilled all over the sheets, they were so messy now. 

With every wave of the orgasm, he tightened around Soobin’s cock. The taller boy moaned at the feeling and kept fucking him ruthlessly through each wave. Once it was over, Yeonjun was left overstimulated. Every brush against his prostate felt bruising now. He wanted to pull away but his body was too weak and limp.

“Ah...” He breathed, but couldn’t get any words out. It was like his brain completely shut off every time that cock pushed inside him. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum inside you.” Soobin said. All Yeonjun could hear were the wet noises Soobin’s dick made when it fucked him. “I’m gonna fuckin’ breed you, baby…” Then Yeonjun felt Soobin’s balls press up against him when he shoved all the way inside. The wet, hot cum started spurting inside him, covering his walls and filling him up. As soon as Soobin pulled out, it oozed down and dripped onto the sheet below them. 

Yeonjun let himself completely fall forward onto the bed. His thighs burned from the effort of holding him up and squeezing together so much. He would probably be sore tomorrow.

Absentmindedly, he reached back and fingered his own hole, feeling the sticky cum in there. It was...weird. It felt good? Yeah, he decided he liked it. Coherent thoughts weren’t really coming to him now. He felt like mush.

He heard Soobin hum behind him and only then noticed that the boy had stood up from the bed. “We should take another shower…” He said, putting the bottle of lube back in the bedside drawer before looking back at Yeonjun. Then he snickered to himself. “Congratulations, you just lost your virginity, baby.” He teased. 

But Yeonjun didn’t blush or groan in embarrassment. A sleepy smile tugged at his lips. This wasn’t exactly how he had imagined losing his virginity, but honestly, it only mattered that it was with Soobin. He would do anything for Soobin.

~~

“Your next target is Michael Harzifa. He’s the one who pulled you out of the cabinet by your hair, remember?” 

Yeonjun nodded. He studied the photograph on the kitchen table. Though he had been fucked up on acid when those men came to Soobin’s house, he could still vaguely recognize the man’s face. That was the guy who almost spit on him. 

“He’s here on orders to find out what happened to Alcinder. Fortunately, the body is gone. It’s been cleaned up, so he won’t find anything. Now, here’s where  _ you _ come in.” Soobin pulled out a photograph of a hotel and handed it to Yeonjun. “He’s staying at the Marriott in Eastchester. There’s a bar area directly next to the lobby. You need to sit at a table or chair that’s  _ closest _ to the lobby so when he walks in he  _ can’t _ miss you.”

Yeonjun looked up from the photos. “What kind of boy does he like?”

Soobin started laughing to himself, making Yeonjun frown at him. “According to his porn history, he likes feminine boys. Ones who wear cute clothing and makeup. I found that he’s been reading Japanese Hentai that contained Shotacon, do you know what that is?”

“Uh, no.”

“It’s…basically cute and young looking boys. There’s one he likes in particular that I think you can really pull off. A pink crop top and jeans. And we need to do something about your hair.”

Yeonjun raised his eyebrows but didn’t protest. He didn’t have a problem with wearing feminine clothing, he was just nervous that people around him would stare at or mock him. Sure, he had seen people dressed like that at the gay clubs but inside a quiet hotel lounge? He was actually quite afraid of being harassed. 

“What if...people make fun of me?” He asked quietly. Soobin put his hands on Yeonjun’s shoulders and smiled at him. 

“Make fun of you? Baby, you don’t need to be scared. Actually, I think people should be more afraid of  _ you _ . You could break their skulls in a second, you know that?” Yeonjun nodded at the words. He  _ was _ strong. Even if people were rude to him, it wasn’t important. He just needed to find this guy and take him out, nobody else mattered. 

But...if he did take this guy out in the hotel room, wouldn’t the staff find out? Alcinder’s body had been dealt with somehow but a hotel room is surely harder to get into than an apartment? Especially if the cleaning service makes it there first. 

“Soobin,” he said, “Alcinder’s body...did your dad take care of that?”

Soobin suddenly averted his eyes, and his grip on Yeonjun’s shoulders loosened. “Uh, no. Well, kinda. I mean…” He looked back up into Yeonjun’s eyes and bruisingly gripped his shoulders again, having taken only a second to regain his composure. “It wasn’t him who cleaned everything up. It’s just easy for me to give orders to the lower ranks when I’m the boss’ son.”

Yeonjun hesitated for a second, wondering if he should continue asking questions. When he thought back on it, Soobin seemed to only get frustrated with him when he was being questioned. It made Yeonjun uncomfortable because Soobin was so nice to him at any other time...But he really wanted to know. 

“Does your dad know about this?” He blurted out, and Soobin sighed. Yeonjun could tell he was irritated. 

“No.” His voice came out so sharp that Yeonjun instinctually looked at the ground. He didn’t want to ask Soobin any more questions. “Hey,” he said, and his voice was suddenly much softer. “Baby, I told you before. In all the things I’ve said to you, I’ve never been wrong and I’ve never led you astray. So there’s really no reason for you to keep questioning me. I just want to help you, okay?”

When Soobin reached a hand out to stroke his cheek, Yeonjun looked back up at him. Soobin was watching him with soft, loving eyes. He was probably right, Yeonjun was being too overbearing. 

“I know,” he said, “I’m sorry, I just - I love you.”

Soobin smiled and kissed him gently. Yeonjun was sad when he pulled back, he needed Soobin close, he needed that contact and affirmation. 

“So, anyways, back to what we were talking about before.” Soobin said. “Your hair...it doesn’t look very flamboyant, I think we need to do something about that. I’m gonna have someone bring us a can of pink hair spray. The kind that washes out after a few showers.”

Yeonjun nodded. He couldn’t really imagine what he would look like once he was all done up, hopefully it wasn’t too over the top.

~~

Yeonjun sat in a chair by himself in the hotel bar. He picked the seat closest to the lobby, just like Soobin said to do. He had been watching the hotel entrance for almost half an hour, waiting for the man to come back in. Every time the big glass door swung open just right, Yeonjun could see his own reflection in it and it made him smile. 

There was something that really tickled him about this situation. He looked so harmless and cute in his cropped sweater and cotton candy pink hair, but by the end of the night he was going to have a lot of blood on his hands. 

He wasn’t sure yet if he would leave this man alive. He was afraid to intentionally kill someone, and the idea of torturing him sounded kind of appealing. But then, he wondered, did this person deserve to live? He had taken Yeonjun’s father’s life, so why would he deserve to live? 

Yeonjun would just have to make the decision when the time came. 

He wondered when he would see the man come back, how long would it take? Would the man sit there and inspect every inch of that apartment to try and find Alcinder? Or would he return after a cursory check and consider it done? Yeonjun leaned towards the latter. The type of man to nearly spit on a crying young boy would not be the type to give a fuck about anyone but himself. 

For a second, Yeonjun wondered if the man would be able to recognize him from that day. Then he remembered how Alcinder had said that murdering his dad and leaving the body in front of him was ‘just another Tuesday.’ It wouldn’t stick out in their minds, they had done this a million times before. 

Yeonjun smiled to himself. It really  _ was _ just another Tuesday, wasn’t it? He remembered his old classmates from university and wondered if  _ they _ remembered him at all. If anybody on campus missed him. Not like he would know, his phone was crushed in the parking lot of that old rundown gas station in Atlanta. 

He ordered three drinks as he waited, passing his fake ID over without even the slightest worry of being caught. If he kept having to go out to bars and clubs, Soobin would regret giving Yeonjun his credit card. He was sure he had racked up a hefty bill already, but he didn’t really care. His stomach was feeling nice and warm, but his throat didn’t burn like it usually did. This place probably mixed their liquor with fucking water. 

Eventually, he saw the man walk into the lobby. Yeonjun studied his expression. He didn’t look dejected about not finding Alcinder, of course. Why would he? It’s just another Tuesday. The man scanned the lobby, eventually landing his eyes on Yeonjun, who smiled at him. He tried to make it look friendly, but truly felt more of an excitement. Like a lion seeing his next meal. Now he just had to bite. 

For the past few days while he and Soobin waited for this man to arrive in New York, Yeonjun felt a weird giddiness in his heart. As if he couldn’t wait to see the man, to give him exactly what he should have given Alcinder. Soobin had told him he  _ should _ feel that way, because they really did deserve a slow and painful death. 

The man began to make his way towards the bar area and Yeonjun broke eye contact so he didn’t look suspicious. He downed the last bit of his drink and then waited. It didn’t take long for the man to come in, but he sat at the bar instead of next to Yeonjun. 

“How you doing, man?” He asked the bartender, but didn’t wait for a response before continuing. “Fuck, I just sealed the deal on an investment. Biggest one yet, ten thousand fuckin’ dollars. Gonna buy a yacht with that, man.”

Yeonjun tried to hold back a laugh at the ridiculous lie. He had to act intrigued, yes, he would let this guy think he was luring Yeonjun when it was really the other way around. So he stood up and made his way over to the bar and slid onto the stool next to his target. 

When he looked into the man’s eyes, a charming smile playing his lips, he knew this guy did not recognize him. It made Yeonjun want to hurt him even more. He hated being forgotten. 

“Hey, what’s your name?” He asked sweetly. The man looked at him like a sex object, but Yeonjun pretended he didn’t notice. Eyes travelled down Yeonjun’s face, lingering on his lips, and then the little bit of skin that still showed on his stomach even when he was sitting down. 

“People usually call me ‘Big Mike.’” The man responded, his voice gruff but teasing. 

Yeonjun raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re not that tall.” The man just laughed and winked at him. The fuck else on him could be big? “Oh-”

Yeonjun let out an airy laugh and slapped his hand on the man’s thigh. “You’re so funny!” 

Big Mike hummed and Yeonjun noticed how he kept eyeing that sliver of skin showing on his stomach as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever seen. “You heard what I was saying before, didn’t you? Be honest.” The man asked, but his tone was still teasing and not accusatory.

The difference between this man and Alcinder was very interesting for Yeonjun. Alcinder had been so confident in himself. He was sure that Yeonjun really wanted to have sex with him, as if he would stoop that low. But Big Mike was attempting to dangle money in front of his face to get Yeonjun in bed. He must be more insecure of his looks and charisma. 

Yeonjun smiled and fluttered his eyes a couple times. “Well,  _ yeah _ . How could I not have heard it? You’re kind of hard to ignore…” The man was still looking him up and down like a piece of meat. “...and I have expensive tastes.”

Big Mike grinned at him. “Do you work for your money?”

Yeonjun leaned in and his hand started rubbing up towards the man’s inner thigh, just close enough to get him hooked. “Depends on what you mean by ‘work’...” Yeonjun let out a soft laugh. “I don’t work nine to five, more like midnight to nine.”

The man glanced at the clock in the bar. It was only a few minutes after midnight. “You on call tonight?”

Yeonjun nodded and pressed his lips to the spot right underneath the man’s ear. It wasn’t hard enough to be erotic, but certainly enough to be scandalous to anyone in the bar who may be watching, and he knew they were. 

“Come on, pretty boy, give me a twirl and I’ll give you a dime.” He snickered. 

Yeonjun stood up from the stool and the man’s eyes immediately went to his exposed abs and belly button. He licked his lips in a not-very-subtle manner. 

Yeonjun spun around, showing his outfit from every angle. He even lifted his arms slightly, letting the shirt ride up higher, and then dropped them. He smiled teasingly, waiting for the man to take the bait that was dangling so precariously in front of him. 

As Big Mike whisked him away to the hotel room, Yeonjun couldn’t keep the smile off his face. All of these men were so fucking stupid. How could they fall for this? Why was it so easy? God, Yeonjun’s dad had really allowed himself to be bested by these bunch of idiots?

“Here it is, cutie. I got the biggest room in the whole hotel.”

Yeonjun giggled sweetly as he walked inside and towards the living room. “Wow, I’ve never been in a hotel room this big before!” Yeonjun laughed at himself, he was having way too much fun with this. He was like a kid toying with his food before eating. 

He scanned around the open room, looking for anything to give him an idea on what to do with Big Mike. “Huh...What’s this?” He asked as he walked towards one of the walls. There were two sheathed swords lying diagonally across each other on two little wooden pegs that stuck out from the wall. 

The man came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun’s waist and shrugged. “I dunno, I don’t remember them being there.”

Yeonjun took one off the wall and began to unsheath it from the casing. “Are they just decoration?” He asked, mostly to himself. He pressed the blade against his fingertip. It took quite a bit of pressure but eventually cut through. He smiled. Now he knew exactly what to do with this man. 

“Woah, woah,” Big Mike said, “don’t hurt yourself. Put that thing back.”

Yeonjun laughed. “Why?” He asked, and turned around, pointing the sword directly at the man. Big Mike raised his hands up in defense and backed away. 

“What the fuck are you doing, man? Put that down, it’s not fucking funny!” 

But Yeonjun couldn’t stop laughing at the expression on this man’s face. He was so scared, so  _ easily _ scared, just like Yeonjun had been back then. “What? You don’t trust me?” He teased and then lightly swung it in Big Mike’s direction, who quickly jumped back. 

“Fucking  _ stop! _ ” He yelled. Yeonjun pouted, but didn’t put it down. 

“Why don’t we go to the bedroom?” He asked, and walked forward with the sword still pointing at the man. 

Big Mike stumbled backwards and they slowly made their way to the bed. “Lay on the bed with your arms by your head.” He demanded, and the man obeyed. He eyed Yeonjun, fear swimming in those ugly irises. Yeonjun wondered if that was the same way he looked when the man had pulled him out of the cabinet. 

Silently, Yeonjun used one hand to tie the sheets around the man’s wrists, keeping the sword pointed at him. Once he was satisfied he took a step back and finally let the weapon lower at his side. 

“What is this? Some kinda fuckin’ kink?!” The man asked, and Yeonjun just raised an eyebrow at him. “What is it you want?!” Big Mike asked, desperation clouding his voice. “You want my money? Take my fuckin’ wallet, I don’t care!”

Yeonjun chuckled. “I don’t want your money.”

The man began to struggle, but stopped when Yeonjun lifted the sword and laid it on his stomach, blade side down. “I want to tell you something.” Yeonjun said, and then laughed at himself. “But...I’m a little drunk so it might come out a kinda  _ weird _ , you know?”

The man just stared at him, so Yeonjun continued. “I met you a while ago, do you remember me?” 

Once again, the man had nothing to say until Yeonjun began to press the blade down into his stomach. It didn’t even cut him, but it was enough to scare the man. “No! I don’t fucking remember you, I never met a kid with pink hair, before, fuck!”

“That’s funny, because I remember you very well. You changed my life.”

The man squinted his eyes at Yeonjun. “The fuck did I do to you?! I don’t - wait, are you that fuckin’ Choi kid’s little bitch? You’re the one who stole the fuckin’ password from Alcinder, aren’t you?! You - you - you fuckin’ killed him didn’t you?!” His voice progressively raised in volume until he was yelling. 

Yeonjun had forgotten about the password. It seemed like such a blip in that day compared to everything else that happened, but he vaguely remembered the men asking them where the paper was. It had fallen out of Alcinder’s wallet, right? And Soobin had thrown it out the window because he thought it was trash. 

“What exactly is it the password to?” He asked, and Big Mike forced out a loud, fake laugh. 

“As if I’d tell  _ you! _ ” He exclaimed. “You think I’d let that little fuckhead get his grimy hands on it?! Fucking kill me instead! Commit Seppuku on me with that sword! Isn’t that what you do, you fucking chink?!”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, everything else the man yelled and screamed became cotton to his ears. He remembered all the times that word had been used on him before. It seemed like that was really the go-to insult for him, why? It was as if this man was trying to emasculate and infantilize Yeonjun from his spot tied down on the bed. 

But Yeonjun couldn’t be emasculated. He was the one standing with a sword in his hand. He was the one looming overhead who could take this man’s life at any second. He was the one with the power here. He had made his decision.

With one hand, he grabbed the man’s hair and pushed his head forward until his chin pressed into his neck and garbled whatever shit he was spewing. Yeonjun brought his sword up and pressed it to the very top of the man’s forehead, right where his hairline started. 

Then the begging began. “Please! I have a family! I send money to my mom every week because she doesn’t have a job, without me she won’t survive!”

“That’s nice. I had a family, too.”

The man wailed when Yeonjun pressed the sword into his forehead. “I think it  _ was _ only for display.” He mused. It didn’t want to cut into the man’s scalp. “That’s okay, anything can be a sword if I try hard enough.” He chuckled as the man screamed, loud and dramatic.

Yeonjun put his forearm on the back of the sword and leaned all his weight into it. It finally pushed through the skin and Yeonjun could feel the man’s skull pressing against the metal. He pulled it back up and watched the red line cross the man’s forehead, blood dripping down into his face. 

Yeonjun made his way around the man’s head until it had been cut in a square. On the back he couldn’t reach down past the hairline since he had situated the man at quite an awkward angle, so he would just have to make do with a smaller square. On the sides, his slice was just a little above the man’s ears. 

There was blood running down the man’s face and all over the bed. It was mesmerizing. 

Yeonjun dropped the sword on the floor next to him and grabbed the man’s hair tight in his fist, causing him to scream out again. He pulled hard and watched as the little flaps of skin where he had cut began to curl upwards, separating from the man’s skull. 

It was like doing a science experiment, like dissecting a frog. Except this didn’t smell as bad, yet. Yeonjun couldn’t take his eyes off of it as he pulled again and the skin moved further up. He could see the bright red and dull white of his bloody scalp underneath the whole mess. 

Another scream echoed throughout the room when Yeonjun pulled again, and this time a  _ lot _ came off. Damn near the entire fucking scalp had peeled off like a bandaid by this point. This was so satisfying. It was exactly what should have happened to Alcinder. A nice and painful way to go out, isn’t it?

He jerked his hand back and finally the entire scalp came free. Yeonjun felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. A deep catharsis settled within him and his shoulders released all their pent up tension. 

The man yelled and screamed, but Yeonjun just smiled at him. He was a bloody mess. His entire face was covered in red, dripping down into his nose and mouth. He even had his eyes squeezed shut in horror.

The white of his skull was peeking through the red mush and chunks of skin that were still connected. He looked like a fucking demon. 

Yeonjun held up the scalp, hair still gripped tight in his fingers, and it kind of looked like a big nasty scab. “Ew.” He said as he tossed it onto the man’s face. It rolled down and landed on the bed next to him, dirtying the nice white mattress. 

He had expected the man to die from this, but he hadn’t yet. He was laying there, writhing and groaning in pain. Yeonjun thought about his dad. How long had he been tortured? How long did he suffer? Fuck this dude and fuck his mom, too. He would make it as horrible as possible, it’s only fair. 

Yeonjun picked the sword back up and stabbed it directly into Big Mike’s stomach, skewering him into the bed. He must have hit some kind of artery or organ because the man immediately began to cough up blood. Yeonjun stood over him, watching as he lost more and more blood. 

His cries quietened after only a few minutes. His eyes lost their color and he stared up, past the ceiling and into the heavens. The only thing remaining was a strangulated noise erupting from his throat. Yeonjun had never heard it before, and it sounded so fucking weird. This deep, hoarse gasp forcing its way out of his lungs. It almost sounded like an old witch’s door creaking open after a thousand years. 

But...Yeonjun couldn’t stop watching. What was it? This man’s final breath trying to escape his body? He wondered if his dad had done something similar. Or had he gone quietly like Alcinder?

Yeonjun didn’t know how long he watched the man, but eventually he left the body there for Soobin’s men to clean up for him. That was two down. Now there were only three left on Yeonjun’s list.


	11. Chapter 11

Soobin had sent a car for Yeonjun to come back to their apartment from the hotel. For the entire ride and the walk upstairs, Yeonjun felt like he was operating on autopilot. His mind had chosen to momentarily push back what he had just done, as if he were just coming home from work and not a murder scene. 

His legs walked him as automatically as his lungs breathed. His head was empty in everything save for his rock, Soobin. How much he loved and missed the boy even though they had only been apart for a few hours. It probably wasn’t very healthy for him to be so dependent...but he could worry about that some other day. 

When he walked through the door, Soobin was already in his line of sight. The boy was in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of wine. He smiled when Yeonjun came back, but Yeonjun couldn’t return it. Instead, he walked forward and sunk to his knees in front of the boy, wrapping his arms around Soobin’s thighs and hugging him. 

This way, his face was pressed directly into Soobin’s clothed dick. He rubbed his face there and then sighed. “I love your dick.” He said quietly, and Soobin laughed, running his fingers through Yeonjun’s hair. 

Yeonjun looked up at Soobin with wide eyes. “Um, can we have - can you, um...can you fuck me again?” He eventually got out. 

Soobin patted his head like a dog and then took a sip of his wine. “Yeah,” he said, swirling the drink around in his cup. “But you have to get me hard first.”

Yeonjun immediately started to unbuckle the boy’s pants and pull them down. Soobin’s dick laid soft, so Yeonjun pressed his face into it. It felt so warm and nice against his cheek. Like a piece of silk. 

Soobin threaded his fingers through Yeonjun’s pink hair, and he knew what the boy wanted. Yeonjun grabbed his dick and stroked it a few times before wrapping his lips around the tip. It felt so different in his mouth when it was soft, it didn’t make him feel like he was suffocating with it in his mouth. He actually liked it.

He rubbed his tongue at the tip where he knew it was most sensitive. It didn’t take long before Yeonjun could feel it hardening in his mouth, getting bigger, and sticking out more straight. It was unlike anything he had felt before. It throbbed a little bit, indicative of the blood going south. 

Butterflies were blooming in his stomach, pulsating with the pride that  _ he was doing this to Soobin _ . He was making Soobin feel good. Soobin’s cock only got hard for  _ him _ . 

When he looked up at Soobin, the boy was just drinking his wine, barely even paying attention to him. He wasn’t as affected as Yeonjun had thought? No, that wouldn’t stand. Yeonjun pushed the dick into his mouth as far as it would go. It wasn’t as difficult as previous times since he wasn’t completely hard, but Yeonjun was proud at how much better he had gotten at taking it down his throat. 

His own dick was getting hard, pressing against the confines of his jeans. He pushed his palm down into it and moaned at the feeling, his mouth subtly vibrating against the boy’s cock. Soobin suddenly pulled Yeonjun’s head back off his dick and put the wine glass in front of his mouth, pouring it in when Yeonjun let him. 

It tasted disgusting, but he let Soobin pour it anyway and he didn’t stop until the glass was empty. Some of it ran down Yeonjun’s lips and face, as deep of a red as the blood that had been spilled earlier. He probably looked like a fucking vampire. 

Then Soobin pushed Yeonjun’s head back onto his dick but it was hard for Yeonjun to focus on sucking it when he could still taste the bitter wine on his tongue. Soobin pushed his head until Yeonjun’s lips were wrapped around the base of his dick and Yeonjun couldn’t move. Soobin held him there for at least a minute, which felt like an eternity to Yeonjun, before pulling him off with a smile. 

“Good boy, you got my dick nice and wet, too.”

Yeonjun breathed out and watched Soobin’s cock with great interest as the taller boy began to stroke it. It was completely hard, now. Yeonjun unzipped his own pants and pulled his dick out, it was already covered in precum as if that were lube. 

Soobin grabbed Yeonjun’s arm, lifting him up to his feet and watching him pull his pants and shirt off, but Soobin wasn’t doing the same. Yeonjun didn’t question it, though. He didn’t want to question anything Soobin did anymore if it meant the peace could be kept.

“Bend over.” Soobin demanded, but Yeonjun hesitated. He looked at the ground out of nervousness and mulled over his words to find a phrasing that was easily digestible. 

His heart shook around his ribcage when he asked: “Um, can we...I want to see your face, can I?”

Soobin smiled and easily relented, which shouldn’t have warmed Yeonjun’s heart as much as it did. “Okay, you’ve been a good boy. Get on the countertop.”

Yeonjun nodded and hoisted himself up, spreading his legs when Soobin came between them. He grabbed one of Yeonjun’s legs and lifted it up, pushing his upper body back so he was leaning on one elbow. 

Soobin pushed forward so his dick was up against Yeonjun’s hole. “Aren’t you - um, last time we lube.” Yeonjun said, biting his lip. Soobin seemed to be in a good mood, maybe Yeonjun didn’t need to be so cautious. 

“You sucked my dick, let’s try it like this first.” Soobin responded. He started pushing forward into Yeonjun’s hole and the pressure made it feel like his cock had a teen foot circumference. He bit his lip hard, trying not to whine when Soobin got the head of his cock inside. 

It hurt, the spit wasn’t enough. Yeonjun leaned his head back and grimaced, he was trying to bear the pain and be a good lay. But Soobin pulled out anyway, fortunately not going far. “Fuck it,” he said, “coconut oil.”

“Huh?” Yeonjun asked, but Soobin returned with a jar of white stuff from one of the cabinets. He scooped some out with his fingers and started stroking his dick again. It was kind of mesmerizing how the stuff turned from a solid into a liquid when Soobin rubbed it in. It started dripping down his cock and onto the floor. 

Honestly, Yeonjun felt bad for the cleaning lady, they always left a huge mess wherever they went. 

Soobin pressed his dick in again and this time Yeonjun felt a lot better, letting out a small sigh of relief. It didn’t hurt as much but it didn’t go in a lot farther, either. Soobin did the same thing as the first time, making small, shallow thrusts and letting his dick slip in more each time. 

“Better?” Soobin asked, and Yeonjun nodded.

But his breath caught in his throat when Soobin finally rubbed past his prostate. Yeah, that was what he liked. When he moaned, Soobin pushed in harder, and it kind of hurt but it felt good, too. Like Soobin was making Yeonjun’s body agree with him whether it wanted to or not. 

Soobin kept fucking deeper and finally pushed all the way inside. “Baby, it feels like you’re still a fuckin’ virgin.” He said, and then moaned when he fucked into him again. His cock was dragging over Yeonjun’s prostate so sweetly, making Yeonjun’s cock leak precum all over itself and his stomach. 

He whined when Soobin pushed his leg up more, thrusting into him faster. It was so wet, the sound of Soobin’s slick cock hitting his ass was overwhelming. Fuck, he had wanted this forever. Ever since Soobin had grinded on him at that frat party Yeonjun had wanted him to fuck him like a whore.

Soobin grabbed the base of his cock and squeezed upwards at an agonizingly slow pace, forcing more precum to spill out. “Fuck,” Soobin breathlessly said, “you’re like a fucking faucet.”

Yeonjun’s face flushed red and he didn’t respond. If Soobin did that again, he knew it would make him cum immediately. And he knew Soobin wouldn’t let him go if he did. Soobin would keep fucking him until he spilled inside, just like the first time. No, Yeonjun couldn’t cum yet. 

So he batted Soobin’s hand off his dick and reached up to the boy’s clothed shoulder, pulling him down into a messy kiss. Yeonjun could barely even partake in it with how much Soobin’s cock was ripping into his prostate, pushing him closer with every thrust.

Soobin reached up and grabbed Yeonjun’s neck. He squeezed down on the side, right under his jawline, and Yeonjun felt his vision black out around the edges after a few seconds. It reminded him of a panic attack in the worst way, shutting off all his senses until h e couldn’t breathe. All he could feel was Soobin’s cock pressing on his prostate over and over again. Then Soobin let go and pulled back, and Yeonjun’s orgasm hit him out of nowhere. He moaned loudly, arching his back and fully laying on the counter.

Once again, it was too sensitive now. Soobin kept fucking at the same pace, but Yeonjun’s body couldn’t keep up. He whined and scooted away, but Soobin pulled him back. “Sorry, baby.” He said. “But I love how it feels when you cum on my dick.” 

Yeonjun spread his legs more, enticing Soobin to keep going. He knew this would happen but he loved Soobin, and he _ loved _ being used by him. And Soobin loved it too because he took that invitation and brutally fucked into Yeonjun like a fleshlight, his rhythm never faltering.

Eventually Soobin moaned when his own orgasm hit, cumming deep inside Yeonjun. It made him feel so full, Soobin’s cum was so warm and wet and he couldn’t help but feel owned when he was bred like that. Some of it started leaking out onto the counter before Soobin even pulled his cock out. 

When he did, his cum spilled all over, making Yeonjun flinch at the weird feeling. 

“Are you tired?” Soobin asked, and Yeonjun dropped his legs so they were both hanging off the side of the counter.

“Yeah...I guess we should shower first…”

Soobin smiled and helped Yeonjun lift himself into a sitting position. Having sex was surprisingly good at giving you creaky joints. “Ah,” Yeonjun lamented, “you got cum on your pants.” 

Soobin just shrugged in return. “I have a thousand pairs of these.”

~~

“Yeon, you need to see this.”

Soobin slid into bed next to Yeonjun and startled him awake. He had his phone out, opened on some youtube video. Yeonjun groaned, he had closed the blinds last night before bed but the bright white sunlight was still blasting into his eyeballs and twisting a knot into his skull. He rubbed the skin between his eyes but the pressure was still there making it feel like someone had drilled a hole into his head. 

“Baby, it’s ten thirty, you really shouldn’t be tired right now.” Soobin scolded.

“I know, I know, it just sucks to wake up with a huge headache.”

Soobin leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed a little airplane bottle of Grey Goose from the mini fridge. “Sounds like a hangover. This’ll make you feel better.” He handed it to Yeonjun, who reluctantly sat up in the bed. 

Grey Goose was admittedly better tasting than pretty much any other vodka he had drank, but drinking straight from the bottle still burned through his throat and esophagus. It kind of felt nice, though because he knew the feeling that would follow: a nice floating weight over his entire body and mind. 

He had come to love the burn. Like the feeling of his throat getting poisoned by liquor was his conditioning to make his body immediately soften up and relax. But if alcohol was his conditioning...Well, he must be his own pavlov.

“So,” Soobin held his phone up so both of them could see, “the police finally found out that you and your dad are missing.”

He pressed play on the video. The camera was pointed at a police officer standing behind a large wooden podium with several news stations’ microphones on top. There were a few people standing behind him in what appeared to be a conference room, some in business attire and some in regular clothing. Yeonjun could hear even more people speaking in muffled whispers behind the camera. He wondered who they were, why they were there, if they even cared about him or his dad.

When the police officer began to speak, the room quietened. “We’re here today to ask the citizens of Georgia for your help in locating two men. A father and son from the city of Suwanee are missing. The father is Woojoo Choi, he is five foot ten, has short black hair, often wears glasses, and was last seen wearing a red button up shirt with black jeans.

“His son, Yeonjun Choi was last seen wearing a white t-shirt with blue jeans. He is five foot eleven and also has black hair. We have reason to believe that this is a malicious event, and that they have not left Suwanee by choice. The son was reported to have come home for winter break on December fifth, and around that time is when we believe the house was broken into.

“We have several leads that we are following up on in this case but it’s most important that we get the general public’s attention and help in order to get it solved faster. Unfortunately, this is the most information we can give at this time, but we are hoping to have more updates very quickly, so thank you.”

The camera began to shift and then an older woman and man came behind the podium. Yeonjun squinted at them. They looked like they had been crying.

“Hello,” the woman said, “I am Woojoo’s sister, I am please asking for you to help finding my brother and his son, my nephew.” Her voice was covered in a thick Korean accent. 

“If you are out there, please, please come back. If someone has them, please bring them back. Please, Woojoo and Yeonjun, we love you.” Her voice broke, and she put her hand over her mouth as she cried. The man next to her started rubbing her back. 

“Do you know them?” Soobin asked, and Yeonjun shrugged. 

“I don’t, really. They live in Korea so I never met them. I’ve only seen my aunt in baby pictures from, like, the eighties.”

Soobin hummed and they continued watching his aunt and uncle cry for them to come back. It made Yeonjun a little sad because he knew what had happened to his dad and that he certainly wasn’t coming back. But it also irritated him to see these two people overdramatically sob over his dad who they had not seen in at least fifteen years. 

And to act like they cared if Yeonjun returned or not? They had never called or sent a card, so why lie? He did not suddenly become an important part of their lives just because he disappeared.

“Anyway,” Soobin turned the video off. “I don’t think they’ll say anything else important.  _ But _ , you heard them say they can’t give all the information right now. I’m sure it’s because they knew you withdrew the money and-”

“Because of the cameras - the - cameras at the bank?” Yeonjun interrupted. “How long ago did they find out we were missing? I thought it would take a longer time for them to look through cameras from businesses and stuff, like, h-how - why didn’t they mention  _ you _ ? You were with me, you left school, too. Is that part of the information they’re holding back?”

Soobin shifted on the bed, facing his body more towards Yeonjun. “Let me explain all of this to you, linearly, because you ask too many questions that are just...all over the board.” He grabbed Yeonjun’s hands.

“First, they find out your dad is missing, right? Maybe his boss called the police because he didn’t show up to work, maybe a neighbor noticed his car hadn’t moved for weeks, whatever. They show up, see the house is broken into and he’s gone. They try to contact his family, which is you, and your phone number isn’t working, right? 

“They are going to want to track you down as fast as possible to see if you know what happened to him. They look up your information, see you were supposed to be home for winter break, and they think you’re missing, too. Then they get a notification from the bank that you withdrew all the money in your account  _ after _ they know your dad went missing so I’m sure-”

“But that doesn’t explain  _ you. _ That’s what I’m asking. Why wouldn’t they care about you and why you were with me?”

“Stop interrupting me, Yeonjun. I’m trying to explain it to you.” Soobin’s eyes were hardened on him and it made Yeonjun feel small, but Soobin was constantly keeping him in the dark about things. Yeonjun wondered, how was it so easy for Soobin to talk around himself in circles without actually touching what Yeonjun wanted him to say?

“Look, they didn’t say anything about me because I didn’t  _ do _ anything. All I did was go to the bank with you, I didn’t say or do _ anything _ so they don’t have anything on me.”

“But wouldn’t they be looking for you so that they can get to me? I mean, you left your entire house empty and skipped town. Isn’t that suspicious, too?”

“No.” Soobin said. His voice was painted in that tone of finality that Yeonjun was beginning to hate. It told him that particular strain of conversation was over and if he tried to continue it...well honestly Yeonjun didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t want to know. 

“So…” his voice faltered. “Would you tell me how you got a fake ID for me? I mean, I’m sure it’s because of your connections and stuff but, like, how...how can they do it so well? I mean, it got me through the airport so it must’ve been done really well, right?” Yeonjun hoped that integrating compliments into his question would make Soobin take it easier. 

“Didn’t I already tell you?” Soobin asked, he looked at Yeonjun with one eyebrow raised. 

Yeonjun hesitated. He didn’t remember being told that, but so many of their conversations had taken place when he was drunk or at least buzzed so it was hard to file through the blurry memories and discern which questions had already been answered. 

“Did you?” 

Soobin nodded, and Yeonjun thought maybe he should try to reel in the drinking. He didn’t want to keep asking stupid questions and annoy Soobin, and he was about to say as much but then Soobin offered him another airplane bottle.

He shouldn’t have taken it. Soobin’s expression didn’t look gentle, he wasn’t giving him alcohol to alleviate the horrid pounding in Yeonjun’s head. It was probably because he was less annoying when he was drunk.

Alcohol was kind of like a bandaid, wasn’t it? It healed his physical pain, but it also did something for him psychologically...but he didn’t want to think about it. Honestly, wasn’t it for the best? He used to just dislike himself when he was sober, but in reality, he  _ hated _ himself. He was more than just an awkward loser when he was sober, he was probably a little bitch, too. He wouldn’t be able to cope with half the shit he had done if he had been sober at any point in the past month. 

For some reason, Yeonjun felt anger in his chest. He _ hated _ himself and he hated everyone else for making him like this. It wasn’t his fault what had happened so far, he was just a victim of circumstance. No, they all deserved it. Scalping Big Mike had momentarily alleviated that feeling of anger but now it was back, flames burning high and red off of his searing skin. He needed to stave it off again.

“Who’s next?” He asked. Soobin must have noticed the complete shift in his mood because he gave Yeonjun a confused look. 

“What do you mean?”

“Those guys, the ones I’m  _ hunting _ . Who’s next?” 

Soobin smiled at him, his cute dimples becoming a juxtaposition to Yeonjun’s sour expression. “My dad calls them the Huenings. That’s the family name of their ring leader, the one who tossed your dad’s body bag at you. But anyway, I have good news and bad news. I’m pretty sure the Huenings have found out that someone is killing all their little rats as they come up here. I got information that they’re not sending anyone here anymore because they’re scared...so that means we have to go to  _ them. _ ”

“About fucking time they figured it out.” Yeonjun said. “I noticed how stupid the last two were. If the rest are just as dumb, it’ll be easy...It’ll be over too quickly.”

Soobin laughed, “I love the way you talk about this, baby. Like they’re little pigs waiting to get slaughtered. See, I like you better this way.”

Soobin liked him better this way? Better than when Yeonjun was questioning him? Yeah, Soobin was probably right. He wouldn’t question him anymore. It’s not like he really answered questions anyway. 

“Luckily for us, I have information.” Soobin continued. “One of them is going to Vegas. We can follow him there, find him, and crush the life out of him. Are you excited?”

Yeonjun almost laughed at the question. He was really beginning to realize how fucked up Soobin is. Maybe it was the airplane bottles running through his system, mixing toxically with the drinks he had had the night before, but he wanted to push Soobin. Was there a way to get information from Soobin without directly asking him? 

Maybe he had to play on Soobin’s field instead of his own. 

Yeonjun smiled, the same charismatic one he had given to Big Mike and Alcinder before. “Am I excited?” He asked, and scooted forward until his knees were almost overlapping with Soobin’s. He let out a laugh, light and sweet, and watched Soobin’s reaction for any anger or suspicion. 

He leaned close to Soobin, looking straight into his eyes, just as Soobin always does to him. “I want to find them and clip their limbs off like a butterfly’s wings.” He said with a quiet whisper. His words were true, he really did want to do that. And when Soobin’s breath slowed down, Yeonjun knew it was exactly what he wanted to hear, too. 

So he continued, “I want to find their family, their wives and children, slit their throats in front of them, and then rip their eyes out so it’s the last thing they ever see.”

Soobin looked so pleased, his eyes were sparkling at Yeonjun. “Baby, God I love you so much. You’re adapting so quickly, I knew you would. I knew you would be perfect for this role.”

Yeonjun leaned into Soobin’s neck and pressed a kiss into the soft skin. He didn’t really have any idea what Soobin was talking about, but it didn’t matter. Those words Yeonjun was saying, did he mean them? Did Yeonjun really want to do those things, or was it only Soobin who wanted him to? 

Maybe Yeonjun just wanted to do whatever Soobin wanted him to do. 

“Where is the place that they’re going to die?” Yeonjun asked. His voice came out confident and teasing even though he had carefully constructed the sentence. 

“In Vegas. We’re going to use your money to get a flight. I can’t use my credit card because my dad doesn’t want me travelling anywhere, so he can’t know. But...you’ve been really good so maybe we can go shopping while we’re there. Maybe you can buy a new phone, huh?”

Yeonjun smiled for real this time. It had taken him a while, but he understood now. To get on Soobin’s good side, he had to say what Soobin wanted to hear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you don't have a lot of experience in Atlanta's layout, I was pretty much thinking that Yeonjun's dad's house was in Suwanee, which is about 30 mins from Atlanta where Soobin's house is & the university is kinda between those two. hopefully that clears it up a little bit


End file.
